The ability to control oneself when communicating. How to learn to control yourself and how to get rid of negative emotions

In our difficult times, it is very difficult to be balanced and calm in any situation, to maintain composure, not to explode, not to lose your temper. True, this does not work for everyone and not always. But our breakdowns often have such dire consequences that we simply need to learn to control ourselves.

It was once believed that holding anger, rage, irritation, that is, negative emotions, was harmful to health. Do you remember the time when, on the recommendations of psychologists, Western employers installed stuffed bosses in their offices or purchased inexpensive dishes so that in a fit of emotion they could throw another cup against the wall? The Japanese were the first to use this method of relieving tension and releasing negativity and seriously believed that it brought the desired result.

However, time passes, and the research of scientists does not stand still. Now psychologists take the opposite position and believe that such measures not only do not bring any benefit, but also contribute to an increase in the level of negativity, since this does not eliminate the conflict itself. The habit of taking out irritation on foreign objects, for example, breaking dishes or tearing things, increases natural aggressiveness person. Moreover, the further they go, the more difficult it is for such people to restrain themselves at all, because they are not used to doing this. Incontinence, both in society, at work, and at home, among family and friends. leads, ultimately, to a deterioration in the relationship, or even to a breakup altogether.

There is only one way out - learn to remain calm in difficult situations. How to do it? You need to take advantage of expert advice specifically designed for such cases. The first thing you need to remember and try to understand in order to apply in life is this basic rule: if you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it. If you find yourself in a difficult situation, the first thing you need to do is calm down so you can start thinking constructively. To do this, try to imagine whether you will be worried about the same problem in a week, month, year? You will see that as soon as the severity subsides, the resentment passes, the whole situation will seem insignificant and not at all as hopeless as you think now.

Be sure to try to find something positive in the current state of affairs. As a rule, it does not happen that there is only one black paint, and your task is to look at the situation from all sides. And, sad as it may be to note, we accumulate life experience more often after experiencing stress than during joy.

Learn to restrain your first impulse, whether it’s the desire to express something painful out loud or to leave by slamming the door. Count to at least ten to yourself and try to keep your breathing calm and even. And at the same time, ask yourself the question: is what you want to say now really important, or is this an attempt to leave the last word? Your silence can extinguish the severity of the situation, while incontinence can inflate the conflict to incredible proportions. Maybe it’s worth being above, for example, everyday rudeness, insults or other people’s bad manners?

In a dispute or showdown, criticize the phenomenon, not the person’s personality. A conversation based on the “you’re a fool” principle will only lead to a dead end. If you are unhappy with the situation, do not accumulate irritation, but immediately express your dissatisfaction, but with what does not suit you in this particular case, and do not collect all the grievances in a heap. If you feel more irritated than you, try putting off the conversation until you calm down. After all, for example, you can tell your husband or girlfriend that you don’t understand each other now, so it’s better to postpone the conversation and think carefully about the situation yourself.

If you encounter rudeness in public places, for example, on the subway or in a store, do not rush to get involved in a fight. In the overwhelming majority of cases, the initiator of the conflict is simply trying to take his anger out on others because of his own problems, and his aggression has nothing to do with you personally. Try to mentally isolate yourself from the conflict zone, think about something else, imagine yourself in a different place, pleasant and relaxing.

It is very important to learn to relax. If you pay attention, at the moment of your tension and irritation, your muscles also tense. And scientists have proven that it is more difficult for a relaxed person to get angry. If you are already starting to “boil”, tense the muscles of your entire body, leaving only your face and neck calm, and then sharply relax, imagining that you are getting rid of a heavy load. This simple technique will help you get rid of tension and take control of your emotions.

Take care of yourself and your nervous system. And in the same way, take care of your loved ones, do not allow yourself to be aggressive towards them, or bring into the house all the negativity accumulated during a difficult day at work. If you respond to irritation and anger in kind, then the conflict will fall like an avalanche and cover you. If you manage to control yourself, then after some time you will realize that you have avoided serious complications.

“Courage, hard work, self-control

and intellectual effort is the basis

for a successful life".

Theodore Roosevelt

What first comes to your mind when you hear about self-control? Perhaps the image of a martial arts warrior - calm, focused and in control of himself and his life. Or you can imagine a person who plans his life, has self-discipline and achieves his goals. Be that as it may, you will be right in any case - this is a wonderful skill and everyone should learn it.

Think about which of the above virtues you consistently demonstrate. Do you feel in control and confident in your future? Do you know how to manage your emotions? Most likely your answer will be this - you can do all this, but only sometimes. If so, take four important steps to help you develop self-control.

What does it mean to be able to control yourself?

If you have self-control, it means that you have the ability to control yourself in any situation and consciously move towards your goals. You are clearly aware of them, have self-discipline and are extremely focused. It also means managing your emotions, thoughts, impulses and actions in the right direction.

Think about the people you know who lack self-control. Most likely they are impulsive and reckless. They make erroneous conclusions, lose their temper, yell at other people, and are completely incapable of being patient. They are unpredictable and untrustworthy.

Goals

The development of self-control begins with. Think about people who have high self-discipline. There is a huge likelihood that they are clearly aware of their strengths, have the right goals and direct all actions towards achieving them.

Set short and long term goals for yourself. For the former you will need motivation, for the latter it is discipline. Remember that they should be clear and easy to measure, and every correct step increases your confidence and kills.

Attitude and emotions

Dealing with negative situations and managing emotions are critical skills for self-control. If you often lose your temper, then you do not control your own mood and make a lot of mistakes both in your work and in your relationships with others.

Focus on something positive every day. Numerous unpleasant events are possible in your life, but they should not affect your psyche and your decisions. Be for what you already have. Almost every person has the ability to exaggerate, so change your attitude to what is happening, to what you cannot change. Even if you don't like your job, at least don't think about it at home or when you're relaxing.

Avoid self-sabotage because it undermines your confidence and prevents you from achieving your goals. If you notice this behavior, change the direction of your thoughts. Think about something positive and inspiring.

Describe on a piece of paper the situations that led to negative and destructive thoughts. Next, write down the emotions you experienced and also list your automatic reactions. It is automatic reactions that are the problem for most people. They instantly react to criticism with anger, and to conflict with apathy.

Develop emotional intelligence. Always be aware, determine what emotions you are experiencing at the moment, give them a clear definition. If you are angry, don't deny it and admit that you are angry. Observe the reactions of other people - this way you can notice the first signs of conflict and immediately extinguish it.

Strength of will

Remember how many times you set ambitious goals for yourself, such as studying in English and did not finish what they started. You lacked willpower and self-control. We always give up what we started when our mood deteriorates, we are upset about something and do not get what we want.

Willpower is extremely important to self-control because it pushes us forward and motivates us to act even in situations where we are afraid or upset. Willpower is born in us when we see the big picture and understand that we need to put in a lot of effort in order to achieve a big goal in a year. People tend to focus on the details and forget about the long-term benefits.

Willpower usually comes in bursts and consumes enormous amounts of energy. But once its use becomes a habit, you will be able to take on the most difficult tasks without experiencing any emotional difficulties. Make sure your rational and emotional motives are in order. Self-development will also help. In the first weeks it will be difficult for you, but after a month you will feel that you are spending almost no effort in order to complete the next task.

Concentration

Nothing sets us back more and makes us look like Sisyphus than constant distractions. In addition, this leads to scattered attention and the fact that a person cannot concentrate for more than ten minutes. He reads a book and feels sleepy, does work and gets bored. And then meaningless distractions come to the rescue, entertaining him and leading him away from his goal.

• How much time do you spend on unnecessary distractions per day?
• How much time do you spend surfing the Internet that doesn't change your life?
• How much time do you spend pausing? Taking rest is good and healthy, but if you are distracted every five minutes, it will negatively affect your results.
• What could you achieve this day if you spent the previous five to maximum benefit?

Concentrate on your tasks for one hour several times a day. Give yourself a little rest if you work for one hour without distractions. After some time, you will be able to concentrate for longer periods and will be surprised at how much easier it becomes for you to get the job done and get to the bottom of things.

We wish you good luck!

Life is full of problems and temptations, and very often we follow our desires or sluggishly float on the waves of circumstances, having neither the strength nor the desire to resist them. The result in both cases causes negative emotions. We regret that we spent money, bought a lot of unnecessary things, did not dare to nominate ourselves for a vacant position with a higher salary, did not contain our emotions and thoroughly ruined our relationship with our other half or teenage child.

To avoid getting into such situations, you need to know how to manage yourself. The inability or unwillingness to learn this often leads to the fact that a person becomes a puppet in the hands of others, sometimes without even realizing it. Often having acted emotionally under the influence of an impulse, we can later regret the consequences, sometimes even for the rest of our lives.

Keep your emotions under control

There are many situations when our emotions can bring troubles of various sizes. Anxiety during an exam or job interview can prevent you from getting that coveted score or the position you dreamed of. The inability to cope with irritation is the cause of many everyday and sometimes professional conflicts. In order to emerge victorious from any stress, you need not only to know how to manage your emotions, but also not to forget to put it into practice at the right time.

For those who are worried about any reason, psychologists advise mastering relaxation techniques that can be used even in a crowded place, for example, during an exam or before an important speech at a meeting.

One of these techniques is breathing exercises. You can perform the exercises standing or sitting, but always with a straight spine and straightened chest. First, rhythmic breathing through the nose is recommended, for which you should alternately cover one nostril with your finger. Then breathing follows the pattern: inhale through the right nostril - hold your breath - exhale through the left nostril and vice versa. By the way, holding your breath is described in many sources as a way to combat irritation.

Analyze

In order to successfully deal with negative emotions, it is useful to try to understand what exactly causes them. We often get irritated because of fear of the unknown or fear of not being able to cope with the assigned task, of not being up to par. In this case, you need to mentally calculate the options in a calm environment, as if living the situation several times in different ways. Having experienced sensations, even if they are unreal for now, it is worth assessing their importance for yourself. It often turns out that the game (that is, the experience) is not worth the candle - those expected consequences that in fact turn out to be far from catastrophic.

To cope with the irritation that is caused by the behavior of other people that is incorrect, in our opinion, it is worth reflecting on why they behave this way. There is not always malicious intent behind what offends us. In order to be convinced of this, sometimes a calm heart-to-heart conversation is enough.

About desires

Those individuals who know how to learn to manage themselves tend to make a positive impression on others. People who are used to doing “whatever their left leg wants” do not inspire the trust of their acquaintances and make their own lives very difficult. Psychologists help to cope with such inappropriate behavior, but your own efforts can also bring results. The main thing is that a person must realize that his loved ones suffer from his spontaneous actions.

For example, if a woman understands that her every trip to the store makes a hole in the family budget, and things bought on impulse then gather dust without use, you can introduce a reasonable saving regime. To do this, before the next raid on the supermarket, you need to make a list of the goods you need to purchase and strictly adhere to it. Then you should calculate the approximate cost of the purchase and put in your wallet an amount not much greater than the received value. It's better to forget your credit card at home.

But it’s not always worth fighting your desires. Sometimes they stimulate creative thinking, forcing us to find an option for additional income that will help us buy the ring we like without harming our family.

My own psychologist

Psychology can teach you a lot: how to manage yourself, how to get rid of other people’s influence, how to increase stress resistance. If it is not possible to contact a psychologist or take a psychotraining course in person, you can ask for consultation online; now many psychological support centers have their own websites. Another variant - self-study literature on this issue.

The greatest value for any person is his calm state of mind. A person who has lost peace cannot live normally, realize his dreams and bring joy to himself and those around him. External restraint, the need to only hide negative emotions are not helpful, since stress is driven inside and accumulates, waiting for the hour when it can explode. In order for the house to be in order, it must be maintained. To live in harmony with your “I” and the whole world, you need to maintain your mental balance.

Instructions

To control your emotions in a particular situation, use the old method: count to 10. When you are calm, you tend to make reasonable decisions, not for nothing that anger is bad. Under the influence of stress, we perceive the world around us painfully and at these moments we are very vulnerable.

Desire and uniqueness will help you. This is what you need to constantly grow on yourself, strive for. Develop your best qualities as strong as possible. Self-improvement is long and painstaking work. You must become spiritually richer, become more interesting not only for yourself, but also for you. IN Hard time this will be very useful to you.

Do some self-reflection. This means that you need to be objective about yourself and your actions. Be as honest with yourself as possible. start small. If you have conflicts with others, then soberly assess the degree of your guilt and the guilt of your opponent. This will allow you to look as deeply as possible inside yourself and your own perception of reality from different angles.

Helpful advice

Know your strengths and weak sides.

Sources:

• 37 laws of self-control

The art of self-management will allow you to become a balanced and integral person who boldly goes through life and enjoys every day. To master this art, you need to observe your behavior in a given situation.

Instructions

Get positive emotions. Perhaps you love watching movies that chill your blood. But after just a few viewings in a row, you will start to flinch at any unexpected sound, such as a phone ringing. Therefore, try to focus on pleasant impressions, smiles and a positive mood. Communicate more with cheerful people and soon you will notice that you yourself become a cheerful person.

Of course, something can happen in life that will overwhelm your patience and make you very upset or angry. At such moments, stay away from loved ones whom you may offend. Otherwise, all the anger will pour out on innocent heads, because no matter how you restrain your emotions, they will still make themselves felt sooner or later. To prevent this from happening suddenly, allow yourself emotional release: regularly engage in sports or any physical labor, go to Soccer game, where you can “cheer” for your favorite team to your heart’s content, and at the same time relieve stress.

It is very difficult to control yourself during conflict situations or when you are provoked into aggressive behavior. In order not to turn a dispute into a bazaar, try to justify your answers and demand the same from your interlocutor. If you feel like you are starting to lose your temper, take a break, for example, take a sip of coffee. Speak firmly and decisively, but do not shout, even if they shout at you. In this case, it is better to use a defensive reaction and, while such a loud monologue continues, imagine a noisy interlocutor with big ears or a clown nose. This will inevitably make you smile, which means it will help you relax.

Do something every day to improve yourself. The motto of all people who have achieved a lot in life was formulated a long time ago and is quite simple: “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today.” This life principle will teach you to be on time, to be everywhere, and will also help you very quickly see the results of your own work. Make plans and follow them, not forgetting to leave room for a well-deserved rest.

How to learn to control yourself? This question interests many people. In a pickup truck, self-control is extremely important. It allows you to control your emotions, which makes you better and faster at seducing women.

Why a pickup artist needs to control himself

First, many guys experience strong. If you learn to control this fear, you will be able to confidently meet women, and as a result, you will have more sex in your life or get a permanent girlfriend.

Secondly, by controlling your emotions, you will be able to completely control the process of seduction. You will show persistence or, conversely, restraint when necessary. For example, if a girl tells an ordinary guy that she is going to a club with her friend today and will not meet him, he will be offended by her and they will quarrel. If this person controls himself, he won’t care about her trip; he will go to the club with a friend or mind his own business. This will avoid unnecessary conflicts and ensure that she communicates with a strong, balanced and independent man.

Thirdly, the ability to control yourself will ensure your psychological comfort. You, understanding that girls’ refusals, failures in the process of seduction, and in life in general, are only part of general process, which should not in any way affect the achievement of global goals. These goals can be a happy personal life, financial independence, etc. Thus, the ability to control yourself will allow you to preserve your nerve cells and live healthy into old age.

1. Consciously control your emotions. They should not dangle like a weather vane in the wind. You have to realize that if you're nervous, you're nervous; If you're scared, then scared. Your task is to understand that you can experience anything, and you have no power to influence it. But your emotions should not shape your actions, which you do of your own free will. You may feel fear or anger, but despite this, you must act wisely. Emotions should not influence your actions, you should do what needs to be done despite them;
2. Play sports. extra adrenaline. It also promotes the release of endorphins, which will improve your well-being and make it easier to control yourself;
3. Challenge yourself periodically. Consciously create situations that make you feel fear or anger and overcome them. This way you will learn to control yourself;
4. Live positively. If everything goes well in your life, you will experience only bright emotions, and in this case, controlling yourself is much easier than if your life is saturated with negativity.

It is difficult to give general advice to everyone who wants to learn self-control. No two people are the same, no situations are the same. Someone is distinguished by high psychological stability, endures physical and psychological stress relatively easily, experiences or adversities do not knock him out of the saddle. For others, even simple everyday troubles and small conflicts at work can throw them out of balance for a long time and worsen their mood and performance.

Depending on your physical condition, health, success in your personal and work life, mental stability can change significantly. Therefore, in each specific case, the recipes for its preservation are different and individual. However, for those who want to learn how to manage their emotions and mood, and master quick ways to reduce excessive internal tension, we can recommend relatively simple techniques of self-regulation, self-control and attention training.

Despite the apparent simplicity of the proposed exercises, mastering them and successfully using them depends on how seriously you take the exercises. Training should be carried out with the same systematicity and persistence as physical exercise. Only in this case can a significant increase in psychological stability be achieved.

1. Control of external manifestations of emotions

Take a closer look at your movements, posture, posture, hands, because appearance- this is a mirror of our inner state. By correcting it, you can influence your mental state. Most often, we are hampered by excessive mental tension, which changes our appearance not for the better. Here are exercises that can be used to relieve excessive mental tension and for emotional release.

• Start with the face. Look at yourself mentally - as if from the outside - or look in the mirror. Rid your face of unnecessary internal “clamps”. Inhale and hold your breath for 10-15 seconds. After exhaling, run your hand over your face, as if removing any remaining tension, anxiety, or irritation. Remember to smile - raise the corners of your lips up, “smile” with your eyes. Don't forget that your face looks more attractive this way.
• Mental tension can also manifest itself in our speech. Watch your voice, do not switch to a very low or high timbre. With strong excitement, the pace of speech usually accelerates, the thought is ahead of its verbal expression. With this in mind, control the pace of your speech; slowing it down has a calming effect.
• Do not allow yourself to have a “depressive” gait and posture: slouch, lower your head, pull it into your shoulders. Check the condition of your hands and fingers. They must be calm. Nervous movement of your fingers not only aggravates tension, but also reveals your condition.

After such self-control over the external manifestations of the mental state, one should learn to manage orientation of consciousness, i.e., distraction from emotionally significant situations, depressing thoughts and memories.

2. Managing neuropsychic tension and mood

To reduce it, you can use breathing exercises that involve holding your breath for a long time. They are performed sitting, standing and lying down.

• Exercise 1. Take a deep breath, hold your breath (5-6 seconds), tense your body muscles, then slowly exhale and relax all muscles. Repeat 9-10 times, trying to increase the time of holding your breath, exhaling and relaxing each time.
• Exercise 2. Take a slow and deep breath, tensing your muscles. Pause - 2-3 seconds, then quickly exhale and rapidly relax all muscles. Perform for 2-3 minutes.
• To relieve tension, you can also use clench and unclench of your fingers, rotation of relaxed hands, feet, shoulders, head, micro-tension of individual muscle groups, and various exercises to relax the facial muscles.
• If you experience lethargy, you have decreased muscle and mental tone, then to activate your psychophysical state, you can use the following technique: while inhaling, relax all the muscles as much as possible, especially the face, arms, shoulder girdle, then make a “forced” (short, sharp) exhalation with strong and rapid tension of the body muscles, then relax.

Here are some tips you can use to improve your mood: activating pleasant memories- “Reproduction of positive emotions.” To do this, sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes, relax. Breathe evenly and calmly. Vividly imagine a landscape or situation that you associate with positive emotions, a feeling of psychological comfort, for example, a walk in a shady garden, a quiet forest clearing, swimming in the sea, relaxing on the warm sand of a beach, etc. In other words, take it out of the “bank” positive memories” something that has a calming effect on you. Against this background, pronounce any phrase you choose that characterizes autogenic training.

“I am completely calm...” (Remember a feeling of pleasant peace you have ever experienced.)
“Nothing worries me...” (Remember the feeling of serene peace or tranquility.)
“All my muscles are pleasantly relaxed for rest...” (Feel this relaxation; a comfortable posture should contribute to this.)
“My whole body is completely rested...” (Remember the feeling of pleasant rest and relaxation when you lie in a warm bath.)
“I am completely calm...” (Think about peace and relaxation.)

This technique helps you turn to your internal psychoenergetic resources to restore psychological “freshness”, a state of “renewal”. However, in order to use these resources, you first need to accumulate in your memory as many “resource” plot concepts associated with positive emotions, feelings of good mood, high performance and comfort. Therefore, in advance, form for yourself a personal “bank of positive emotions”, plot images of situations that are correlated with vivid emotions and experiences of joy, success, happiness and mental well-being. Store your “treasures” carefully and check often to see if they have faded over time.

If you cannot get rid of unwanted emotions, use the technique recommended by doctor K. V. Dineika (1987).

Lying on your back, relax your muscles, close your eyes, try to feel the state of languor and focus on the unwanted emotion. As you inhale, mentally say, “I am consciously mastering the power of this emotion.” Hold your breath and mentally say: “The power of this emotion is subordinate to me,” while protruding and retracting your stomach 3 times. While exhaling (through a slightly rounded mouth), say mentally 2-3 times: “I can control my emotions.”

Then, standing (legs apart), take a full breath, slowly raising your arms up. Stay in this position and do not breathe for 3-4 seconds (fingers clenched into a fist). After this, you need to quickly lean forward (legs straight) and relax your arms down. Exhale sharply, saying a short “ha.” Straighten up, inhaling and raising your arms up. Exhale through the nose, lowering your arms down. Repeat 3-4 times. The exercise must be performed 23 times during the day.

K. V. Dineika explains the effectiveness of this exercise by the fact that There is a reflex relationship between emotions and breathing processes. A slow, full inhalation promotes protective arousal, and the verbal formula during inhalation plays the role of a psychodynamic stimulus aimed at realizing the strength of an unwanted emotion, which should be transformed into positive energy. The movements of the diaphragm massage the solar plexus, which improves venous outflow from the abdominal cavity and nutrition of the heart. Against this background, the spoken phrase strengthens the will and confidence in success.

3. Managing your mental state by switching attention

Attention - the most important condition successful implementation of any type of activity. A person needs it in his work, study and everyday life - in everyday life, communication, and during rest. Without it, integration is impossible mental activity, voluntary and involuntary orientation of our consciousness.

Attention ensures the accuracy and completeness of perception, the ability to selectively retrieve necessary information from memory, highlight the main and essential, and make the right decisions. It also regulates the course of all mental processes and conscious human behavior. That is why attention training is necessary to strengthen memory, external and internal control, and to develop the abilities of mental self-regulation, including the management of stressful conditions.

Attention exercises do not require complex equipment or a special room. They can be done alone with yourself at any time of the day, as long as you have the opportunity to be silent for a while and immerse yourself in your thoughts. The object of attention is your body or objects located at a close or fairly distant distance from you.

K. S. Stanislavsky proposed to divide the entire space of attention into four circles:

1. large - all visible and perceived space;
2. middle - circle of direct communication and orientation;
3. small is your “I” and the nearest space in which it resides and acts;
4. the inner world is the world of your experiences and sensations.

Switching attention from a large circle to a medium, small and internal one is an excellent exercise for training self-control. This is one of the techniques that can be used to relax, restore psychological stability and prevent emotional exhaustion. Switching attention allows you to rearrange your train of thought, the nature of sensations, and reduce cognitive tension, thereby promoting voluntary change and mental tension. Let's look at some of these exercises.

3.1. "Spotlight". Choose a point in the large and a point in the small circle of attention. Imagine that you are able to send a beam of light with your eyes (like a spotlight beam), which can illuminate anything with colossal power and brightness. When the "ray" is aimed at something, nothing else exists, everything else is plunged into darkness. This “spotlight” is your attention! Now swing the “spotlight” from the first point to the second and back. The tempo of the swings can vary from 1 second to several, depending on the degree of mastery of the exercise, i.e. the ability to catch every point with the utmost concentration of attention.

3.2. "Continuous Contemplation". In a comfortable, free position, look closely at some not too complex object for 1-5 minutes, trying to find as many details in it as possible. In this case, you are allowed to blink as much as you like, but your gaze must remain within the boundaries of the subject. Repeat the exercise until you can hold your attention on it relatively easily.

3.3. "Rhythmic Contemplation". Select any object - subject. As you inhale, look closely at it, illuminate it with your inner “spotlight”; As you exhale, close your eyes and try to erase the impression. Do the exercise 30-50 times. After mastering this rhythm, do the opposite: contemplation while exhaling, “erasing” while inhaling. You can change not only the rhythm, but also the tempo of the exercise.

3.4. "Mental Contemplation". Without interruption or being briefly distracted by anything, contemplate any object for 3-4 minutes. Then, closing your eyes, try to recall in your memory a visual image of the object in all its details. After this, open your eyes and compare the “original” with the “copy”. Repeat the exercise 5-10 times. The purpose of the exercise is to achieve a clear inner vision. Not everyone succeeds in this task.

3.5. "Inner Spotlight". While in a comfortable, relaxed position, focus your attention on any part of your body, “illuminate” it with a “spotlight” beam, disconnect from external noise, extraneous thoughts, and immerse yourself in the feeling of what you are contemplating (1-3 minutes). Remaining in the inner circle of attention, move the “spotlight” to another part of the body, “get used to” this bodily sensation. In addition to training internal attention, this exercise promotes contact with your physical “I”.

3.6. "Focus". Sit comfortably in a chair, eyes open or closed. On command: “Quiet”, concentrate your attention for 10-20 seconds on any point or part of your body. Then move your attention to the other part/point closest to it. For example, consistently focus on your hand, finger, etc. Exercise helps you learn how to manage your attention and develops self-control.

3.7. "Mirror" . Sit straight in front of the mirror, without tension. Breathe evenly. On the mirror, mentally mark a point at eyebrow level. Focus your attention on it, look at the point without blinking, straight, without straining your facial muscles. When the need to blink appears, you should rest, directing your gaze into the distance. After concentrating on a point for a long time, the image of the face in the mirror begins to blur. Close your eyes and in your thoughts figuratively reproduce pictures of nature, imagine yourself healthy and cheerful.

Positive thinking gives confidence in difficult situations. It creates the basis for overcoming the stresses of life, because a person is able to view a difficult situation more sensibly and optimistically; mood and feelings are “fuelled” by resources such as faith, hope and optimism.

Nothing underestimates stress resistance resources more than one’s own uncertainty and low self-esteem. Belief in one's own capabilities helps to mobilize the reserve capabilities of the human psyche. Self-doubt manifests itself in actions, deeds, feelings, so it is very important to be able to not give in bad mood, apathy, inactivity, always control yourself, believe in your abilities, find something positive in any circumstances.

Thoughts, beliefs, and internal dialogue have a creative influence on the scenario of a person’s life. They manifest themselves not only in behavior and experiences, but also in attitudes and readiness to overcome life’s stresses.

To get started you need:

1. Identify irrational thoughts and beliefs that cause or increase suffering and mental discomfort.
2. Conduct self-analysis internal dialogue and eliminate from it all destructive speech patterns, self-referrals (thoughts-images), which convey doom, self-blame, self-deprecation, lack of faith and hope for success, which are imbued with denial of resources to support and overcome stressful situations. For example, “I can’t change anything in my life”, “I always make mistakes and can’t forgive myself for this”, “I don’t believe that my life can change for the better”, “I’m unhappy and will always be like this... “,” “No one can help me, all people are cruel and selfish,” “I have no strength...”, “I don’t deserve anything good,” “No one wants to understand me, I will always be a lonely person,” etc. d.
3. Replace them with constructive or positive ones that help mobilize internal psychological resources and strengthen self-confidence. This will require a transformation of not only internal speech (dialogue with oneself), but also external speech, addressed to other persons, society, the Universe (Table 1).

Table 1. Reworking Negative Thinking

The positive thinking of an optimist finds the positive side in everything and, based on this, draws up a plan of action, starting from the present moment. In this case, life and events inevitably have their justified meaning. As Peter Lawrence said, “Optimists make dreams come true. Pessimists have nightmares."

Anyone who is fixated on past failures and predicts the same in the future will not be able to turn the tide of events in his favor and falls into the “trap” of expected disappointments and new defeats. Anyone who judges himself, life and other people for past events misses the chance to develop the most important resource of resilience - the quality of optimism.

The ability to think positively is your individual resource that can support you in any cognitively difficult and emotionally stressful situations.