How to control your emotions. How to deal with negative emotions? Ability to cope with negative emotions from people

All people experience negative emotions, but some people cope with them easily, switching in a timely manner or giving them a way out.

And some keep them inside, constantly accumulating them, which leads to stress and various psychosomatic diseases. And if you are one of these people, then you should learn to manage your emotions and learn to cope with them. How can I do that? you'll find out now.

In order to cope with negative emotions you need to use the following techniques:

1. Forgive

If the cause of your negative experiences is resentment, then psychologists say: “I’m sorry.” You will immediately feel better. Naturally, once will not be enough. If your grievances are strong, then practice forgiveness regularly for 1-2 months. Small grievances can be forgiven after 1-5 meditations.

Here are the most effective exercises for grievances:

1. Take a sheet of paper. And write a few letters to your offender. In the first, throw out all the pain, in the rest, try to forgive. Then burn the paper.

2. Use prayers.

3. If your imagination works well, do the following exercise. Choose a time and place where you can be alone with yourself. Sit down and relax. Then imagine a black hole that sucks in all your thoughts. It is important to calm them down.

When your mind and body are ready, count from 7 to 1 and close your eyes. Imagine that you are walking along the sea coast. Is there anyone there? Except you. You enjoy the walk, the sound of the sea. You stop and express your intention to forgive such and such a person. You see how he approaches you and you stand or sit opposite each other. Look into his eyes, take his hands and say out loud:

"I forgive you for..." Remember all the painful moments and let them go. Then say goodbye to this person. And swim in the sea, feeling how it takes away all the negativity and transforms it into good.

4. If you believe in magic, then you can try ritual practices.

The simplest one:

1. Create a circle.

2. Call on patrons.

3. Ask for their help in forgiveness.

4. Light a black candle. Pre-charge it for your goal, for liberation from resentment.

5. Write on paper “getting rid of grievances”

6. Say the affirmation of forgiveness 108 times.

7. Burn the sheet.

8. Thank the gods.

9. Complete the circle.

Some esotericists believe that it is impossible to forgive grievances. They are recommended to be returned to the offender.

They explain it this way:

The fact is that when people hurt you, they send energy waves into you. And you “swallow” them. By forgiving others, you actually push negativity deeper into yourself.

What should I do? Return the negative to the person who sent it. Or simply “drain” it into fire, water, earth, asking to be transformed into love.

In the first case, take a black plate. Burn the sheet of paper in which you poured out the pain. Then scatter the ashes into the wind, saying: “Go back to where it came from.”

In the second option, the resentment can be released into water, burned in fire, sent to the wind or buried in the ground, while it is important to keep the focus on the intention of transforming it into good energies.

Which theory is correct? Both. To each according to faith.

2.Splash it onto paper

Get yourself a notebook and write every day everything that you want to throw out from your soul. Then you can burn your notes or tear them up. Such a diary helps not only to free yourself from unnecessary worries, but also to understand why something happens in your life. Just in addition to just venting, do some introspection.

3.Express in dance

Turn on some upbeat music and let your body go. Let one move the way he wants. It helps a lot.

You can add a positive attitude to the dance by saying, for example, the phrase: “I let go of the negative.”

4.Shout

If you can afford to shout without disturbing other people, do it. Turn on the music louder and free yourself from negative emotions. Just don't overdo it. Otherwise the pressure may rise. 5-10 minutes is enough.

You can do a similar practice in a forest or field.

When freeing yourself from anger at home, to intensify the exercise, hit pillows. If you have a pear, great. Knock on it. A safer option is to just cry. The main thing is not to suppress emotions, but to let them go.

It’s also worth saying something here. You shouldn't feel guilty about your shadow side. Know that you have a right to be angry. Everything is dual. There is no such thing as only positive things. Anger is also right. Tell yourself: “Yes, I’m angry. I have the right to be.” Well, let it all out, cry, scream, etc.

5. Play sports.

Running, brisk walking, punching bags, or abdominal exercises can also help. If this method is closer to you, then great. Use it to your advantage. You can also use calmer practices, such as yoga. It perfectly calms the mind and harmonizes body and soul. Exercise regularly.

6. Nature

There is no better cure for destructive experiences than a walk through a forest, field or river bank. Nature is indispensable in healing emotions, and it also fills you with energy.

7. Temples

For believers, a temple is a wonderful place of power; it has a healing effect on the soul. If you are irritable or going through a difficult time, attend church more often. After it you feel some kind of light inside yourself. You can also order a magpie for yourself and those people who cause negative feelings in you.

7. Candles

Candle magic has been used since ancient times. If you are overcome by dark thoughts or emotions, light a candle and contemplate its flame. Imagine how the fire burns away pain, guilt or other negativity.

8.Creativity

You can throw out negativity with the help of drawing; art therapy is used by many psychologists in working with the soul. You can also write stories and poems with a positive ending.

Thought is the beginning of everything

In order to prevent negative emotions from taking over you, you need to switch from bad to good in a timely manner. As soon as you catch yourself having destructive thoughts, immediately change them to the opposite. This will be difficult to do at first. But regular training will develop in you the habit of thinking positively or neutrally.

Meditation techniques are very helpful for managing emotions. Learn to relax and calm your mind. Do 1 meditation daily for 10-30 minutes. This will help you cope with negative emotions. Simple relaxation will also help.

Or try breathing exercises. They are very useful not only for managing your emotions, but also for the health of the entire body.

Fatigue away.

People who are tired have a harder time controlling their emotional background. Therefore, find time to relax. Don't betray yourself for false purposes and don't be victims. Life is given to be happy, to do what brings you positive energy. Be sure to keep your focus on pleasure. Fool around, travel, watch movies.

Overcoming Guilt

Guilt is a destructive emotion that destroys you. You should get rid of it. To do this, you can apply the forgiveness techniques you have learned previously. Plus work with thoughts. As soon as you begin to blame yourself for something, tell yourself: “everything is so, everything is correct.”

Know that the feeling of guilt is artificial, it was created for the purpose of controlling you. A person who believes that he has done something wrong is easy to manipulate.

Know that you live as best you know how. And they did what they could. Don't get stuck on the past. On your mistakes. Let them go. And move forward with a pure heart, living as you see fit. Making mistakes is also right. It's part of life. Without this there would be no great achievements. Mistakes teach you to become smarter and wiser.

Managing Fear

Fear is another emotion that you should learn to manage. And the only working method to do this is to leave your comfortable space, go towards what you are afraid of.

This is the only way you will gain strength.

Oh those patterns

To manage emotions, it is important to know the reason for their appearance. Behind them are your patterns. This term is used in the Teutsch technique. He identified 14 key success lessons that affect our lives.

Patterns are overcome through reflection.

For example, you caught yourself doing something that annoys you certain person. According to Toychu, this is a pattern of love for people. You may be hostile towards others and get irritated for one reason or another.

As soon as you catch yourself doing this, tell yourself:

“Name, are you being hostile to others again? In fact, this person has the right to be himself, he has the right to his reactions, to his opinion.”

By working in this direction, you will correct your perception and stop experiencing negative emotions.

If there is a breakdown

Don't get stuck in your feelings. Breakdowns are normal. The main thing is to recognize them in a timely manner and move on.

That is, first you should accept that you are out of balance. Secondly learn lessons. And thirdly, let go, move forward.

And also don’t forget to find the reason for your negative experiences. Ask yourself: “Why am I angry (angry, offended...)” and “What can I do to correct this situation?” Answer these questions and take action.

Increased emotionality and an explosive character characterize a person who violently expresses own feelings and cannot control them. An event of any nature (joyful or negative) will be the impetus for a violent emotional reaction and can cause emotional burnout.

You want to laugh and cry, scream or break something in a fit of anger and irritation, the conversation tends to turn into a showdown with breaking dishes and remarks in a raised voice. Any news causes a flurry of sensory experiences: from overwhelmingly joyful to decadently depressive, failures generally drive you crazy, you want to destroy, break, scream, be indignant. If you are familiar with such conditions, then you are the owner of increased emotionality and you probably know firsthand that the result of such emotional outbursts can be emotional burnout.

Emotions help us express our own feelings, but sometimes their power is so strong that it begins to get out of control. Here a person may wonder: is it possible to learn to control your emotions and how to cope with them in especially stressful moments? This can be done, but to achieve the desired harmony with yourself you will have to work hard and get acquainted with the mechanisms of functioning of your own inner world.

Emotional balance - why isn't it there?

Of course, vigorously expressing one’s emotions is not normal for the human psyche. Moreover, sometimes it even has a destructive effect on his worldview, scattering calm and balanced perception of reality to pieces, but it can also serve as an impetus for the development of a bunch of related problems: depression, apathy, the development of psychosomatic diseases.

It is also wrong to consider a heightened emotional character trait: they say, “I was born this way and nothing can be done about it.” This is exactly what you can do if you understand that any so-called “character trait” is a set of a huge number of response machines triggered within you under the influence of your subconscious, which stores all the information about your past, all your beliefs and ideas about yourself and the world:

• past grievances, especially those received in childhood,
• unspoken bitterness, tears,
• fears, phobias and suspiciousness, the habit of making mountains out of molehills and exaggerating the scale any problem,
• past failures and failures and the conclusions drawn as a result of them, the habit of “expecting the worst” and fear of change,
• a lot of personal ideas and rigid beliefs about how “things should be”, how “right”, which flow like a fountain when the situation goes beyond its expected ideal model.

And also many other reasons that each person has their own. All this baggage accumulated over life is not only stored by the subconscious, but also determines the patterns of a person’s emotional response. It’s as if an automatic machine goes off inside - and we again and again feel anger, rage, depression, anger or envy, without understanding why.

Each person has his own personal “baggage” accumulated over his life, so we are all different and react differently, worry, suffer and laugh under the influence of different reasons. But achieving emotional balance is universal, since it lies in freeing the subconscious from all negative information stored in it, all suppressed emotions.

How to control your emotions and live in harmony with yourself

You can reassure yourself every time, saying that “everything is fine,” you can visualize and try to radiate “love and light,” or turn to the all-knowing Internet for help and ask for advice on forums or look for it in psychological columns. BUT. All these measures will be a kind of cosmetic repair, because they will not reveal to you all the true roots of the problem. It’s hard to radiate light if you’re fueled by anger from within and overflowing with aggression. Forcing yourself and smiling through tears is not only difficult, but also harmful. Logically trying to convince yourself that you need to remain calm in a given situation is also useless. Consciousness is involved in about five percent of the mechanisms of functioning of the human essence, everything else is the work of the subconscious, it does not heed logic, exhortations and temporary measures.

By eliminating the response programs embedded in the subconscious, it becomes possible to truly effectively manage your emotions. You shouldn’t treat the subconscious as an enemy, of course. By accumulating information within itself, the subconscious strives to protect us, and not to destroy, because it preserves all our traumas, everything that has hurt our psyche, and tries, through automatic means, to prevent these traumas from occurring again. Through anger, aggression, depression, we protect ourselves, like little children, from beatings and punishments.

If you try to remove these machines, then the expression of emotions becomes free. Your experiences are no longer determined by what you have experienced in the past or what “thoughts” you have about how you should behave, but by your emotional balance. Harmony with oneself is not insensitivity, it is an emotional balance in which emotions do not overwhelm and do not lead to emotional burnout, it is a calm and even state. Failures, if they occur, are perceived as a working moment: “it was and is past,” and joy is experienced the way you want in the moment here and now.

The information in this article is the result of the personal experience of its author, all articles are written based on their own results of using the system and are not intended to convince anyone of anything.

This site is a personal initiative of its author and has no relation to the author of the Turbo-Suslik technique, Dmitry Leushkin.

Incredible facts

It’s normal to experience emotions, the problem is that often we don’t know what to do with them.

Therefore, in most cases we resort to familiar methods. For men, the most common outlets are video games, alcohol and smoking. Women cope with their emotions through food or shopping.

It's good if this happens from time to time. However, most often we use such unhealthy methods regularly. Ultimately, our relationships, work and health suffer.

How can you learn to manage your emotions effectively?

There are a few rules to remember.

How to learn to control your emotions

1. You don't choose your emotions because they arise in a part of the brain that we have no control over.

2. Emotions are not subject to moral rules. They are not good or bad, right or wrong. It's just emotions.

3. You are in charge of your emotions.

4. You can suppress emotions, but you cannot get rid of them.

5. Emotions can lead you astray or lead you down the right path. It all depends on your actions.

6. The more you ignore them, the stronger they become.

7. The only way to deal with emotions is to allow yourself to feel them.

8. Emotions fuel your thoughts. You can use your thoughts to manage your emotions.

9. You need to understand your emotions and what they want to tell you so that you can cope with stress. In other words, you need to process your emotions.

10. Every emotion carries an important message. This message helps you understand yourself better, even if you try to hide it. Do yourself a favor and accept whatever emotions you have by feeling them.

11. How your parents responded to your emotions determines how you feel about your emotions now. As you matured, your emotions matured along with you. They developed, became deeper and more influential.

How to manage emotions

Your emotions have been trying to come to the surface for a long time. They do not disappear, but go deep, and these roots have meaning.

If you want to become more aware of your emotions, start acknowledging them to avoid misunderstandings with others.

There are a few simple steps to learn to cope with your emotions.

1. What emotion are you experiencing?

The first thing you need to do is identify what you are feeling. Psychologists highlight 4 main emotions: anxiety, sadness, anger, joy.

When you are anxious, thoughts come to you: " What if I don't find a job?", "What if I stay single?", "What if I fail the exam?"You worry about the future and what could go wrong. Physically, you may feel an increased heart rate, muscle tension, and clenching of your jaw.

When you are sad, you have negative thoughts about the past. You feel tired and heavy, may cry, and have difficulty concentrating.

Anger is expressed through thoughts focused on how someone has violated your values. Physical symptoms are similar to those of anxiety: rapid heartbeat, a feeling of tightness in the chest.

When you are happy, your thoughts are focused on your achievements. For example, you got the job you wanted, bought an apartment, or received a compliment. Physically you feel lightness and calmness, smile and laugh.

2. Determine the message of your emotions

Ask yourself a question to understand why you have this or that emotion:

Anxiety: What am I afraid of?

Sadness: What have I lost?

Anger: What values ​​of mine were hurt by the other person?

Happiness: What did I gain?

Managing Emotions

Once you have identified the emotion and its message, you need to take action. Ask yourself if there is anything that can solve the situation. If possible, do it.

For example, if you are sad and cannot find a job, you can turn to friends and acquaintances for help.

If you can't do anything, think about how you can cope with the emotion. Try meditation, talk to a friend, write down your thoughts on paper, engage in physical activity, seek professional help. Choose what's right for you.

Many people complain that they cannot collect their “nerves in a box,” restrain themselves in order to maintain balance and not incite an impending conflict, get rid of feelings of nervousness and anxiety, or “come to their senses” after emotional shock or stress. There are more than enough circumstances in life that provoke a surge of emotions: exams, job interviews, concluding important deals, sorting things out with superiors or a loved one... But you never know the things in life that can throw us off balance. An unbalanced person can explode and say too much, cry, commit an act that he will later regret - and thereby spoil not only his impression of himself, but also close off some opportunities for himself.

There are two ways to overcome emotional crises. The first is to restrain your emotions., not the best, because by suppressing emotions within ourselves, we risk accumulating critical mass negativity - and a real emotional explosion will occur. Second - learn to control yourself and control your emotions. This path is more productive.

Take care of yourself

It is important to understand for yourself how an emotional breakdown manifests itself in you. One person breaks into aggression, the second suddenly begins to cry, the third is speechless. You should carefully study your own reactions and build the situation in such a way as to protect yourself in the eyes of others. Therefore, if you feel that your emotions are starting to get out of control, take care that the consequences of an emotional outburst do not affect your career or ruin you public speaking, did not make you feel ashamed or embarrassed in front of witnesses of your weakness.

Coping with fatigue

Control over emotions weakens when a person is tired. You should not accumulate fatigue or fight it. Give yourself permission to relax, change your surroundings, treat yourself to something pleasant. Relaxing in nature, partying with trusted friends, or going shopping for fun purchases will help shift your energy to positive things and reduce the risk of an emotional breakdown with negative consequences. Physical work helps a lot, just don’t forget that physical work should be enjoyable. During a break or vacation, strengthen your nervous system. To do this, you may have to do meditation, yoga, or sports exercises. Walking, during which you can, for example, collect pebbles or take photographs, will not hurt. Don't forget that creativity heals. Think about forgotten hobbies, read a book that you have long put aside to read. Sit by the water, free yourself from obsessive thoughts, listen to the birds singing or just watch in the aquarium.

Breathe deeper

If you feel stress coming over you, stop, take a comfortable position, relax, breathe deeply and slowly, try to get rid of the rush. There is no need to be afraid of being late - remember that your calmness is the key to efficiency in any work. Analyze your own emotions: try to understand what exactly unsettles you, what is the trigger for emotions. You should not skimp on time if you want to devote it to “putting things in order” inside. Clear thoughts are a guarantee that emotions will not overwhelm you unexpectedly. Favorite music will help bring emotions and thoughts into a state of harmony. You should not listen to something new in critical situations. Familiar, calm music will work well; it will relieve stress and return emotions to normal.

Don't be afraid to see a therapist

If you are increasingly unable to control your emotions, and the suppression of emotions has a depressing effect on your mood, in addition, you are confused and cannot calm down on your own, and the “outbursts” of adrenaline inside plunge you into a state of melancholy or fear - you should think about a visit to a psychologist, psychotherapist. A professional in his field will help you understand the intricacies of cause and effect, remember forgotten nervous shocks and difficult impressions in order to experience them consciously and part with them. By the way, a reliable friend or girlfriend can play the role of a psychotherapist. You can, of course, rely on your loved one in these matters, but this is fraught with consequences. Close ones, loving people- are impressionable, and if you “load” such a person, the relationship may suffer, and the feeling of awkwardness and guilt may push you away from the one who involuntarily became a “vest” for you. However, if there is unconditional trust and spiritual closeness between you and a loved one, then you can even give free rein to tears. After crying, you will free your psyche from unnecessary emotions.

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Everyone has emotions. Some of them - joy or happiness - are quite easy to cope with. Other emotions, including fear, anger or sadness, are more complex. When dealing with anger, depression or frustration, it is important to be able to respond appropriately to such emotions, which can cause anxiety in the short and long term.

Steps

How to Handle Difficult Emotions in a Stressful Moment

Identify your current emotion. This may be more difficult than it seems. When in doubt, start with the four main categories: worry, sadness, anger, or joy. By simply identifying your feeling, you can begin to weaken the emotion, moving forward in finding the cause. Feelings can vary in intensity, but most can be classified into one of these four broad categories.

Practice breathing relaxation techniques. Such measures when dealing with a difficult emotion are a common strategy. To cope with emotional reaction, focus on the things you can control. In this case it is breathing. Research shows that breathing control training has a positive effect on the fight-or-flight stress response.

• For example, one simple way is to count to five as you inhale, then hold your breath and count to five as you exit. Focus on each step of the breath.
• Another method is the deflated balloon method. Inflate the balloon and watch it deflate.

1. Self-soothing method. This is another way to focus on something other than a difficult emotion. An illustrative example of self-soothing is the five senses method. Sit in a comfortable position and focus on breathing. Then separate each of your five senses and focus on each of them for a minute. Please note the following:

   • Hearing: What sounds do you hear? External sounds are important - the noise of cars, people talking, the chirping of birds. Switch to internal sounds - breathing or digestion. When you focus on your hearing, do you notice things that previously escaped your attention?
   • Smell: What smells do you smell? Is there food nearby? Flowers outside the window? You can identify smells that you haven't noticed before, like the smell of paper in a book. Close your eyes. This can sometimes help reduce visual distractions.
   • Vision: What do you see? Pay attention to details - colors, patterns, shapes and textures. Pay attention to the color palette of common items that you haven't really considered before.
   • Taste: What taste do you smell? Even if you don't eat anything, you experience a certain taste. Distinguish the aftertaste of the last drink or dish. Run your tongue over your teeth and cheeks to get a better understanding.
   • Touch: How do you feel without moving from your current sitting position? Feel the touch of clothing, a chair or the floor on your skin. Feel the texture of the fabric or upholstery of the chair with your fingers and focus on that.

2. Try progressive muscle relaxation (PRM). This is one of the ways to manage the situation by tensing and relaxing different muscle groups. The advantages of this method include the ability to become aware of all the physical sensations of your body. Start with your toes and work your way up to individual muscle groups throughout your body, all the way up to your head.

   Meditation or prayer. Meditation improves positive emotions, satisfaction, health and joy. It also reduces anxiety, stress and depression. There are many ways to meditate, but the goal of each is to calm the mind.

   Drop the negative thought. Some people find it helpful to write down negative emotions so they can question them later. A physical action such as throwing a piece of paper on which negative emotion, will help you cope with it mentally. Despite the symbolism, associating controlled physical action with releasing an emotion should help you.

   Positive images. The most in a simple way interrupting negative thoughts can be replaced by positive images. This is especially helpful if you are stuck in a memory with a complex emotional impact. Start with an image or mental representation of something pleasant or peaceful. It could be a place or a memory. You can think of a time/situation/place that can calm you down and improve your mood.

   Talk to a friend. Loneliness when experiencing sad or painful emotions can create an echo chamber in which your emotion swirls. Try talking to someone in your social circle. Emotions are contagious, and joy is no exception. One of your funny friends can save you at such a moment.

   How to curb emotions for a long time

   1. Keep a diary. This helps many people understand and process difficult emotions. Sometimes the complexity of an emotion is simply the inability to express it. Write down events, your feelings, duration and severity of emotions. By simply putting these thoughts into writing, you will immediately begin to process the emotion.

      Identify the source of difficult emotions. By writing down your emotions, you may discover repetition of sources that weren't obvious before. Try to identify the source of each emotion. Once you know the common causes, try to figure out how to get rid of them or at least reduce the impact on you.

      Fight negative thoughts. Often people despair when faced with difficult emotions and immediately begin to develop negative thoughts that are far from reality. By separating and questioning such thoughts, you can track the reactions that become an avalanche of difficult emotions. The process of struggling and correcting your thoughts takes time and patience, but first ask yourself the following questions:

      • Is this idea true?
      • If you believe it to be true, what evidence supports such a hypothesis?
      • How do you respond to negative thoughts?
      • How will your behavior or actions change if you get rid of this thought?

   2. Use thought interruption techniques. Once you understand how to question negative thoughts, you can begin to acknowledge the behaviors associated with them. This will allow you to interrupt a series of negative thoughts and replace them with positive or productive thoughts.

      • You can start with a verbal interruption (telling yourself “Stop it”) or even a physical stimulus (rubber band on your wrist) when you detect a negative thought. This will help interrupt it.

   3. Sublimate difficult emotions. Switch to what you love when difficult emotions arise. Use these feelings as a channel for creative and artistic expression. This is sublimation. Difficult emotions consume a lot of energy, and channeling that energy into activities, skills, and other positive outlets will help you cope productively with the situation.

      Seek support from loved ones. Don't try to move mountains alone. Talking to someone who can calm you down can help ease difficult emotions or negative thoughts. It may also result in a solution to your problem or a way of dealing with emotions that had never occurred to you before. Hiding problems always only creates new ones, but does not solve them. Seek support from friends, loved ones, relatives, or even mental health professionals.

      Talk to a specialist. If you have accumulated long-term stress from dealing with complex emotions, you can turn to professionals for help.