If a person lowers his eyes. If a person does not look into the eyes when talking: the opinion of a psychologist

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The desire and fear to look into each other's eyes came to us from the animal world. Before a predator attacks its prey, it stares into its eyes. Or when one of the predators looks away, he immediately becomes defeated. Next, we will analyze the reasons why people avert their eyes. It happens that there are several reasons at the same time. And the more there are, the more unrealistic it is to find the strength in yourself so as not to look away.

What are the reasons why a person averts his eyes. And how to learn to look at a person during a conversation. We will discuss this further, and concrete examples situations.

Fear

Fear binds and takes away not only the ability to look at the interlocutor, but also to express one's thoughts. You need to learn to reduce adrenaline in the blood, and not let it splash out every time you encounter your boss. For example, no matter how funny it may seem to you, imagine him naked in the shower and in soap, out of tune singing pop music. Did not help? Then mentally turn off his water and light. And How? Isn't he scary anymore? By the way, in the same way, the husband reacts to his wife's question: "Where have you been?" Although this question also covers all other reasons why a husband takes his eyes off his wife when he hears this remark.

This is a conversation between a naughty child and his father or mother. How to look into the eyes if they ask you: “Who broke the vase?” Well, it’s clear who, even a cat understands that now you’ll hang everything on him.

This is the fear of taking responsibility, the desire to shift it to someone else, softness and constant mistakes.

Well, finally become an adult! No need to blush with shame, it's time to blush with pride in yourself.

This is when a guy knows that yesterday he kissed a friend's girlfriend, but he does not know about it. And he begins to hide his eyes so that his friend cannot read anything there. Or a girlfriend said nasty things to another yesterday, and today they are drinking coffee together and eating sugar donuts in their favorite bistro.

The Kotyar method of life is for weak people. Only a cat can shit in the owner's slippers, and then go up to him and start purring and rubbing.

Uncertainty

A person with all his appearance “falls on his shoulder blades”, that is, he looks away and immediately recognizes himself as defeated. I am a small fish, how can I compete with sharks.

Well, look at you! Well, what kind of tyulka are you when algae are with you. Not the gods burn the pots. Everyone is wrong. There are no ideals. Be brave - big things are waiting for you!

What if someone sees what's inside you? He will look into the soul and find out that you are not a primary school teacher, but a maniac nicknamed "saw-10". Or vice versa, yes, you are not a primary school teacher, but a kind magician, so you absolutely do not want someone to walk around the palace of your soul in shoes.

A person does not want to let others into his soul. Therefore, he does not show the doors - the eyes through which it is elementary to get into the spiritual temple.

This is when a person, even if he is a thousand times right, smarter and more successful than the interlocutor, it will seem that everything is wrong, but exactly the opposite. He is a failure, a weakling, a nonentity. And his interlocutor is the ruler of the worlds. Why don't you take a closer look? Maybe he just knows the techniques of gazing.

It happens that it is really unpleasant for a person to look into the eyes of another. Disdains, hates, ignores, but you never know what - does not love and that's it!

The reason may be one or a whole arsenal. But what to do when you need to overcome yourself and force yourself not to look away? This needs to be worked on. And without practice, it just won't work.

Next, we offer several rules, techniques and methods.

Watch TV and watch the look of a hero or winner, such as the look of a boxer before halftime or a politician listening to a journalist's question.

Capture your highlights on video and play them back. For now, just watch and learn how others do it.

And now try to repeat this look - do not take your eyes off yourself. Yes, it's easy. Firstly, you are not smarter than yourself, secondly, you are not afraid, and thirdly ... according to the entire list that is given above. For such a look into the eyes of the interlocutor, willpower, masculinity and trust are needed.

Learning to look into the eyes of the interlocutor does not mean peering directly into the pupils of the emu.

Do not look a person first in one eye, then in the other. So your look will be running, cowardly and fickle. Look at his nose.

This is the best, most correct option that will never let you down.

Now expand the area, go from the bridge of the nose to the triangle - eyes, nose and lips.

From the outside, such a dash from the places of "deployment" of your gaze is not so noticeable, but it will give you maneuverability.

Breathe easy

Show calmness, confidence and relaxation with all your appearance.

If you are short of breath, then it may seem to the interlocutor that you are preparing for a jump, for an attack and will obviously bite him.

Peace, only peace!

The technique is very interesting. You are not afraid of a passerby, are you? That's it! And you have to be afraid. From the point of view of practice, this is a very interesting method to harden your steely gaze, but from the point of view of a black eye ... So look closely at the weak and frail, although here .. he will definitely look away, retreat and you will only have to follow him the top of the head, which is trying to dissolve in the crowd.

You also have peripheral vision and an occipital eye. Everything should work. Then you don’t have to look around and turn at every sound. Imagine you are a machine. You have glass in front, mirrors on the sides and over your head. You see everything around, so you calmly look ahead and masterfully drive the car.

During the peepers, look away, but not just to the side, but to the point. For example, look at a glass and take it in your hands.

You must learn to let go of the interlocutor a little and reduce your grip.

Is it important to you that everyone is comfortable? You need to look a person in the eye, and not devour him with your eyes.

You have to program yourself for something. The item should be small and always be with you, if you forget it, then remember it in detail. But it's better not to forget. It will serve as a kind of talisman, a talisman. First you must choose this item - a coin, a pendant, a ring. Or, as in the movie "Inception" - a small top. At home, looking at him, say affirmations - attitudes towards positive, strength, wealth. In a word - speak an object for good luck.

Installation for luck

The main thing here is to pick up the installation in time. This is a complex but very effective method.

• When you are at the peak of fame, fortune, triumph, take some action - hold your fist, show any positive combinations of fingers, or come up with something else.
• This state needs to be fixed - anchor in the area of ​​\u200b\u200bgood luck.
• And then, in order to pull yourself together and look your interlocutor in the eyes, do exactly the same movement or draw it in detail in your imagination.

Remember how they draw from a cartoon about a school? You need to say a spell and mentally flick your tail. If the "anchor" was installed correctly and works, then when the coded action is performed, the state of luck starts on its own.

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As it turned out, eye contact interferes with concentration

Many people try not to make eye contact with the person they are talking to during a conversation. There are several versions regarding the nature of this phenomenon. Some experts believe that people who avoid direct eye contact are afraid of being caught lying. According to other scientists, the point is the fear that too much staring will be regarded as an obsession or threat. However, a study by Japanese experts from Kyoto University showed that both of these versions are probably wrong.

Scientists conducted a series of experiments involving 26 volunteers. They were asked to name associations to certain words while the faces of people automatically created using a computer program appeared on the monitor in front of them. In some, these faces “looked” away, and in some, they looked directly at the research participant.

According to experts, the need to look someone in the eye did not interfere with the volunteers, if it was initially easy for them to come up with an association to the word. For example, people who were asked to come up with a verb associated with the word “knife” responded fairly quickly, such as “to cut.” However, if the associations were less obvious, or if there were so many that it was difficult to choose one, the participants were noticeably faster with the answer, if they did not have to look "in the eyes" of the image in front of them.

Based on their findings, the researchers hypothesized that eye contact distracts a person and prevents them from directing all thoughts to anything else, including the topic of conversation. This means that many people do not make eye contact during dialogue in order not to "overload" their brain unnecessarily.

My scientific work scientists published in the journal Cognition. Experts also recall that earlier the effect of eye contact on the mind was revealed in the course of another study - then researchers from Italy found that some people who were asked to look into someone's eyes for ten minutes, some time after the start of such a "session" started to hallucinate.

Eyes - a universal lie detector

The eyes are one of the most advanced lie detectors, by the movement of the eyeballs you can determine what a person is thinking about. this moment whether he is telling the truth or lying. People move their eyes in certain directions depending on what type of thinking is involved. Observation of the eyes is one of the simplest methods of obtaining information about a person’s thoughts and emotions.

Studies show that the pupil dilates by 45% if we like what we see, and conversely narrows if we don’t like it. It is also common for a person to squint his eyes when he experiences negative emotions. These eye reactions last about 1/8 of a second, but if you carefully observe them, you will definitely notice them. One variant of non-verbal cues involving the eyes is eye blocking. When a person, in response to visual or auditory information, covers his eyes with his hand, touches his eyelid, or simply closes his eyes for a split second, this indicates negative emotions from the information received. Even your own thoughts can cause such a reaction. It is worth noting that at the moment of stress, blinking of the eyes is learned. When a person experiences positive emotions, the eyes will be wide open, the eyebrows raised. Also, the expansion of the eyes is observed at the moment of surprise. Carefully study the photos in the gallery of emotions on the site. Determine which facial muscle groups are involved depending on the emotion.

Deciphering eye movements.

1.- Eye movement up to the left.

(Image-memory). When we visualize something from our experience: "What color is your car?" and along with the verbal response you will get the typical visual memory look up to the left.

"When you last time Have you seen this person?

2. - Defocusing of the eyes.

The eyes are defocused, their position is fixed, the pupil is somewhat dilated. visual images can be from memory or constructed.

3. - Movement of the eyes up to the right.

The constructed image. Visual representation of images, phenomena or objects that we have not seen before, or the representation of phenomena and objects not as we saw them before. "What will the cow look like?"

Auditory recall of those sounds that we have heard before. “What does your favorite song sound like? »

Hearing design. Auditory representation of sounds that we have never heard before. How does your dream song sound? How would your phone sound if you cover it with your hand?

6. Eye movement down to the left.

Internal conversation. This direction of the eyes also coincides with the function of speech control, when a person chooses the words he wants to pronounce. This direction of gaze can often be seen in an interpreter during an interpreting, in a student on a diploma defense in a person giving an interview.

7. - Eyes down to the right.

Sensation of emotions, tactile sensations, senses of movement, smell. "How do you feel when you feel angry?" “What do you feel when you play sports? “Remember how the burn bakes?” The important point is that it is impossible to construct sensations - we cannot imagine those feelings that we did not actually experience.

There is a typical eyeball movement pattern called "lie detector" direction of gaze from the visual structure (up to the right, horizontally to the right) to speech control (down to the left); in inner experience, this corresponds to such a sequence - first imagine, construct, how it could be, and then say only what corresponds to this, nothing more.

And now a couple of examples from life.

During the interrogation, the investigator asks the woman a question: What kind of relationship did you have with citizen “K”?

Answer: We were friends” – and looks down to the right. She goes into kinesthetic (sensory memories). Judging by the reaction of the eyes, namely the memories of sensations, we can conclude that the woman told a lie.

A similar situation: The husband returns from vacation, the wife asks: How did you rest? The husband replies: It was a bit boring and lowers his eyes to the right down. It goes into kinesthetic (sensory memories). It is too early to draw conclusions about lies, but we can say that he has something to remember.

Question: What happened at your meeting?

Answer: Nothing special, we talked and said goodbye. The eyes go to the left - up, while the pupils narrow. The meeting really took place, but he evokes memories of it more negative emotions. It can be assumed that there was a quarrel at the meeting.

An old wisdom says: "Look a person in the eyes when you talk to him, the eyes are the mirror of the soul." When you communicate, look at the pupils of partners, and you can understand their true feelings. The expression of the eyes is the key to a person's true thoughts. For centuries, people have attached great importance to the eyes and their impact on human behavior.

Expressions like "She just glared at him", or "She has the eyes of a child", or "His eyes darted", or "She has an alluring look", or "His eyes sparkled suspiciously", or "He has an evil eye", firmly settled in our language.
Watching the pupils of potential buyers was practiced by jewelers ancient China. They watched the eyes of buyers as they negotiated the price. In ancient times, belladonna was instilled into the eyes of prostitutes to dilate the pupils and appear more desirable. Aristotle Onassis always wore dark glasses during the conclusion of transactions, so as not to betray his true intentions.

Eye movements.
The basis for genuine communication can only be established through face-to-face communication. We feel comfortable around some people, awkward around others, and some do not seem trustworthy to us. It all depends on how they look at us and how long they keep their eyes on us during the conversation.
Like all other body language signals, the duration of the look at the interlocutor is determined by national traditions. In the south of Europe, people look at each other for a long time, which may seem offensive, for example, to the Japanese, who prefer to look at the interlocutor's neck rather than in the face during a conversation. You should always consider national traditions before jumping to conclusions.

business look
When you are conducting business negotiations, imagine that a kind of triangle is drawn on the face of the interlocutor. By focusing your gaze inside this zone, you will give the impression of a serious person. Your partner will feel that you are responsible and reliable. If your gaze does not fall below the eye level of the interlocutor, you will be able to keep the conversation under control.

What are the different views?
informal look
When the gaze of the interlocutor falls below the eye level of the partner, a friendly atmosphere arises. Experiments have shown that during informal communication, a triangular zone can also be distinguished on the face of the interlocutor. In this case, it is located between the eyes and mouth of the interlocutor.

intimate look
In this case, the gaze can slide over the face of the interlocutor, fall on the chin and other parts of the body. With close contact, this triangle can stretch to the chest, and if people are far apart, then drop to the level of the genitals. Men and women use this look to show their interest in each other. If a person is interested in you, then he will return the same look to you.
When a man believes that a woman is trying to lure him, then most likely he noticed that the woman is looking askance at him and her gaze glides over the intimate area. If a man or woman wants to demonstrate inaccessibility, then they just need to avoid an intimate look and confine themselves to an informal look. If, during courtship, you use a businesslike look, then your partner will consider you cold and unfriendly.
Remember that when you use an intimate gaze on a potential sexual partner, you lose control of the situation. Your intentions become perfectly clear. Women are great experts in sending and recognizing such views, but men should still learn from them.
The eyes play a very important role in the courtship process. Women use makeup to enhance this effect. If a woman is in love with a man, then her pupils dilate when she looks at him, and he unmistakably recognizes this signal without even realizing it. This is why most romantic dates take place in subdued light, which causes the pupils to dilate.
The intimate look of a man is not difficult to notice, but they themselves almost never notice it, to the deep disappointment of women.

Sideways glance
This is how people who are either interested in you or hostile look at you. If a person at the same time raises his eyebrows high or smiles, then he is clearly interested. This is a sign of courtship. If the eyebrows, on the contrary, are frowned and brought together at the bridge of the nose, and the corners of the mouth are lowered, then the person treats you with suspicion, hostility or criticism.

drooping eyelids
If the person we are talking to lowers their eyelids, it is very annoying.
The duration of visual contact depends on the distance between the interlocutors. The greater the distance, the more prolonged eye contact is possible between them. Therefore, communication will be more effective if the partners sit on opposite sides of the table, in which case the increase in the distance between the partners will be compensated by the increase in the duration of eye contact.

Under certain lighting, the pupils can dilate or constrict, and a person's mood can change from negative to positive and vice versa. If a person is excited, then his pupils dilate. They can become up to four times their normal size. And vice versa, if a person is negative, irritated or angry, then his pupils narrow to the minimum size - "beady eyes", or "snake eyes".
Studies done on professional gamblers have shown that if their opponent wears dark glasses, the pros win fewer games.

Women look longer at those who are sympathetic to them, and men - at those who sympathize with them. Women in general use a direct gaze more often than men, and therefore they are less likely than men to perceive a gaze as a threat, on the contrary, a woman considers a direct gaze an expression of interest and a desire to establish contact. Although, by no means all direct views of men are perceived favorably by women, a lot depends on the man himself.

A man is looking for something completely different. Looking at the Stranger, he, as a rule, looks past the clothes. There, where a piece of snow-white skin opens. Or the contours of the chest, the bend of the waist, the rise of the leg are indicated.
If a woman constantly averts her eyes to the side, but at the same time she still tries to follow the gaze of a man, this indicates that she is not indifferent to the interlocutor.

If a woman looks over the interlocutor more often than at him, you should not flatter yourself - she does not experience romantic feelings, but most likely thinks about how best to use the gentleman who has turned up under her arm.
There are "shooting" looks, when a woman quickly looks at a man - and then immediately looks away. Even before he had time to intercept her "shot". And then, when a romantic acquaintance begins to be tied up, when a man began to enthusiastically perceive the Stranger, a "languid" look comes into play. From under half-closed eyelashes. But it is no longer just interest. This look calls for a new relationship. He says that the woman really liked this man. And she wants to meet. After a "languid" look, there is nowhere to retreat. This look is an invitation to acquaintance. After him, the man should come up and say something.

Young lovers who stare into each other's eyes unconsciously expect their partner's pupils to dilate. This signal is very exciting.

You should not think that a direct look is a sign of honesty and openness. Well-trained liars are able to fix their eyes on the eyes of the interlocutor, and besides, they also try to control their hands, not allowing them to approach the face. However, if the liar is not trained, for example, a child, then his lies are easy to recognize, the liar's hands reach out to his face, block his mouth and nose, his eyes run around.

If a person is dishonest or tries to hide important information, his gaze meets the gaze of the interlocutor for less than one third of the entire conversation. If eye contact lasts more than two thirds of the conversation, then this can mean one of two things: either your interlocutor finds you a very interesting or attractive person (then his pupils will dilate). Or he is hostile towards you (in which case you will notice a non-verbal challenge, and the pupils will narrow to the size of a pinhead).

It's no surprise that a nervous, shy person whose gaze constantly darts to and fro less than 30 percent of the time in a conversation inspires little confidence. Going to business negotiations, do not wear dark glasses, as they can give your partners the unpleasant feeling that they are being considered point-blank.

What does look mean?
involuntary eye movements (noticeably "shifting eyes") - anxiety, shame, deceit, fear, neurasthenia;
brilliant look - fever, excitement;
enlarged pupils - a feeling of interest and enjoyment of information, communication, photography, a partner, food, music and other external factors, acceptance of something, but also severe suffering;
chaotic movements of the pupils - a sign of intoxication (the more such movements, the drunker the person);
increased blinking - arousal, deception.
A subject who makes eye contact with you noticeably less than one-third of the entire communication period is either not being honest or trying to hide something;
the one who undisguisedly stubbornly peers into your eyes has an increased interest in you (the pupils are dilated), shows outright hostility (the pupils are narrowed) or seeks to dominate.
Constriction and expansion of the pupils are not subject to consciousness, and therefore their reaction very clearly shows the partner's interest in you. You can control your eyes, but not your pupils.
The expansion of the pupils shows an increase in interest in you, their narrowing will tell about hostility. However, such phenomena must be observed in dynamics, because the size of the pupil also depends on the illumination. In bright sunlight, the pupils of a person are narrow, in a dark room, the pupils dilate.
It is worth paying attention if the partner looks up to the left or just up (in relation, of course, to himself, and not to the observer) - he is immersed in visual memories.
Looking up to the right reveals a visual construction. Man tries to imagine what he has never seen.
Looking down to the left is an internal conversation with yourself.

Be attentive to people in order to understand them deeper!

Why doesn't the person make eye contact? There is a widespread belief that he is telling lies and deliberately hiding his eyes so as not to betray his real intentions. This may well be true, but there are a number of other reasons why the interlocutor specifically avoids eye contact. A person may not look into the eyes because of the peculiarities of his character, temperament, lack of courage, or self-doubt. The qualities that form the personality in each of us are expressed in different ways, and this affects how a person is sociable and how he behaves when talking.

A person does not look into the eyes when talking - the main reasons

Banal shyness

This fact is confirmed scientific research. A person knows that a glance can betray feelings, so they deliberately avert it. Many lovers try to hide their increased interest, because they are afraid to openly declare their feelings, or they are waiting for the right moment. If at the same time your interlocutor, in addition, blushes and starts talking some nonsense, then there is love here!

Diffidence

It is difficult for such people to communicate with others, because they constantly worry about what they will think of them. An insecure person rarely makes eye contact, and often does so furtively, because he is very worried about his emotional experiences and thinks about how best to behave when talking.

Heavy unpleasant look of the interlocutor

Such people are often referred to as energy vampires, who, as if on purpose, "drill" their eyes, wanting to suppress and show their superiority. The heavy, fixed gaze of the opponent seems to pierce the interlocutor, causing discomfort and causing unpleasant emotions. In these cases, eye contact is very difficult, so many try to avoid it, for example, by lowering their eyes to the floor.

Irritation

Some people may be tired of close eye contact attempts on the part of the interlocutors, they think that they are trying to convict them of something bad and experience unpleasant emotions and irritation about this.

What the interlocutor says is absolutely not interesting

If an averted indifferent look is combined with yawning, and the one you are talking to often looks at his watch, then you should quickly stop this dialogue, since it is ineffective. In this case, the meaning of verbal and non-verbal information exchange is absent.

Intensive information flow

In a few seconds of close eye contact, you can get a very large amount of information, which equates to many hours of frank communication. Therefore, even in a confidential conversation, friends sometimes look away in order to be distracted and digest the information received.

Why do people close their eyes when talking?

A squint means a precise concentration of attention on a particular object. A narrowed, intense look can indicate an increased tendency to criticize and ill will, as well as give out the callousness of a given person. Half-covered eyelids of the interlocutor during a conversation indicate his high self-esteem, arrogance, arrogance, and complete inertia to ongoing events.

If the interlocutor closes his eyes without much tension, without closing them, it means that he is trying to abstract himself from external events. Such self-isolation helps to focus well on thinking about a task, reflect on upcoming events and enjoy sensual visual images.

Considering the situation as a whole, it is quite possible to understand why a person hides his eyes when talking.