Self-esteem - what is it? How to raise and preserve it

4.3.4. Advantages and weaknesses of planets As mentioned above, the essence of the planet is unchanged, but in different signs The planets of the zodiac manifest themselves in different ways. Each zodiac sign includes all ten planetary properties, but the degree of expression of each of them

“His heart rate is clearly too high,” “You don’t value yourself, you deserve much more,” you can hear out of the corner of your ear or directly addressed to you. What kind of CSD is this? Self-esteem, which shows how much a person respects, values ​​and loves himself. It also determines the level of aspirations, and indeed activity in life, its very content and success. Self-esteem can be inadequate (overestimated or underestimated) and adequate, but it cannot but exist.

Self-esteem (SSD) is significantly associated with. But this is not the only component and not its synonym. ChSD is a complex system of interdependent. In addition to self-esteem, self-perception and other products of the self also contribute: self-esteem, self-awareness. Roughly speaking, self-esteem is the result of a person’s assessment of his own importance and worth.

Accordingly, this comes out of self-knowledge, healthy. But what is self-knowledge? Getting a person to know himself (with all his strengths and weaknesses, innate characteristics) and identifying interests, forming his own worldview. However, is this based solely on self-esteem and self-analysis? No. From birth, the child perceives himself as adults see him, which they readily express through: “what a good boy”, “you are bad, unhearing”, “you can’t do anything”, “you can’t be relied on”, “you are my support in life”. life." Using these phrases as an example, which of them do you think will form adequate self-esteem and adequate NPV, and which ones are underestimated?

Low self-esteem is based on inadequate criticism and demands, humiliation, insults, coercion from the environment, smoothly turning into elements. As for the inflated FSN, its roots are the god complex, permissiveness, and the “idol of the family.”

A sense of personal dignity consists not only of a sense of one’s own value, but also of the value of everything that is directly related to the individual:

• family;
• partner in a relationship;
• Job;
• hobbies;
• Friends;
• hobby;
• interests.

Some elements depend on us, this is directly our choice, and some do not. For example, by humiliating his partner, a person humiliates himself, because being in a relationship with this person is his choice. But no one chooses the family into which to be born. Therefore, it is wrong to humiliate yourself because of your parents’ unworthy lifestyle.

Risks of inadequate heart rate

First of all, among the risks, it is worth talking about humiliation. With a low sense of self-esteem, a person allows himself to be humiliated, and with an overestimated sense of self-esteem, he humiliates other people. Naturally, this deteriorates relationships with others. In addition, with an overestimated heart rate, a person suffers from disappointments. If it is underestimated, it occupies money, suffers from self-flagellation, failure and unhappiness in life.

Surely you are familiar with this evaluation system: “This is below my dignity” / “I am not worthy of this.” However, both of these statements can be either adequate or inadequate. It all depends on the context. But the situation is further aggravated by the difference in interpretation of who a “worthy person” is. There is no single measure of human dignity. Therefore, you should focus on the beliefs and values ​​of a particular society, reference group and your own internal attitudes. Someone defines dignity social status, someone, someone by socially useful deeds, and someone takes into account all three components or calls the fourth criterion.

Self-esteem also comes with responsibility. Namely, the responsibility for maintaining one’s dignity and avoiding actions that deprive one of self-respect. The border of the affected CSD is . A blow to self-esteem and shame from what happened is a common reason for victims to remain silent about rape and beatings. Some people are especially vulnerable; even everyday troubles can hurt their dignity. The result is the same - shame, humiliation, isolation. And if the values ​​that determine self-esteem differ from person to person, from culture to culture and from society to society, then the shame of loss of dignity is inevitable for everyone.

How to raise CHSD

The development of self-esteem and self-awareness, and therefore a sense of significance, depends on the nature of the child’s relationship with his mother. With good mutual understanding (understanding the child’s needs, attention and communication, providing independence in choosing actions and privacy), healthy self-esteem is formed. The development of self-awareness and self-esteem depends on respect for the child’s personal space (everyone needs this from birth; the child must be alone in front of the mother’s eyes, under her control).

Due to the mother's anxiety about losing control over the child and the need to regularly receive love from the child, sometimes the baby is completely deprived of free time and the opportunity to realize himself. With anxious mothers and in overprotective families, children grow up passive, uninitiative, and dependent.

So, self-esteem stems from the relationship between the child and mother in early childhood. The following scenarios are popular:

1. When a child is given personal space in the presence of his mother (another significant adult), he develops the attitude: “I have the right to mind my own affairs. I can be myself even in the company of other people. I don’t have to constantly interact with someone and I don’t have to impose.”
2. With overprotection, the child receives the instruction: “Everything must be strictly under control. Independence and spontaneity are not allowed. It is my responsibility to continually demonstrate my care and love for others.”
3. In a situation where the mother expresses her dissatisfaction and the inability to deal with personal affairs, forced communication with the child, he develops the attitude: “I need to be grateful that someone even wants to communicate with me and spend time. Someday I'll be left alone. I always bother others."
4. When a mother indulges her child and treats her as an idol, the attitude is formed: “Everyone owes me for spending time with them. I can get whatever I want for the very fact of my existence.”

In the first case, self-esteem is developed adequately, in the second and third cases - a low sense of self-esteem. In the fourth case - an inflated sense of self-esteem. Accordingly, self-esteem is adequate, underestimated and overestimated (in the same order).

A child’s self-rejection at an early stage of development causes a deficit of self-esteem in the future. Accordingly, self-acceptance builds healthy self-esteem.

Restoration and preservation of heart rate

Adequate self-esteem is essential for human survival and... However, even correct self-love and self-respect are perceived by some people as boasting and arrogance.

As we found out, self-esteem begins to form in childhood. In psychotherapy, as a rule, it turns out that for the first time a person heard an assessment of his own worthlessness in childhood from a significant adult, and a little later he subconsciously accepted this as his own opinion.

Identification with the aggressor - in which the victim “whitens” the image of the aggressor. In this case, we are talking about primary independent self-humiliation and self-condemnation, unpleasant statements addressed to oneself by the victim before the aggressor does it (or would do it in the victim’s mind).

How to understand own feeling dignity? First of all, answer two questions:

• What am I proud of about myself?
• What aspects of my personality and life would I like to hide?

Additionally, you can note what values ​​and guidelines prevail in society and a certain group. How do they relate to the previous answers? Sometimes it turns out that both a reason for pride and a subject of mystery are one and the same. How is this possible? When the development situation does not correspond to the realities and characteristics of the individual, it infringes on it.

The work of preserving and restoring self-esteem involves sorting out the “mess” in your head into conscious and subconscious, distinguishing between your own judgments and those of others from the outside. But only a professional psychoanalyst can carry out such work. The fact is that if there are obvious problems in self-esteem and signs, then independent “flashes” of rationality and clear perception of the situation will not be stable.

The goal of work to restore and maintain self-esteem is to receive and accept the real Self, separating it from all imposed and fictitious images:

1. The feeling that I exist. You need to realize your self, the very fact of the existence of a unique person with his own actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings.
2. Awareness of who I am. Working with self-esteem involves realizing and searching for what kind of person he is and how he lives. The importance of personality already follows from this.
3. Self-esteem is the value I place on my personality. If self-esteem is adequate, then I positively characterize my image. With low self-esteem, self-image is negative, causing self-deprecation and feelings of inferiority. The roots of self-esteem are always anchored in the subconscious.

How to independently adjust the heart rate? First of all, realize that you really need it. Without. With its help, regain self-love and unconditional respect, and then find something for which you can be proud of yourself. Don't try to please all people. Choose your criteria worthy person and listen to the opinions of significant others.

Self-esteem is not given at birth. This is a product of socialization, education, teaching, suggestion, copying models, self-education, and so on.

Thus, in order to correct and maintain self-esteem, you need to work with self-esteem, self-confidence, independence, success, inner peace and harmony. Self-esteem is an individual’s self-respect, a sense of value and significance. Under what conditions will you be valuable and meaningful to yourself? What do you value in people?

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It is your birthright to develop your ego and soul. To develop self-esteem, we must wake up and grow. But what does it mean? To grow is to mature psychologically and create a clear identity or ego.

Your sense of self is the identity you wear every day all day long - it's your sense of "this is me" and "this is not me."

The sense of self, also known as the ego, is the image of what we think about who we are. It's a way to differentiate yourself from other people. It is the biological, psychological, emotional and spiritual destiny of all human beings to create their strong selves.

For those who want to develop a stronger sense of self-worth, here are some suggestions on how to do it.

1. Learn to be alone

Solitude may sound like a scary word or idea, but it is actually a very nourishing practice. Making space to be alone with yourself is the best first step to developing a strong personality. How often are you truly alone (without technological distractions) or people around you?

The benefit of spending time alone is that it creates space for you to listen to your inner self. Being alone means that all external distractions are put aside and you are left with yourself.

This may sound scary to some. Subconsciously, many of us are afraid of loneliness, but try to gently overcome this discomfort and realize that time alone is absolutely necessary in order to develop self-esteem. Find ways to be alone with yourself and explore your inner world.

2. Be clear about your likes, dislikes, and values.

For this activity you will need a piece of paper and a pen. Divide your page into three parts: one section for your likes, one section for your dislikes, and a final section for your values.

In the Likes and Dislikes section, think back to times in your life when you felt either extremely happy or extremely unhappy. You can also think about what traits you like and don't like in other people. Write down your discoveries on a piece of paper. You may also want to reflect on the quality of your role models as well as your enemies. What do you like and dislike about each? Write down your thoughts.

Values ​​are what you respect and value most about yourself and others. Examples of values ​​include generosity, honesty, kindness, and so on. Our values ​​are unique to us and come from our hearts and souls. To discover your values, think about times in your life when you felt most proud of yourself and write them down. What qualities motivated your behavior? Write down your answer.

3. Set boundaries and learn to say “no”

By creating strong boundaries, you strengthen your sense of self-worth by determining what is okay and what is not okay in social situations. You can also pay attention to any people in your life who frequently push your boundaries. Notice how you feel about each person in your life—whether they support you and lift you up, or whether they drag you down.

When you feel exhausted, depressed or unhappy after meeting a particular person, consider limiting your contact with them. You have every right to take a step back, create rules and say no. Your time and energy are a limited resource, so make sure those draining it are far away from you.

4. Stop being busy and tune in to yourself.

Working too much can be a form of socially acceptable escape. When we focus on achieving goals and being productive, we simultaneously draw attention away from ourselves and direct it externally. There is nothing wrong with being an effective member of society. But have a balance between your work life and inner life.

Consider simplifying your life, at least for a while. Reduce your obligations and do only what is necessary. Spend the rest of your free time exploring yourself and developing self-knowledge. One great way to develop a strong sense of self is to practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness helps you reconnect with the present moment and how your mind, heart, and body are feeling. Meditation helps you pay attention to your inner thoughts. Try experimenting with both methods.

5. Redefine what success, happiness and satisfaction mean to you.

If you have a low sense of self-worth, chances are you are living by the idea of ​​success, happiness, and satisfaction that others have given you. Don't worry, this is completely normal and you have the power to change it. You have the opportunity to see that you don't have to be rich or popular to be successful - YOU define success. You have the opportunity to see that you don't need to have a fancy job or a big family to be happy - YOU define happiness.

You don't have to be spiritually elevated to experience satisfaction - YOU define what it means to you to be satisfied and happy. Your life is in your hands and don't let anyone try to tell you what you should do, feel, think or strive for. YOU can say “no, this is not for me.”

6. Find out more about your personality

Your personality is unique and multifaceted - and there are so many ways to explore it! Delving into the mechanics of your ego is fascinating, and today there are so many books, seminars, and articles on the Internet that encourage self-reflection. Because it is a fun way to get to know yourself better.

7. Take responsibility only for yourself (not for other people)

A weak sense of self-worth means that you tend to empathize too much with others to the point of taking responsibility for their feelings and actions. Stop it. Realize that the only person you are responsible for is yourself. Your parents, friends, colleagues, children and partners are ultimately responsible for their own happiness—it's not your job to make them happy. They are responsible for making themselves happy.

With the exception of young children who need constant guidance, those who grow up and mature must be in control of their own lives. By trying to take responsibility for others, you deprive them of the opportunity to learn an important life lesson: we all must be sovereign and in control of our views, feelings and actions. It's not your job to be friends with everyone, take care of everyone, save everyone, or make everyone happy. Keep affirming this to yourself and you will find it easier to strengthen your personality since you will no longer be giving all that energy to others.

8. Explore your passions

What turns you on? What makes you feel alive? What kind of events do you like? By exploring your passions, you help the ego development process that we all must go through. Pay attention to what passions or skills capture you and attract you to them. Give yourself permission to follow those passions and see where they take you.

9. Be a rebel: question everything

As Carl Jung - a great proponent of developing a healthy sense of self-esteem - once wrote:

“I carefully avoided all the so-called holy people. I did this because I had to deal with my own truth, not accept from others what I could not achieve on my own... I have to shape my life from myself, from what my inner being tells me or what nature brings to me ."

This quote captures the essence of what it means to develop a strong sense of self. Having a healthy ego means believing in yourself and listening to your own truth.

Developing a strong personality involves a certain level of willpower or willpower. You must be willing to question how others are trying to influence you and ask, “Does this feel true for me?” and “do I think this is right?”

Over the course of your life, you will inevitably be presented with numerous points of view, beliefs, values, and ideals from other people that do not seem authentic to you. To distinguish between what seems genuine and inauthentic, you must ask questions and pay attention to your inner feelings.