Matriarchy in modern society. When there is matriarchy in the family

In history, matriarchy is usually called a hypothetical form of social structure in which power belonged to the fair sex. The theory about it arose in contrast to the patriarchal one that had been dominant in science for many centuries. However, there is no reliable confirmation of the existence of such a model of society today.

The emergence of the theory of matriarchal form of society

The theory of matriarchy as a form of government for women owes its appearance to L. G. Morgan, I. Ya. Bachofen, J.-F. Lafito. These European scientists, who lived at different times, made significant contributions to science, and above all to the fight against the idea of ​​dominance in the history of patriarchal societies.

What is the essence of matriarchy? In theory, a matriarchal society is characterized by the following features:

• matrilineality - tracking of family ties, origin and inheritance along the maternal line (for example, only half-brothers are considered brothers and sisters, etc.); with the change from matriarchal foundations to patriarchal ones, it is replaced by patrilineality;
• matrilocality - the spouse comes into the family of the wife's mother; men live in the mother's house, as do their maternal sisters and their children;
• maternal right to children - in case of divorce they remain with their mother;
• avunculism - the maternal uncle becomes the head of the clan.

Misconceptions about matriarchy. Bachofen theory

In the Soviet theory of the primitive system, the hypothesis of the existence of a matriarchal society in prehistoric times remained recognized until the middle of the twentieth century, while in Western evolutionism - until its beginning. She gained the right to exist thanks to Bachofen’s work “Mother’s Right,” published in 1861. The ancient philosopher and scientist Aristotle believed that the patriarchal family initially dominated the social structure.

Bachofen, relying on ancient mythology, argued that matrilineality in society preceded patriarchal foundations. To designate it, the scientist used the term “gynecocracy”.

L.G. Morgan and F. Engels on matriarchy

Bachofen's theory was developed in the book of the American anthropologist L. G. Morgan "Ancient Society", published in 1877, in which the hypothesis was put forward about the maternal clan as the initial, pre-patriarchal form of clan structure. It was developed in the famous work of F. Engels “The Origin of the Family, Private Property and the State” (1884). By the end of the 19th century, the idea of ​​the existence of an era of matriarchy in human history became not only popular, but also generally accepted.

Scientists' hypotheses were based on individual ethnological, archaeological and anthropological data, but no significant evidence of the existence of primitive matriarchy was presented. Matrilocality, matrilineality and other signs of a matriarchal society are still present in individual tribes today. However, this is not proof of the existence of a matriarchal social structure in the past.

Amazons

The ancient myth of the Amazons was once considered one of the proofs of the existence of a society in which women played a dominant role. According to him, the Amazon tribe, which lived in the territory of modern Turkey, consisted exclusively of female warriors. To reproduce its numbers, the Amazons entered into relationships with men from other tribes, and of the babies they left only girls. When boys were born, they were killed or sent to their fathers.

Mentions of the Amazon tribe are found in the works of Plutarch, and Homer reports about them. Their images are depicted on antique vases, reliefs, and sculptures. What is matriarchy in this case? Here we see its radical form, in which even the presence of males on the territory of the tribe was not allowed. However, it must be remembered that the story of the Amazons is nothing more than a myth that has not found convincing historical and documentary evidence. The most recent information about the Amazons in historical literature dates back to the reign of Alexander the Great.

Examples of matriarchy in modern society

Some peoples and nationalities have retained matriarchal features to this day. According to scientists, the matriarchal system, if it ever existed, eventually gave way to a patriarchal society as more developed and perfect. The transition from matriarchy to patriarchy, therefore, occurred naturally in the course of progress. Of course, there are also patriarchal tribes who lead a way of life that is very far from what residents of large cities are accustomed to. However, none of the matricentric societies (or associations) has reached a high level of development.

Tuaregs

Representatives of the Tuareg tribe consider themselves descendants of Tin Hinian, a semi-legendary queen who allegedly was an Amazon and arrived in Hogar from the territory of present-day Morocco with her maid Takamat. According to legend, the Queen of the Sahara, as she is also called, killed all her admirers who came to her with a marriage proposal. Together with Takamat, they laid the foundation for the Tuareg family, and from the queen came its noble representatives, and from the maidservant, respectively, the servants. The Tuaregs were further strengthened in their ideas after an ancient women’s burial, distinguished by its splendor, was found in Ahaggar in 1925. Many of them believe that the found remains belong to the Queen of the Sahara.

The Tuareg tribe is characterized by the main features of a hypothetical matriarchy: matrilineality, matrilocality, matrilateral marriage. Officially they adhere to Islam, but the vast majority of Tuareg men have one wife. What is matriarchy in the Tuareg tribe? Women here are honored and respected. They are required to be taught to read and write in childhood, but this requirement does not apply to boys. This is the only known nation in which a man is required to cover his face from the moment he turns 18. This rule does not apply to women. An eighteen-year-old boy puts on a scarf - a fox, hiding his face from the very eyes, which is allowed to be lowered to his chin while eating. According to ancient custom, anyone who saw the face of a Tuareg was supposed to be killed.

At the same time, there are many patriarchal features in the social structure of the Tuaregs. So, at the head of the tribe is a leader, who, however, does not have full power, because his mother can impose a ban on any decision made.

Mosuo people

The small Mosuo people, numbering only 57.5 thousand people, live in China, close to the Tibetan border. The Chinese government considers the Mosuo and Naxi people to be the same people, but there are cultural differences between them.

The Mosuo are widely known as a matriarchal people. What is matriarchy in relation to this people? Pedigree and inheritance are conducted through the female line, with a woman at the head of the family. They practice guest marriages, and the father of a Mosuo woman's child may be unknown to her, as she may be in relationships with several men at the same time. Although in our time this is rather an exception: fathers take part in the life of their offspring, give gifts for the holidays, and children visit their fathers in their homes. But the main concerns about the offspring fall on the shoulders of the mother and her family. Husbands, as well as wives, do not move to live in the spouses' houses, and they do not have common property.

Naturally, children live in their mother's family. Husbands and wives as such do not exist among the Mosuo. The family of a childless woman takes in a child from another family, who has the same rights as her own children. The adopted girl can later lead the family and become the matriarch.

Moso women do housework and care for livestock. Men are responsible for hunting, fishing, working in the fields, as well as religious ceremonies. All important decisions in the family are made by women, not men, and after birth the child receives the surname of the mother, not the father. Of course, the Moso people are not completely matriarchal, but guest marriage, matrilineality and maternal right to children allow them to be classified as matricentric.

Minangkabau

The Minangkabau people, living in Indonesia and numbering about 7 million representatives (4 of them on the island of Sumatra), are the most numerous with matriarchal foundations. It has a matrilocal organization of settlements, and the entire population of matrilineal communities called nagari belongs to one of four clans in the female line, called suku. According to legend, 4 clans descended from legendary mother-ancestors. They are divided into kampueng (kampung) - the main agricultural units, which, like the suku, have their own advisers and elders. These are large matrilineal families, including several generations. They are characterized by division into Jurai, including three or four generations, mutual assistance and mutual assistance. Important decisions are made in family councils.

The bride's relatives take the initiative in matchmaking. After the wedding, the spouses spend the night at the wife's house, but husbands most often go to their family home in the morning, where their mothers live.

"Matriarchy" in Russia

Certain features of hypothetical matriarchal or matricentric societies can be found in many countries, including Russia. Thus, according to the peculiarities of domestic family law, maternal right to children dominates, that is, in the event of a divorce, they remain with their mother in almost 90% of cases. Moreover, the mother has the opportunity to prohibit the father of the children from seeing them. The Russian family is to a certain extent matricentric, that is, men often prefer to avoid solving family problems, limiting themselves to earning a living. A woman in an average Russian family, unlike Western countries, has access to her husband’s money, and separate finances for spouses, unlike Western countries, are rather rare in our family.

Women in Russia have the right to vote and be elected; they can work in various positions, right up to the highest echelons of power.

Features of the patriarchal structure in Russian society

At the same time, as noted in a number of publications, Russian society still has more patriarchal features than matriarchal ones. From childhood, a boy is taught to think that he is the future head of the family and is obliged to make important decisions, while girls are taught to be wise, flexible, a “neck” for their husband’s “head,” to adapt to his desires and avoid conflicts, to take care of their spouse and children . In addition, in many cases, men, given the same education, qualifications, etc., earn more than women. Cases of domestic violence in Russia are still not uncommon. Crisis centers are being created to help victims, but many women are embarrassed or simply do not consider it necessary to contact them, considering beatings or psychological violence in the family to be commonplace. Thus, if it is possible to talk about matriarchy in our country, it is rather with a touch of irony. Signs of both patriarchy and matriarchy are present in it equally.

Current state of the theory

Currently, the theory of matriarchy has practically no supporters in scientific circles. There is no evidence that such a social order existed in a particular era. Moreover, historical evidence shows that throughout all stages of human development, there was relative equality between men and women, and they fulfilled their own social roles. The idea of ​​the period of matriarchy as an era of female dominance in all spheres, therefore, can be considered erroneous.

In the middle of the twentieth century, the problem of hypothetical matriarchy faded into the background. The discussion was mainly about matrilineality and patrilineality and the order of their alternation in the history of certain communities. The term “matriarchy” was mainly applied to the way of life in well-known matrilineal tribes.

Instead of a conclusion

In modern science, the term “matriarchy” is not used, although in everyday life it is often used - for example, to emphasize the dominant role of women in certain situations, in the family, institution, etc. Its role as a hypothetical social structure is rarely remembered . Thus, the question of what matriarchy is can be answered this way: it is a hypothetical form of society with the dominant power of women, the existence of which has not been confirmed by science to date.

Of particular importance is the typology of families, which contains information about The structure of power in the family, the preferential family functions of men and women, the specifics of intrafamily leadership. In accordance with these criteria, the following types of families are distinguished: Traditional patriarchal, traditional matriarchal, neo-patriarchal, neo-matriarchal AND Egalitarian. The first four types of family can be called asymmetrical, the last type - symmetrical.

IN Traditional patriarchal In a family, the husband is its undisputed head; the wife’s dependence on her husband, and the children’s dependence on their parents, is clearly expressed.

The man is assigned the role of “master”, “breadwinner”, “breadwinner”. Male authority is recognized without question or accepted under pressure. The dominance of paternal power is unlimited. The authority of other family members depends on their gender and age: older people are most revered, men have more rights than women. Clan interests prevail over individual ones. That's why such a family is called Authoritarian-patriarchal.

A man makes a fundamental contribution to the material support of the family, manages its financial and economic resources, determines its status and social circle, and makes responsible decisions on the most important issues. He sorts out internal family disputes and represents the family outside. Male sexuality is given an active role, this attitude is concentrated in the concept of “potency”. The spouse is exempt from performing household duties. The wife is either a housewife or earns very little. The organization of normal life and consumption falls on her shoulders, and she is required to run the household in an exemplary manner and create a cozy and comfortable environment in the house. Her responsibilities also include looking after and raising children.

In its classic version, the patriarchal family is briefly characterized as follows: the husband is the sole head and patron of the family, female obedience is the natural duty of the wife. Marriage was perceived as a state established by God, in which a man and a woman live together, in mutual understanding, giving birth to offspring and thereby avoiding fornication. Thanks to the consecration by the church, marriage in the eyes of society acquired the features of constancy and durability. The vitality of marriage was determined by pragmatic goals: it made it possible to strengthen the financial position of the husband's family.

Famous patriarchal image- a virtuous wife. A woman's social activity was limited to household chores and daily care for the spiritual and physical needs of children. Children had to be raised in obedience and piety. The best qualities of a woman were recognition of her dependent position and service to her husband in marriage. It is appropriate here to recall the native Russian words “get married”, “married”. The meaning of female sexuality was seen in childbirth. The spouse is a representative of the superior sex, possessing natural physical and intellectual strength.

This cultural stereotype was reinforced by religious and legitimate formulas of male dominance, which localized women’s social space.

Distinctive features of a patriarchal family - Patrilocality AND Patrilineality. Patrilocality It consists in the fact that a woman follows her husband, that is, she settles in his father’s house. Sons, married and unmarried, live in the parental home; his daughters leave him only when they get married. This shows respect for the paternal family. In modern Russian families, the issue of the newlyweds’ place of residence is decided much more freely. Patrilineality Means the calculation of kinship through the male line. Consequently, material assets are transferred to the heirs of the male line, and the father has the right to decide whether to reward his sons or not. Fathers of families are still interested in the birth of boys, “continuers of the family name,” at least as the first child. This position of young Russian men is subject to the unconscious “pressure” of centuries-old traditions.

In science, there are conflicting views on the problem of relationships between the patriarchal family, society and the state. Outstanding psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich In his work “Psychology of the Masses and Fascism” he unambiguously expressed his point of view: “... an authoritarian society reproduces itself in the individual structures of the masses with the help of an authoritarian family... In the person of the father, the authoritarian state has its representative in every family, and therefore the family turns into the most important instrument of its power " For sons, deep identification with the father serves as the basis for emotional identification with any form of authority. In an authoritarian family, there is not only competition between adults and children, but also competition among children in their relationships with their parents, which can have more serious consequences.

According to another point of view, the patriarchal family protected individual rights from attacks on them by the state. Primary in it were the relations of spontaneous cooperation in the process of family production, thanks to which individual egoism was overcome. Views Elton Mayo One of the creators of the famous theory of human relations can be attributed to the so-called neopaternalism.

The idea of ​​paternalism suggests that relationships in an enterprise or a company should be built on the basis of patriarchal, family ties, when the manager performs the function of a “father.”

Until the middle of the 20th century. traditional values ​​retained their influence in both Europe and Asia. But the process of transforming the family into a “moderately patriarchal” one was steadily gaining momentum. In the 50s in post-war Europe, there was a weakening of the dominant positions of fathers in almost all social strata.

Acceptance/rejection of the patriarchal model by contemporaries It is largely determined by the decrease in the social and economic dependence of the wife on her husband. At the same time, working women perform the vast majority of household chores and provide psychological relief for their husbands and children. German historian R. Zider He writes that the wife’s relationship with her husband is still of a service nature: “As before, satisfying the objective and subjective needs of the “main breadwinner” has absolute priority over the needs of the wife and children. Patriarchy has not yet been overcome. In any case, however, the patriarchal basic relations of family members, essentially socio-economic and determined by cultural tradition, are overlapped by increasingly partner-like forms of address.”

IN Traditional matriarchal In the family, personal leadership belongs to the woman. Matriarchy, like patriarchy, did not exist among all peoples. But many peoples had maternal ancestry, For the mother's credibility is objective. At all times, the mother played an exceptional role in maintaining family ties. A woman’s ability to regulate interpersonal relationships and use indirect methods of influencing others helps to win the struggle for power. In some families with formal leadership of men IN In reality, the dominant position is occupied by a woman.

If we talk about Russian family, Then the feminine, maternal principle is more strongly expressed in her. I. S. Kon It reminds us that Russian wives and mothers, even in the pre-revolutionary era, were often strong, dominant, self-confident individuals. This is reflected in Russian classical literature: “He will stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut.”

Under Soviet rule, the “strong woman syndrome” persisted and even intensified. Women bear the main responsibility for the family budget and solving primary issues of home life. Typical of Soviet times is the image of a peasant with a ruble or three rubles in his pocket, given out daily by his compassionate but powerful wife. This is not the fault, but the misfortune of a woman whose husband brought home a salary, the size of which he could little influence. The wife had to contrive and “stretch” this amount until the next salary. She had to take the reins into her own hands. This was the price for the stability of the existence of a socialist family.

The Russian woman's claims to leadership in the family can be understood based on the general trend in the history of Soviet society - the tendency towards the demasculinization of men. The most authoritative specialist in the field of gender psychology and sociology, I. S. Kon He says that neither in professional activity nor in socio-political life the average Soviet man could demonstrate traditionally masculine traits. The stereotypical image of a man includes such qualities as energy, initiative, courage, independence, and self-government. Social and sexual lack of freedom was aggravated by the feminization of all institutions and personified in dominant female images: mothers, teachers, etc. Under such conditions, the strategy of transferring family responsibility to the wife was psychologically justified. A woman hardly gained anything from the deformation of a man’s character. Where a husband rebelled against his wife's authority, she either endured rudeness and humiliation, or sacrificed her abilities and professional achievements. In a family where the husband accepted his subordinate position, the wife was deprived of the necessary support.

More harsh in his judgments V. N. Druzhinin:“...the dominant role of the Russian woman was imposed by the Soviet government and communist ideology, depriving the father of the main paternal functions.” Family relationships in a totalitarian society become psychobiological, rather than socio-psychological. A man is deprived of social and economic opportunities to provide for his family and raise children, his role as the main agent of socialization is reduced to nothing. The totalitarian state takes on the entire burden of responsibility and replaces the father.

At the same time, the importance of the natural psychobiological connection between the child and mother increases. Violation of this connection leads the family to disaster. Then the state and society are again forced to turn to the problems of motherhood. A “vicious circle of imaginary causes and real consequences” arises: “... in a modern Russian family, a woman wants (and is forced by force of circumstances) to rule undividedly and completely. A man is not able to provide for his family, bear responsibility for it and, accordingly, be a role model.” A way out of the current situation V. N. Druzhinin Sees it as creating social conditions for the manifestation of male activity outside the family.

The division of family power is also realized in modern married couples. In order to prevent destructive conflicts, it is necessary that such a division suits both spouses and facilitates the family’s fulfillment of its functions. The traditional family model can be quite acceptable if the spouses' positions regarding the power structure are consistent. In relation to the family, the famous question of power is The Question of Family Leadership Or, more precisely, Headship. The head of the family combines both a leader and a manager.

IN Neo-patriarchal Family The strategic and business (instrumental) leader is the husband, A Tactical and emotional (expressive) leader- Wife. The spouse determines the long-term direction of the family's development, sets priority goals for its existence, chooses ways and means to achieve these goals, and formulates appropriate instructions and instructions for family members. He knows the current state of affairs well and foresees the possible consequences of decisions made. It is the spouse who plays the role of the authorized representative of the family in society; the position of the family in the outside world depends on his actions. The husband's (father's) extra-family activity - professional, social, political, etc. - is encouraged by the household. The man himself has high aspirations in this area, is distinguished by his business orientation, pragmatism, and cares about the material well-being and social status of his loved ones. A man’s worldview and life strategy serve as a guide for all family members. It sets the style of family life and ensures its implementation. The younger generation sees in their father an example of strong-willed qualities and organizational abilities.

The father is impressed by the children’s desire to express their opinions, realistically assess people and events, and successfully master the skills of independent activity. The wife finds support in her husband, and his work achievements become a source of pride for the whole family.

If The spouse is responsible for long-term planning of family affairs, while the spouse develops short-term plans, Which easily and quickly correlate with specific actions of adults and children. A woman’s prerogative is to build daily contacts between family members. It develops relationships of mutual assistance and cooperation. Being interested in increasing the cohesion of family members, she organizes joint events, the range of which can be extremely wide, from spring cleaning and Sunday lunches to anniversary celebrations. Her competence in the intricacies of home life is admirable. She is also in charge of the sphere of family leisure. She is endowed with sensitivity to the needs and emotions of all family members. The spouse adjusts the psychological climate in the family, creates an atmosphere of emotional and moral support, and develops her own leadership style and “support style.” The wife (mother) ensures the functioning of the family as an environment for emotional release. In a neopatriarchal family, the father acts as an expert for the children in business and production matters, and the mother in intimate and personal relationships.

IN Neomatriarchal For families, the situation is the opposite. A common feature of the considered family options is Joint leadership between husband and wife while dividing their spheres of influence. Conflict in a marital dyad may arise due to an unclear distribution of spheres of influence or the claims of one of the spouses to a different role.

Egalitarian The family assumes Complete and true equality of husband and wife in all matters of family life without exception. The current Constitution of the Russian Federation and the Family Code of the Russian Federation state the principle of equality of men and women, which is the legal basis for the development of an egalitarian family.

The husband and wife make a (proportional) contribution to the material well-being of the family union, jointly run the household, jointly make all the most important decisions and are equally involved in caring for and raising children.

The role and importance of each spouse in shaping the psychological climate of the family is equal; the status of the family is determined by the spouse who has a higher position. The social circle is formed by both spouses. This marital union is called Biarchate, Or Cooperatively symmetrical marriage. Being spouses means “running in the same team.” Apparently it’s more convenient to do it this way?!

In an egalitarian family, the principle of consistency in the positions of spouses takes on special significance. It is necessary to come to an agreement on a very flexible division of spheres of influence, on a high degree of interchangeability. Everyone should be ready to become a leader, business manager or educator. Disagreements that arise must be resolved through mutual agreements, compromises or mutually beneficial exchanges.

Children are full members of the family and, to the extent possible, participate in the discussion and implementation of decisions made. In their upbringing, humane methods are used, based on trust in the child’s personality and recognition of his rights. The child’s initiative and independence are encouraged, his needs for autonomy, individuality development, and creativity are respected. Children coming from such families may tend to use a similar pattern of relationships in their marriage.

The ideal model of an egalitarian family is presented in the concept of an open marriage, according to which it is believed that in marriage each of the spouses can remain themselves, reveal their abilities, and preserve their individuality. Spouses should not be “one body and one soul.” Marriage is built on mutual attraction and trust; spouses do not seek to manipulate each other’s behavior or subjugate their partner.

Principles of open marriage:

· You need to live in the present, based on realistic desires.

· Your partner's privacy should be respected.

· Communication should be open and based on the consideration: “say what you see and feel, but do not criticize.”

· Family roles should be fluid.

· The partnership should be open: everyone’s right to their own interests and hobbies should be respected.

· Equality is affirmed as a fair division of responsibilities and benefits.

· One should give another the opportunity to live according to his ideas; know your worth and maintain your dignity.

· You should trust each other and respect non-family interests.

Creating an egalitarian union is complex because it requires, firstly, a careful and scrupulous description of the rights and responsibilities of the spouses; secondly, a very high culture of communication, respect for the other person, mutual information and trust in relationships.

Some scientists speak of an egalitarian family as a conflict family: power functions are distributed, but their distribution is a constant basis for conflict. The egalitarian model in Russia is given the role of transition. Its appearance is due to the growing economic independence of the family from the totalitarian state, the increasing economic, social and political role of men. For our country, a family is considered preferable in which, along with equal rights, the father will take responsibility for the upbringing and maintenance of children while preserving other family responsibilities for the mother and children.

In Russia, younger and better educated men are more egalitarian and take on more household responsibilities, including fatherhood, than was previously the case.

This the scourge of modern society, in which women occupy leading positions, deals a serious blow to all men. Why? Yes, because when women are at the helm, you don’t have the opportunity:

• play your game in relationships
• choose among several girls (who will let you choose if you cannot tame at least one of them?)
• control relationships so that they are harmonious and constantly developing

Why did this become normal?

Everywhere you look, matriarchy is being promoted. Of course, this is not done directly in the style of “The woman should be in charge.” Everything is done more cunningly and unnoticed.

Let's take TV as an example. It doesn’t matter what exactly you watch (entertainment series, films, programs) - everywhere they show how a woman blatantly manipulates a man, makes him justify his actions, feel guilty, and so on. And almost everywhere the same scenario: even if the man was the leader in the relationship at first, the woman still takes control into her own hands.

Almost everything this box shows you contains scenes in which the girl “rules.”

Of course, you will now declare that this does not affect you in any way, and that it is just TV.

But do you know how different kinds of beliefs are instilled?

We all learn from the examples that others set for us. Starting with the ability to walk (which we adopt by watching how adults walk), ending with habits in communicating with the opposite sex.

And when you watch over and over again how men behave with women, you unconsciously absorb this model into yourself. And over time you begin to think that:

• In relationships, women are the choosers.
• You cannot defend your rights, and it is better to “endure” in silence when she is capricious or expresses dissatisfaction. Otherwise, she might leave altogether.
• After a conflict, you need to be the first to meet halfway, even if she is wrong. You are a man and “must take the first step.”
• You are a priori a person of a lower level, and you need to constantly make efforts to ensure that she is with you.
• If a woman is with you, then this is a great reward, and you need to constantly hold on to it, blowing dust off your shoulders.
• You have to prove that you need more than just sex. Especially at the moment when she says that “all men only need one thing.”
• Sometimes you can't tell girls the truth because it might offend them.

Do you recognize yourself in at least one of the points?

And he said that it doesn’t work on you. :)

This model is instilled in us from everywhere. The principle of repetition works here. Once you saw this somewhere, you thought about it and assumed that this was normal. The second time I saw it, I believed it. The third time I began to believe in it even more strongly.

For example, if your friend spends time with you over a glass of beer, he may be afraid that his girlfriend may begin to criticize him for such “get-togethers.” And when your friend receives an SMS with the words: “Where are you?”, he may either not answer or lie, afraid of her reaction. Or start making excuses: “Well, why are you starting again?” It would seem, so what next? However, even such a small episode once again hammers into your head the conviction that a man cannot force a woman to respect his wishes. That he should avoid her bad reaction and deceive her.

How will this happen in your case?

Or maybe it has already happened...

More than once you will face her attempts to drive you under her thumb. She may be trying to make you feel guilty. Or start setting your own rules in the relationship, telling you what you can and cannot do.

I'll bring you a simple but very clear example. Let's say you have girl friends who sometimes keep in touch with you. And there is your girlfriend with whom you have some kind of relationship.

Your significant other may react negatively to calls from your friends. And even if she knows that they are just your friends, she can still use this situation to her advantage:

• Forcing you to make excuses.
• Setting conditions for you in the style of “choose: either you stop communicating with them, or I leave.”
• Or silently putting an offended mask on your face, and answering your question “Is everything okay?”, answering that everything is fine.

And if you are not familiar with pickup and don’t know how to behave with girls, then the likelihood of making a mistake is too great.

You, feeling guilty and afraid of losing her, will unconsciously agree to her conditions, meet her halfway and be flexible. And what’s most interesting: she is indifferent to the fact that you have girl friends. She will simply look for any reason to make you feel guilty and seize control.

And ideally: you just need to declare ONCE that you have the right to communicate with your friends. And seeing how she again began to worry about this and ruin your date, feel free to send her home.

The only true way

In your life, you will repeatedly encounter attempts by girls to impose their own rules of the game and seize control in relationships. There is no escape from this, since such a strategy of behavior is found on a subconscious level in women.

And the only sure way is to constantly develop in understanding the process of seduction and relationship building skills.

You shouldn't be afraid to defend your interests when communicating with girls, and you shouldn't be afraid to reject a particular person if she refuses to play by your rules.

Every time a representative of the fair sex very cleverly and subtly imposes her rules on you, you must openly, confidently and boldly show that you will not adapt to her. And he must do this until attempts at manipulation on her part stop forever.

Well, and, of course, develop in other areas of life. This will increase your value as a man, automatically.

The main thing for which this article was written is to show you that the current situation in relations between men and women is pure matrix. And in order to become happy in your personal life and find a worthy soul mate (and not the one you get with by luck :)), you need to not be afraid to act OUTSIDE of this matrix. There's a lot to think about, isn't there?

Of particular importance is the typology of families, which contains information about the structure of power in the family, the preferential family functions of men and women, and the specifics of intrafamily leadership. In accordance with these criteria, the following types of families are distinguished: traditional patriarchal, traditional matriarchal, neo-patriarchal, neo-matriarchal And egalitarian. The first four types of family can be called asymmetrical, the last type - symmetrical.

IN traditional patriarchal In the family, the husband is its undisputed head, the wife’s dependence on her husband, and the children’s dependence on their parents, is clearly expressed.

The man is assigned the role of “master”, “breadwinner”, “breadwinner”. Male authority is recognized without question or accepted under pressure. The dominance of paternal power is unlimited. The authority of other family members depends on their gender and age: older people are most revered, men have more rights than women. Clan interests prevail over individual ones. That's why such a family is called authoritarian-patriarchal.

A man makes a fundamental contribution to the material support of the family, manages its financial and economic resources, determines its status and social circle, and makes responsible decisions on the most important issues. He sorts out internal family disputes and represents the family outside. Male sexuality is given an active role, this attitude is concentrated in the concept of “potency”. The spouse is exempt from performing household duties. The wife is either a housewife or earns very little. The organization of normal life and consumption falls on her shoulders, and she is required to run the household in an exemplary manner and create a cozy and comfortable environment in the house. Her responsibilities also include looking after and raising children.

In its classic version, the patriarchal family is briefly characterized as follows: the husband is the sole head and patron of the family, female obedience is the natural duty of the wife. Marriage was perceived as a state established by God, in which a man and a woman live together, in mutual understanding, giving birth to offspring and thereby avoiding fornication. Thanks to the consecration by the church, marriage in the eyes of society acquired the features of constancy and durability. The vitality of marriage was determined by pragmatic goals: it made it possible to strengthen the financial position of the husband's family.

Famous patriarchal image- a virtuous wife. A woman's social activity was limited to household chores and daily care for the spiritual and physical needs of children. Children had to be raised in obedience and piety. The best qualities of a woman were recognition of her dependent position and service to her husband in marriage. It is appropriate here to recall the native Russian words “get married”, “married”. The meaning of female sexuality was seen in childbirth. The spouse is a representative of the superior sex, possessing natural physical and intellectual strength.

This cultural stereotype was reinforced by religious and legitimate formulas of male dominance, which localized women’s social space.

Distinctive features of a patriarchal family - patrilocality And patrilineality. Patrilocality consists in the fact that a woman follows her husband, that is, she settles in his father’s house. Sons, married and unmarried, live in the parental home; his daughters leave him only when they get married. This shows respect for the paternal family. In modern Russian families, the issue of the newlyweds’ place of residence is decided much more freely. Patrilineality means the calculation of kinship through the male line. Consequently, material assets are transferred to the heirs of the male line, and the father has the right to decide whether to reward his sons or not. Fathers of families are still interested in the birth of boys, “continuers of the family name,” at least as the first child. This position of young Russian men is subject to the unconscious “pressure” of centuries-old traditions.

In science, there are conflicting views on the problem of relationships between the patriarchal family, society and the state. Outstanding psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich in his work “Psychology of the Masses and Fascism” he unambiguously expressed his point of view: “... an authoritarian society reproduces itself in the individual structures of the masses with the help of an authoritarian family... In the person of the father, the authoritarian state has its representative in every family, and therefore the family turns into the most important instrument of his power." For sons, deep identification with the father serves as the basis for emotional identification with any form of authority. In an authoritarian family, there is not only competition between adults and children, but also competition among children in their relationships with their parents, which can have more serious consequences.

According to another point of view, the patriarchal family protected individual rights from attacks on them by the state. Primary in it were the relations of spontaneous cooperation in the process of family production, thanks to which individual egoism was overcome. Views Elton Mayo one of the creators of the famous theory of human relations, can be attributed to the so-called neopaternalism.

The idea of ​​paternalism suggests that relationships in an enterprise or a company should be built on the basis of patriarchal, family ties, when the manager performs the function of a “father.”

Until the middle of the 20th century. traditional values ​​retained their influence in both Europe and Asia. But the process of transforming the family into a “moderately patriarchal” one was steadily gaining momentum. In the 50s in post-war Europe, there was a weakening of the dominant positions of fathers in almost all social strata.

Acceptance/rejection of the patriarchal model by contemporaries is largely determined by the decrease in the social and economic dependence of the wife on her husband. At the same time, working women perform the vast majority of household chores and provide psychological relief for their husbands and children. German historian R.Zider writes that the wife’s relationship with her husband is still of a service nature: “As before, satisfying the objective and subjective needs of the “main breadwinner” has absolute priority over the needs of the wife and children. Patriarchy has not yet been overcome. In any case, however, the patriarchal basic relations of family members, essentially socio-economic and determined by cultural tradition, are overlapped by increasingly partner-like forms of address.”

IN traditional matriarchal In the family, personal leadership belongs to the woman. Matriarchy, like patriarchy, did not exist among all peoples. But many peoples had maternal ancestry, for the mother's credibility is objective. At all times, the mother played an exceptional role in maintaining family ties. A woman’s ability to regulate interpersonal relationships and use indirect methods of influencing others helps to win the struggle for power. In some families with formal leadership of men V In reality, the dominant position is occupied by the woman.

If we talk about Russian family, then the feminine, maternal principle is more strongly expressed in her. I.S. Con reminds us that Russian wives and mothers, even in the pre-revolutionary era, were often strong, dominant, self-confident individuals. This is reflected in Russian classical literature: “He will stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut.”

Under Soviet rule, the “strong woman syndrome” persisted and even intensified. Women bear the main responsibility for the family budget and solving primary issues of home life. Typical of Soviet times is the image of a peasant with a ruble or three rubles in his pocket, given out daily by his compassionate but powerful wife. This is not the fault, but the misfortune of a woman whose husband brought home a salary, the size of which he could little influence. The wife had to contrive and “stretch” this amount until the next salary. She had to take the reins into her own hands. This was the price for the stability of the existence of a socialist family.

The Russian woman's claims to leadership in the family can be understood based on the general trend in the history of Soviet society - the tendency towards the demasculinization of men. The most authoritative specialist in the field of gender psychology and sociology, I.S. Con suggests that neither in professional activity nor in socio-political life the average Soviet man could demonstrate traditionally masculine traits. The stereotypical image of a man includes such qualities as energy, initiative, courage, independence, and self-government. Social and sexual lack of freedom was aggravated by the feminization of all institutions and personified in dominant female images: mothers, teachers, etc. Under such conditions, the strategy of transferring family responsibility to the wife was psychologically justified. A woman hardly gained anything from the deformation of a man’s character. Where a husband rebelled against his wife's authority, she either endured rudeness and humiliation, or sacrificed her abilities and professional achievements. In a family where the husband accepted his subordinate position, the wife was deprived of the necessary support.

More harsh in his judgments V.N. Druzhinin:“...the dominant role of the Russian woman was imposed by the Soviet government and communist ideology, depriving the father of the main paternal functions.” Family relationships in a totalitarian society become psychobiological, rather than socio-psychological. A man is deprived of social and economic opportunities to provide for his family and raise children, his role as the main agent of socialization is reduced to nothing. The totalitarian state takes on the entire burden of responsibility and replaces the father.

At the same time, the importance of the natural psychobiological connection between the child and mother increases. Violation of this connection leads the family to disaster. Then the state and society are again forced to turn to the problems of motherhood. A “vicious circle of imaginary causes and real consequences” arises: “... in the modern Russian family, a woman wants (and is forced by force of circumstances) to rule undividedly and completely. A man is not able to provide for his family, bear responsibility for it and, accordingly, be a role model.” A way out of the current situation V.N. Druzhinin sees it as creating social conditions for the manifestation of male activity outside the family.

The division of family power is also realized in modern married couples. In order to prevent destructive conflicts, it is necessary that such a division suits both spouses and facilitates the family’s fulfillment of its functions. The traditional family model can be quite acceptable if the spouses' positions regarding the power structure are consistent. In relation to the family, the famous question of power is question of family leadership or, more precisely, primacy. The head of the family combines both a leader and a manager.

IN neopatriarchal family the strategic and business (instrumental) leader is the husband, A tactical and emotional (expressive) leader- wife. The spouse determines the long-term direction of the family's development, sets priority goals for its existence, chooses ways and means to achieve these goals, and formulates appropriate instructions and instructions for family members. He knows the current state of affairs well and foresees the possible consequences of decisions made. It is the spouse who plays the role of the authorized representative of the family in society; the position of the family in the outside world depends on his actions. The husband's (father's) extra-family activity - professional, social, political, etc. - is encouraged by the household. The man himself has high aspirations in this area, is distinguished by his business orientation, pragmatism, and cares about the material well-being and social status of his loved ones. A man’s worldview and life strategy serve as a guide for all family members. It sets the style of family life and ensures its implementation. The younger generation sees in their father an example of strong-willed qualities and organizational abilities.

The father is impressed by the children’s desire to express their opinions, realistically assess people and events, and successfully master the skills of independent activity. The wife finds support in her husband, and his work achievements become a source of pride for the whole family.

If the spouse is responsible for long-term planning of family affairs, the spouse develops short-term plans, which easily and quickly correlate with specific actions of adults and children. A woman’s prerogative is to build daily contacts between family members. It develops relationships of mutual assistance and cooperation. Being interested in increasing the cohesion of family members, she organizes joint events, the range of which can be extremely wide, from spring cleaning and Sunday lunches to anniversary celebrations. Her competence in the intricacies of home life is admirable. She is also in charge of the sphere of family leisure. She is endowed with sensitivity to the needs and emotions of all family members. The spouse adjusts the psychological climate in the family, creates an atmosphere of emotional and moral support, and develops her own leadership style and “support style.” The wife (mother) ensures the functioning of the family as an environment for emotional release. In a neopatriarchal family, the father acts as an expert for the children in business and production matters, and the mother in intimate and personal relationships.

IN neo-matriarchal For families, the situation is the opposite. A common feature of the considered family options is joint leadership of husband and wife while dividing their spheres of influence. Conflict in a marital dyad may arise due to an unclear distribution of spheres of influence or the claims of one of the spouses to a different role.

Egalitarian family assumes complete and true equality of husband and wife in all matters of family life without exception. The current Constitution of the Russian Federation and the Family Code of the Russian Federation state the principle of equality of men and women, which is the legal basis for the development of an egalitarian family.

The husband and wife make a (proportional) contribution to the material well-being of the family union, jointly run the household, jointly make all the most important decisions and are equally involved in caring for and raising children.

The role and importance of each spouse in shaping the psychological climate of the family is equal; the status of the family is determined by the spouse who has a higher position. The social circle is formed by both spouses. This marital union is called biarchate, or cooperatively symmetrical marriage. Being spouses means “running in the same team.” Apparently it’s more convenient to do it this way?!

In an egalitarian family, the principle of consistency in the positions of spouses takes on special significance. It is necessary to come to an agreement on a very flexible division of spheres of influence, on a high degree of interchangeability. Everyone should be ready to become a leader, business manager or educator. Disagreements that arise must be resolved through mutual agreements, compromises or mutually beneficial exchanges.

Children are full members of the family and, to the extent possible, participate in the discussion and implementation of decisions made. In their upbringing, humane methods are used, based on trust in the child’s personality and recognition of his rights. The child’s initiative and independence are encouraged, his needs for autonomy, individuality development, and creativity are respected. Children coming from such families may tend to use a similar pattern of relationships in their marriage.

The ideal model of an egalitarian family is presented in the concept of an open marriage, according to which it is believed that in marriage each of the spouses can remain themselves, reveal their abilities, and preserve their individuality. Spouses should not be “one body and one soul.” Marriage is built on mutual attraction and trust; spouses do not seek to manipulate each other’s behavior or subjugate their partner.

Principles of open marriage:

· You need to live in the present, based on realistic desires.

· Your partner's privacy should be respected.

· Communication should be open and based on the consideration: “say what you see and feel, but do not criticize.”

· Family roles should be fluid.

· The partnership should be open: everyone’s right to their own interests and hobbies should be respected.

· Equality is affirmed as a fair division of responsibilities and benefits.

· One should give another the opportunity to live according to his ideas; know your worth and maintain your dignity.

· You should trust each other and respect non-family interests.

Creating an egalitarian union is complex because it requires, firstly, a careful and scrupulous description of the rights and responsibilities of the spouses; secondly, a very high culture of communication, respect for the other person, mutual information and trust in relationships.

Some scientists speak of an egalitarian family as a conflict family: power functions are distributed, but their distribution is a constant basis for conflict. The egalitarian model in Russia is given the role of transition. Its appearance is due to the growing economic independence of the family from the totalitarian state, the increasing economic, social and political role of men. For our country, a family is considered preferable in which, along with equal rights, the father will take responsibility for the upbringing and maintenance of children while preserving other family responsibilities for the mother and children.

In Russia, younger and better educated men are more egalitarian and take on more household responsibilities, including fatherhood, than was previously the case.

As life and world practice show, in family interpersonal relationships, the rule and dominance of the masculine principle predominates. It may sound too loud and even frightening, but men still rule the world, women and everything possible. Let's not hide the simple truth, they succeed in almost all areas of activity: in politics, in science, in medicine, in cooking, in law, even in religion. They are the powers that be! And it is probably no coincidence that their leadership prevails in the family institution. You can, of course, try to fight this, spend your life eradicating this fact, make every effort to change the world poles, but is it worth it? Or you can look at your family life from the other side. After all, what exactly are interpersonal relationships in a family? This is equal satisfaction by both partners of their own desires, feelings, ambitions, in all manifestations of family life. And yet, matriarchy or patriarchy? Interpersonal relationships in the family are a sensitive issue. Let's try to figure it out.

Matriarchy or patriarchy? Interpersonal relationships in the family

1. Truth is born in dispute
2. Feminine strength in weakness
3. A child's view of the situation
4. Divorce statistics

Truth is born in dispute.

Matriarchy is a hypothetical (!!!) form of social structure in which family and political power supposedly (!!!) belongs to women. Hypothetically, allegedly, perhaps not proven... This sad information is about the period of women's rule that supposedly existed. Yes, girls, our little hope that the feminine principle ruled the world at least in ancient times has disappeared like smoke, scientists, archaeologists, ethnologists, anthropologists have proven this fact. Patriarchy is the authority and power of men in the family and in society. But you can’t argue with this. Why is this working now? Firstly, men do not give us the opportunity to make at least some changes to this current regime. Secondly, the mentality and heritage of the ancestors provide a guarantee and guarantee for the further continuation of such existence. Thirdly, most likely women are not making enough efforts to make any changes in their favor. Or maybe they just don’t want it themselves?... Regarding interpersonal relationships in the family, patriarchy on our continent, if not completely dominant, is at least in a 50/50 position, that is, at the stage of equality.

Women's strength lies in weakness.

Everyone knows that women's strength lies in weakness. That's where we stand. But is it as bad as some people think? Let's figure it out. When men measure their strength, nothing good comes from it, only eternal argument, rivalry, aggression and war. When a woman tries to achieve something from a man in a rude, persistent, demanding form, almost the same thing happens. But as soon as her secret weapon is used: cunning, wisdom, weakness - the result changes radically. Yes, men don't like strong women. This angers some, scares others, and lowers self-esteem for others. This has been definitely proven in family relationships. Some representatives of the fair half of humanity believe that being weak, flexible and forgiving is humiliating, stupid and immoral. Others believe that this is a rare skill and gift to protect the family hearth, maintain peace and tranquility of all family members and create harmony not where there are four walls, but where loved ones are.

A child's view of the situation.

What do children see when parents argue? Conflict, lack of mutual understanding, aggression and no mutual concessions. Do children see their parents making peace? No, because it is often an intimate and highly personal process. Result: both parents are unhappy in the eyes of the child! If the father dominates and the mother accepts this leadership, what do the children see and what conclusions do they draw? They observe a consistent model of relationships, the authority of the father and the wisdom of the mother, a quiet haven in which everyone has found their peace, support and understanding. What do children see when the mother dominates the family, being the complete leader and sole ruler? Let's look below.

Divorce statistics.

Perhaps many may not agree with this statement, but families in which women are fundamentally in the lead and occupy the main role are more likely to experience betrayal by men, and often divorce. Why? Firstly, very often women do not know how to manage their own authority and upset the family balance. With their illiterate leadership, they make their husbands complex, offended, and unclaimed. In turn, husbands seek their leadership in other relationships, on the side. What do children see? The father is not an example of a strong and courageous representative of humanity; he does not have authority with his wife, and therefore does not deserve it with his children. The result is that children do not take their father seriously and consider their mother to be the head of the family. In the future, this model of family relationships may be repeated in one’s own personal adult life.