Negotiations between a destroyer and a lighthouse. Is it true? A story about an American warship, a lighthouse and a canary

The story about a canary, a lighthouse and an American aircraft carrier has undergone many changes over the years of existence - and is still walking around the Internet. Is there any truth in it? We figured it out.

The myth of the ship and the lighthouse

First the canonical version:

Americans: "Please change course 15 degrees north to avoid collision."

Canadians: "I advise you to change YOUR course 15 degrees to the south in order to avoid a collision."

Americans: “This is the captain of the US Navy ship. I repeat, change course."

Canadians: No. I repeat, change course yourself."

Americans: “This is the aircraft carrier Lincoln, the second largest warship in the US Atlantic Fleet. We are escorted by three cruisers, three destroyers and numerous support ships. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north or we will be forced to take the necessary steps to ensure the safety of our ship."

Canadians: "It's a lighthouse. Do what you want".

In some variations of this tale there are a couple of Spanish rangers, wine, beer, a canary and a dog, in some an Irish lighthouse, in some ... in short, if American ships passed through Russian territorial waters, the tale about them would definitely be changed. And everyone who talked about this would beat himself in the chest with his heel and shout that he personally drank vodka with “Mikhalych” (the lighthouse keeper) ... and walked the bear.

Step one: the birth and youth of a myth

Where do the “legs” of the legend grow from? The history is vague and goes back somewhere exactly before the 30s of the XX century. Lighthouses and ships, of course, have existed since the dawn of time. But the ability to “blink” (and it is mentioned in all versions of the tale) appeared no earlier than early XIX century.

The first version of our joke dates back to 1931. In a cartoon published in the British weekly The Humorist and the Canadian newspaper Drumheller Review, two skippers shout to each other:

- Where are you going with your damn ship?

- It's not a ship! It's a lighthouse!

As you can see, in the early version of the legend, the captains communicate by voice, not by radio, and there is no mention of warships.

Colleagues of journalists did not hesitate to "pick up" a good joke and - already in the form of an anecdote - published it in the London newspaper Ansers in 1934. The differences are minimal, with the exception of one: here for the first time the fog in which the ship was sailing was mentioned.

Okay, everyone laughed, the newspaper was used for its intended purpose - and they forgot about the joke, right? No matter how!

The last version of the "pre-radio" tale was a picture printed on a postcard in 1943 by Rafael Tuck and Sons with the same text. It is worth noting that, most likely, it was this postcard, which was sent during the war, that did not allow the legend to go into oblivion and kept it afloat for a sufficient time.

Step Two: From the Deep

What distinguishes any myth from an ordinary joke? It's simple: promotion.

Here the legend of the lighthouse and the ship is incredibly lucky! First, in 1989, Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits highly effective people". Yes Yes. The successful, the lucky, the "winners in life" and the best-of-the-best (well, or those who wanted to become them) should have read this book in order to receive knowledge from the "guru".

Here the legend appeared in a different version:

Two battleships maneuvered at sea in bad weather for several days. One night, the observer reported that he saw light on the opposite course.

The captain of the battleship asked if he was approaching or retiring. Hearing that a collision was imminent, the commander of the ship requested an oncoming ship by radio.

Captain: "Ship approaching us, we advise you to change course 20 degrees."

Answer: "It is advisable for you to change course by 20 degrees."

Captain: "I'm the captain of the ship, change course to 20 degrees immediately."

"I'm a second-class sailor," came the reply, "it's better to change course yourself by 20 degrees."

By then the captain was furious. He shouted:

"I'm a battleship!!! Change course 20 degrees!

In response, a flashing light appeared.

"I am a lighthouse."

The writer refers to a 1987 article by one Frank Kok in the Naval Institute's Works magazine.

Here, for the first time, a warship (battleship), radio communications and the exaggerated ego of the captain are mentioned, who, apparently, did not hear about the rules of navigation and does not know how to distinguish between the side lights of ships and the light of a beacon.

Secondly, three years later, the great science fiction writer Isaac Asimov, who was a very versatile person, included this joke in a reissue of his Treasury of Humor (first published in 1971). The 1992 edition was called Asimov Laughs Again: Over 700 Favorite Wits, Limericks and Jokes.

If Covey's book did not finish off the audience, then Asimov made an almost one hundred percent hit.

Step three: hysterical squirrels

After the publication of these two books, things went haywire. First, the followers of the "successful coach" began to release their "works", over and over again including the story about the "warship". In parallel, almost every newspaper on both sides of the Atlantic at least once included this joke in their repertoire.

Who said "boyan"? Not "boyan", but a classic!

Naturally, while an abstract lighthouse and a ship appeared there, no one believed in the bike. How to give it credibility? Hmm... Why not give the ship a name and place the participants in, say,... Canada?

By that time, battleships were no longer the most formidable weapon on the seas (not counting the Missouri, where Commander Casey Ryback served), but aircraft carriers were just right for this role.

In the 1995 version, the Coral Sea aircraft carrier appeared, which ... since 1990 has been waiting for disposal, and physically could not scare anyone.

This was also superimposed by the rapid development of the Internet in the early 90s and rare humorous sites on which this joke was still duplicated. Every now and again. Again and again.

At some point, even the US Navy’s nerves could not stand it, whose press service, cursing through gritted teeth, published an official refutation in 1997: they say, this is all a JOKE of humor. Joke, you know???

And in general, the Coral Sea aircraft carrier and the Missouri battleship appearing in the joke are decommissioned and laid up, but the Nimitz still sails the seas - but this was not the case with him! Never! And in general, with no one was, understand ?!

“Ah, well, okay,” the public said and quickly replaced the name of the aircraft carrier with “Abraham Lincoln”, which was commissioned in ... 1989, which means that it could have been featured in the bike for a long time.

What the press service of the US Navy said is unknown. And thank God.

Step Four: Catharsis

The legend will never be allowed to go into oblivion (well, at least as long as US aircraft carrier formations surf the oceans).

The exhortations of the Coast Guard, which, with hopelessness in its voice, is forced to remind that for a very long time, all operating beacons have been radio-equipped (when approaching, you will hear a coded signal that clearly identifies the beacon), and only an idiot will confuse the light of a searchlight with side lights, to nothing lead.

This fake is posted again and again on the network, and interest in it is fueled by new books “how to achieve success”, lectures by famous politicians or performances by popular showmen on television. We admit - even the famous humorist Mikhail Zadornov represented this legend (with the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln and the Spanish lighthouse) as real case. Who is not without sin?

In general, citizens - do not believe everything that is slipped to you on the net. "Indisputable evidence of idiocy" that you are asked to distribute, in fact, may turn out to be a fabricated fake. But even Comrade Lenin said that: “The main problem with quotes on the Internet is that people immediately believe in their authenticity” and he wouldn't lie.

Is not it?

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In RuNet, you can easily find a translation, which in most cases looks something like this:

Really registered conversation between Spaniards and Americans on the frequency "Extreme situations at sea" of navigation channel 106 in the Strait of Finisterra (Galicia). October 16, 1997
Spaniards (static in the background): ...says A-853. Please turn 15 degrees south to avoid collision with us. You're heading straight for us, 25 nautical miles.
Americans (Background static) ...we advise you to turn 15 degrees north to avoid us.
Spaniards: The answer is no. Repeat, turn 15 degrees south to avoid collision.
Americans (another voice): The captain of the ship of the United States of America is speaking to you. Turn 15 degrees north to avoid collision.
Spaniards: We do not consider your proposal to be either feasible or adequate, we advise you to turn 15 degrees to the south so as not to crash into us.
Americans (raised voices): This is Captain Richard James Howard, commander of the USS Lincoln of the United States Navy, the second largest warship in the US Navy. We are escorted by six cruisers, six destroyers, four submarines and numerous auxiliary ships. I do not advise, I order you to change course 15 degrees not north. Otherwise, we will be forced to take the necessary measures to ensure the safety of our ship. Please get out of our course immediately!!!
Spaniards: Juan Manuel Salas Alcantara is talking to you. There are two of us. We have a dog with us, dinner, two bottles of beer and a canary that is sleeping now. We are supported by the radio station "Cadena Dial de La Coruna" and channel 106 "Extreme situations at sea". We are not going to turn anywhere, given that we are on land and are the A-853 lighthouse of the Finisterra Strait of the Galician coast of Spain. We have not the slightest idea what place we occupy in terms of size among the Spanish lighthouses. You can take all the fucking measures you deem necessary and do whatever you want to keep your fucking ship safe from shattering on the rocks. So once again, we urge you to do the most sensible thing: change your course 15 degrees south to avoid collision.
Americans: Ok, okay, thanks.

The above English text (and, accordingly, the translation) is a fake, because the commander of an American aircraft carrier will never call his ship "airplane carrier". Aircraft carrier - aircraft carrier. And the commander will not tell on the radio to the whole ocean the composition of his aircraft carrier multipurpose group, where it is going and why. Even with the aim of crushing the lone boat impudently pushing at her with authority. Incidentally, everyone is equal before the COLREGs in the scope that these Rules define. And besides, I personally do not know where such a Strait of Finisterre is located. There is Cape Finisterre, yeah, and there is the famous Fisterra lighthouse on it, but you need to be a complete idiot to shove the whole squadron ashore from west to east. Change of course by 15 degrees (at least to the north, at least to the south) will not change anything. You're 100% drunk. And if you go past, to the north or south, then nothing will be shouted at you from the lighthouse. You swim - well, swim. And yes, not the 106th channel, but the 16th. The question of where did this multi-purpose aircraft carrier ship grouping come from and where did it go, we will leave it rhetorically to the authors of the fake.
However, we search and find:

Radio conversation between the US Navy ship and North-West of Spain.
sp. A-853 speaking. Please divert your course 15 degrees to South, to avoid collision... You ard coming directly to us. Distance: 25 nautical miles.
US. We recommend you to divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid collision.
sp. negative. We repeat, please, divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.
US. The captain of this US Navy ship speaking. We insist, you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid collision.
sp. We do not consider it feasible or convenient. We suggest you to divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.
US. Captain[peep!] in charge of the aircraft carrier[peep!] of the US Navy, the second largest of the US fleet. We are escorted by two battleships, six destroyers, five cruisers, four submarines and other support ships. We are heading to Persian Gulf waters for military maneuvers, to offensive command in Iraq. I don't suggest you - I command you, to divert your course 15 degrees North or we will be forced to take the necessary measures to encore the safety of this ship and it's coalition force. You are an allied country, member of the NATO and this coalition. Please obey immediately and stay away from our course.
sp. Juan Manuel Salas Alcantara speaking. We are two people. We are escorted by our dog, our food, two beers and a bird, which is now sleeping. The radio station "La Coruna" supports us, and the Channel 16 for Maritime Emergency. We are heading nowhere, since we are speaking from mainland. We are in the Lighthouse A-853 Finisterre, on the coast of Galisia (Spain). We have no fucking idea about our spot in the Spanish lighthouse ranking. Feel free to do as you fucking wish, and take the necessary measures to ensure your ship's safety which is going to kick the shit out of it against the rocks. So that's why again we insist and suggest that, the best, the most healthy and recommendable is that you divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.
US. OK, got it, thank you.

However, if someone really doesn’t care to do anything, then at the request of "A-853" our ffs will give out more than one option English text, and these options, due to their differences, cannot be a transcript of specific radio communications.
Furthermore:

Version canadienne anglophone (1995):
Believe it or not... this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. your call.

version canadienne francophone (1996):
L "histoire suivante est véridique (affaires maritimes canadiennes, Octobre 1995): transcription d" une communication radio entre un bateau de l "US Navy et les autorités canadiennes au large de Newfoundland.
Americas: Veuillez vous dérouter de 15 degrés Nord pour éviter une collision. A vous.
Canadiens: Veuillez plutôt vous dérouter de 15 degrés Sud pour éviter une collision. A vous.
Américains: Ici le capitaine d "un navire des forces navales américaines. Je répète: Veuillez modifier votre course. A vous.
Canadiens: Non, veuillez dérouter, je vous prie. A vous.
Américains: ICI C "EST LE PORTE-AVIONS USS LINCOLN, LE SECOND NAVIRE EN IMPORTANCE DE LA FLOTTE NAVALE DES ETATS-UNIS D" AMERIQUE. NOUS SOMMES ACCOMPAGNES PAR 3 DESTROYERS, 3 CROISEURS ET UN NOMBRE IMPORTANT DE NAVIRES D "ESCORTE. JE VOUS DEMANDE DE DEVIER DE VOTRE ROUTE DE 15 DEGRES NORD OU DES MESURES CONTRAIGNANTES VONT ETRE PRISES POUR ASSURER LA SECURITE DE NOT A NAVIRE.
Canadiens: Ici, c "est un phare. A vous.
Americains:

And here is Spain again:

Version espagnole (in circulation):
CONVERSATION REELLE CAPTEE SUR LE CANAL 106 FREQUENCE DES SECOURS MARITIMES DE LA COTE DU FINISTERE (GALLICE), ENTRE DES GALLICIENS ET DES NORD-AMERICAINS. October 16, 1997
Galiciens (bruit de fond): Ici le A-853, merci de bien vouloir dévier votre trajectoire de 15 degrés au sud pour éviter d "entrer en collision avec nous. Vous arrivez directement sur nous à une distance de 25 milles nautiques.
Américains (bruit de fond): Nous vous recommandons de dévier vous-même votre trajectoire de 15 degrés nord pour éviter la collision.
Galicians: Negatif! Nous repétons: déviez votre trajectoire de 15 degrés sud pour éviter la collision.
Américains (une voix différente de la precédente): Ici le capitaine! Le capitaine d "un navire des États-Unis d" Amérique. Nous insistons, déviez votre trajectoire de 15 degrés nord pour éviter la collision.
Galicians: Negatif! Nous ne pensons pas que cette alternative puisse convenir, nous vous suggérons donc de dévier votre trajectoire de 15 degrés sud pour éviter la collision.
Américains (voix irritée): Ici le capitaine Richard James Howard, au commandement du porte-avions USS LINCOLN, de la marine nationale des Etats-Unis d "Amérique, le second plus gros navire de guerre de la flotte américaine! Nous sommes escortés par deux cuirassiers, 6 destroyers, 5 croiseurs, 4 sous-marins et de nombreuses embarcations d "appui. Nous nous dirigeons vers les eaux du Golfe Persique pour préparer les manoeuvres militaires en prévision d "une éventuelle offensive Iraqienne. Nous ne vous suggérons pas, nous vous ordonnons, de dévier votre route de 15 degrés nord! Dans le cas contraire nous nous verrions obligés de prendre les mesures qui s "imposent pour garantir la sécurité de cette flotte et de la force de cette coalition. Vous appartenez à un pays allié, membre de l "OTAN et de cette coalition, s" il vous plait, obéissez immédiatement et sortez de notre trajectoire.
Galiciens: C "est Juan Manuel Salas Alcántara qui vous parle, nous sommes deux personnes, nous sommes escortés par notre chien, par notre bouffe, deux bières et un canari qui est actuellement en train de dormir. Nous avons l" appui de la radio de la Corogne et du canal 106 "urgences maritimes". Nous ne nous dirigeons nulle part, dans la mesure où nous vous parlons depuis la terre ferme. Nous sommes dans le phare A-853, au Finistère de la côte de Galice. Nous n "avons pas la moindre putain d" idee de la position que nous occupons au classement des phares espagnols. Vous pouvez prendre toutes les mesures que vous considérez opportunes car nous vous laissons le putain de soin de garantir la sécurité de votre flotte de merde qui va se ramasser la gueule contre les rochers! C "est pour cela que nous insistons à nouveau et vous rappelons que le mieux à faire, le plus logique et le plus raisonnable serait que déviiez votre trajectoire de 15 degrés sud pour éviter de nous rentrer dedans!
Americas: Bien reçu, merci...

This is from here (however, it is easily searched for in all sorts of tyrnets), and the author refers to a joke from 1965:

Version originale (1965):
The fog was very thick, and the Chief Officer of the tramp steamer was peering over the side of the bridge. Suddenly, to his intense surprise, he saw a man leaning over a rail, only a few yards away.
"You're a fool!" he roared. "Where the devil do you think your ship"s going? Don"t you know I"ve the right of way?"
Out of the glow came a sardonic voice:
"This ain" t no blinkin "ship, guv" nor. This "ere" s a light "ouse!"

In Russian:

There was a thick fog, and the chief officer of the pleasure steamer looked around from the captain's bridge. Suddenly, to his infinite surprise, he saw a man leaning on a railing.-just a few yards.
- You crazy bastard! the captain roared.- Where the hell do you think your ship is headed? Don't you know that you have to let me through?
Sardonic voice in reply:
- It's not a ship, chief. It's a lighthouse!
At first, I also laughed at this story and also thought that it was so. And today it hit me: what is the Strait of Finisterre? Finisterre is a CAPE actually. I remember this from the sixth grade ... there is no smell of any straits there. So, IMHO - FAKE. But the fake is funny, yeah =)))

UPD. And I also thought: by the time of this cheerful radio dialogue, one of the four multi-purpose submarines accompanying the aircraft carrier should have already been ready to enter Spain underwater with a bang and applause. Because, according to the accepted tactical rules, one boat goes 5-10 miles ahead of the AMG. And not four of them, but one or two ... I'm not talking about six (!) Cruisers or (in another version) two battleships (!) As part of a group. However, we will assume that the commander of the aircraft carrier puffed out his cheeks :) There was no aircraft carrier, there was no radio dialogue. Have a nice day, everyone! =)

Many of you have probably read the story of an American aircraft carrier that unknowingly tried to intimidate the "captain" of the lighthouse into getting out of its way.

This story is fiction, and there are several irrefutable proofs of that.

One of them is a transcript of a conversation between an American warship and a Canadian lighthouse off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. This entry was made public by the Chief of Naval Operations on October 10, 1995.

Americans: Please change your course 15 degrees north to avoid collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I repeat, change YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I repeat, change YOUR course.

Americans: This is the USS Abraham Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Navy. We are escorted by three squadron destroyers, three cruisers and many auxiliary vessels. I request that you change YOUR course 15 degrees north. One to five degrees north. Otherwise, we will be forced to take the necessary measures to ensure the safety of our ship.”

Canadians: The lighthouse is talking to you. Accept.

The legend of the stubborn and self-important captain of an aircraft carrier, who received a well-deserved retribution from a straightforward lighthouse, appeared on the Internet in early 1996. Those who distributed it, it can also be found on my blog site, referred to a transcript of a conversation between the captain of the ship and the lighthouse workers, which was released by the chief of naval operations in 1995.

It is not true. The US Navy says nothing of the sort has happened. Moreover, this bike appeared in 1992 in a collection of jokes and fables. More interestingly, it was included in Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (1989). The author took it from the publication of the US Naval Institute called "Proceedings" (translated from English. "reports", "incidents") from 1987.

However, it appeared much earlier than expected. The following is an excerpt from the 1939 book:

The fog was very thick. The chief mate of the steamer stared into the distance. Suddenly, to his great surprise, just a few meters away, he saw a man leaning over the railing.

"You damn fool! he shouted. “Why the hell is your ship sailing so close to ours?” Don't you know that I have a right of passage?"

“Uncle, this is not a damn ship, but a lighthouse!”

In 1931, the Canadian newspaper The Drumheller Review published a cartoon depicting two men arguing over loudspeakers (The Humorist of London was credited as the source). ), England). One of them stood on the bridge of the ship, the other - on top of the lighthouse. The following dialogue took place between them:

Skipper: Where are you going with your damn ship?

Lighthouse Man: It's not a goddamn ship, it's a lighthouse!

All of the above is similar versions the same story about a lesson that a person with an exaggerated sense of self-importance received. Representatives of the US Navy have repeatedly debunked this myth. Their official website even has an entire webpage dedicated to this legend.

The explanations of the United States Navy on this matter were published in one of the American newspapers in 1996:

The source of this story, which US Navy officials swear to be untrue, is unknown. This joke appeared at least ten years ago, and maybe more - thirty or forty. Some believe that she first appeared in a humorous column in one of the most popular American magazines "Reader's Digest". No one knows for sure.

In the last four months, the story of the ship that couldn't miss the lighthouse has been passed around like gospel by comedy talk show hosts, lazy newspaper columnists, and ignorant jokers of cyberspace; in the end, it began to be considered unreliable. It has become strongly associated with the skills and knowledge of the US Navy. Like the ghostly Captain Coleridge from The Tale of the Old Mariner, the Navy is desperate to get this albatross off its neck.

Most recently, the story was repeated by The New York Times, citing a Canadian newspaper. It was then read to a huge audience by Michael Feldman during the popular radio program Do You Know? on Public Radio International. A little earlier, she was told by the leading radio show "Car Talk".

In the modern version of the story, the aircraft carrier is called "Enterprise". Previously, it was a simple nameless battleship. The version that was provided via email by the US Air Force Academy identified it as the USS Missouri. Such a ship does not really exist. The Missouri is a former battleship that has long been decommissioned.

Each of the existing versions has been slightly embellished. An avid radio listener claimed on the Internet that the story took place in Puget Bay. A reviewer from the Montreal Gazette said it happened last fall off the coast of Newfoundland. A colleague from North Carolina quoted a local resident as saying that the incident occurred outside of South and North Carolina.

“This is clearly not a true story, but in the past four months we have received more than twelve calls from various media who wanted us to confirm or deny its authenticity,” said Commander Kevin Wensing, the representative of the Atlantic Fleet in Norfolk. “Unfortunately, not all media check it out and just print it as it is.”

“The first time I heard this story was a very long time ago, about ten years ago, I guess. It is very old,” continued Kevin Wensing, “and probably originated in the days of the galleons or when a huge lighthouse was built in Alexandria (Egypt).”

When all these stories about the aircraft carrier "Enterprise" first began to appear, the Navy was forced to follow the procedures and check them out.

“Yes, we spoke to the crew members of the Enterprise,” Wensing said. “We told them about this story and stated that we consider it a misunderstanding ... Their reaction was the following: “What? Are you joking?"".

For the record, on October 10th - or any other time - Admiral Mike Burda, Chief of Naval Operations, did not make any statements about such recordings. Commander John Karman, the admiral's spokesman, says: "This is a joke. Good old joke. She was born thirty or forty years ago.”

Among other inaccuracies, perhaps the most egregious is that all the lighthouses on the coast of the United States have long been empty. According to Lieutenant Ed Westfall, the last one was automated ten years ago.

Westfall says that he has also heard this story many times, but he has his own vision of its origin.

“I always thought,” he said, “that someone from the Coast Guard came up with it in order to mock the US Navy.”

In March 2008, Mike McConnell, head of US National Intelligence, began his presentation at the annual symposium at Johns Hopkins University with the story of the stubborn lighthouse, stating: “Yes… It's true. I was once connected with radio intelligence, eavesdropping on people and the like. The recording took place. This is true".

Therefore, dear readers, never believe loud statements, most likely they are made in order to distract you from something more important. The more news noise, the less we concentrate on the essence, on what is really worthy of attention.

Alexander Zhvakin aka Admincheg website

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