Lack of communication: effective methods and techniques to compensate for the lack of communication. A person who lacks solitude Lack of attention or fear of new things

Today, when life is not easy for most actors, and even the great masters of the stage remain unclaimed, new names suddenly pop up, mainly thanks to television. It happened to you too. And although you have been working at the Lenkom Theater for a long time, fate turned out to be favorable to you only now. Why?
- I came to Lenkom after the Shchukin school for three performances at once: "Juno" and "Avos", "The Star and Death of Joaquin Murietta" and "Cruel Intentions". But a year later I was drafted into the army, and when I returned, I was out of work. I didn’t have time to jump into the last carriage of the cinema (I started filming very late, in 1989), and then the “fun” events began in the country - the transition to a market economy, and the theater reacted to this instantly - all creative experiments where you could try yourself , have stopped. Therefore, from 1991 to 1993, all I did was dance in crowd scenes, nothing else shone for me. If at that time Andrei Zhitinkin's non-repertory performance "The Blind Man's Blind Man" had not come out, I would have left the profession.
- It turns out that Zhitinkin saved you?
- No, my idiotic stubbornness rescued me, although for some time I rushed about and was even going to become a journalist - somehow I had to exist ... After all, when the salary received in the theater disperses in four days and you are shaking that you can be taken to the police as a bum without a Moscow residence permit, then here you can climb the wall ...
- So, unbearable life circumstances made you spin around, look for work on the side?
- Certainly. At the same time, I have always been a searching person and have never sat idle. In the same Shchukin Theater School from morning till night he was engaged in acting, went to all lectures, seminars. In a word, it was formed with terrible force.
- Was it connected with the complex of a provincial who wants to prove to Muscovites that he is no worse than them, and even better in some ways, more educated?
- Don't think. My parents, who also worked in the theater, gave me a really good education. I graduated from a music school, we have an excellent library at home, and the social circle was very interesting, after all, the Omsk Drama Theater is not the last in Russia. From the provincial I have left only sincerity, openness, I have not forgotten how to be surprised.
- Let me know, why are you surprised?
- Human optionality and lack of professional skills in any business. At the same time, I am surprised when people work efficiently without thinking about money.
- Where did you see this now?
- In the film company "Cinema-Phantom", where the guys earn money on the side, so that later they can shoot their films on them, without thinking whether they will bring them some kind of income or not. Only truly free people who do not have complexes about the lack of material wealth and comfort can behave this way.
- How do you feel about comfort?
- You see, depending on what you mean by comfort. If I am used to smoking expensive tobacco, then I try to save money on something else, but not deny myself this pleasure. And fragrant smoke does not irritate those around, which means that they also do not experience discomfort. Having become a legal Muscovite after 17 years of living in the capital and having received an apartment from the theater, I can say that this is also comfortable.
- And now they are busy with renovation?
- First of all, it was important for me that the taps did not flow in the apartment, the bathroom worked and the light was on ... Furniture would also not hurt, but I'm not such a rich person to buy cheap things ... And then, when it's not blowing, you can sleep on the floor...
- Is your wife of the same opinion?
- I don't have one at the moment.
- How do you deal with loneliness?
- I would say this: I miss him. The fact is that my public profession is psychologically very exhausting. All the time you have to be in sight, communicate with different people, constantly keep the "muzzle of the face."
- But it seemed to me that you like to be in the spotlight and you have a certain excitement of the player, because it was not for nothing that Mark Zakharov gave you the role of a French adventurer in the play "The Barbarian and the Heretic" ... Or am I mistaken?
- Of course, I love extreme situations and love to take risks. It’s much more interesting for me to enter a new role in a day than to go to rehearsals for a year and a half and procrastinate the same thing. I also like to work simultaneously in four places: Lenkom, Tabakerka, on television and in an enterprise ...
- Doesn't it offend you that, having worked for so many years in Lenkom, you do not play the central characters, although at the same time you were awarded the theater awards named after Innokenty Smoktunovsky and the special prize "The Seagull" for the role of Nozdrev in "Mystification"?
- It does not bother me, because I am not going to finish my creative biography, by the age of 50 I hope to play until old age. In addition, if the artist is doing great in his youth, then there is a danger in the future to lose control over himself, to overestimate his capabilities. Well, if at the beginning of the journey you go through serious trials and at the same time hold the blows of fate, then maybe something will come of you. Besides, I am a very superstitious person;
- Are you just as reverent about the advertising in which you are now taking part? Or is it just a source of additional income?
- I will not pretend: of course, advertising makes life more or less tolerable, but at the same time I draw some professional lessons from it. For example, the ability to energetically and clearly convey the desired text to the audience within 20 seconds. I can’t say that I am omnivorous and agree to any job, I have to give up a lot for the sake of the theater.
- But if you have so many offers now, then why do you continue to stick to Lenko and don't go, say, to the Tabakerka?
- I am not Oleg Pavlovich's man, not his student.
- Is it only his students who work for him? ..
- That's not the point. We have excellent creative relations with him, and he lives approximately the same principle as I do: he acts in films a lot, including commercials, plays in two theaters. At the same time, he combines several high positions. And yet, "Snuffbox" is not my home, and in Lenkom even the walls help. In addition, Mark Anatolyevich knows how to work with artists like no other. Although after the release of "Mystification" I knew that over the next two years I would not get a single new role, because Zakharov would take other artists in the performances. Such is his policy.
- Is there something from Nozdrev in your character?
- I will say this: if in my life I met a person like Nozdryov, I would in no case begin to communicate with him. Here Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol helped me a lot, forcing me to put on the "skin" of an adventurer.
- Do you often re-read Gogol and other Russian classics?
- Not now. I mainly read books published by the Foreign Literature Publishing House in the Illuminator series.
-Why?
- I need to know how modern foreign authors write in order to understand how secondary I am in my writing in relation to them.
- This is something new... Explain.
- The fact is that now I am finishing my second book after Minor Changes, in which, in addition to poems, three stories, there is also fantasy story about one artist.
- That is about you?
- No, rather, this is a collective image, since all artists do not live their own life, but fictional, other people's images.
- And therefore they are good psychologists ...
- Maybe. First of all, I trust my own intuition. It's hard to explain in words, but I think I feel good about people.
- Including women?
- Well, this is a special conversation. Women in our country turned out to be more adapted to life's changes than men, and therefore they quickly make a career and drag not only their husband and children on their hump, but, perhaps, the whole of Russia.
- How do you feel about a strong woman?
- Sincerely, if she remains a woman.
- You are not annoyed by women's stupidity?
- Annoys. Tell me, please, how can you communicate with a stupid lady? Well, you’ll admire her charms for an hour or two, and then you need to talk ... Not only after THIS, but sometimes before ... I don’t mean only high intelligence and erudition, but wisdom as such, which does not depend on the profession at all . Your friend can be an actress, or maybe just work in the subway, that's not the point.
- Would you like your wife to be an actress?
- If we begin to help each other in our common cause, then why not? Well, if she only takes care of herself, remaining indifferent to my problems, I think such a "trade union" will not strengthen family ties.
- And you will not become jealous of other men on the stage, with whom she will hug, kiss?
- Not at all, because I myself know the true price of kisses on stage. This is just a game. And marriage is a continuous chain of compromises, and here you need to be able to adapt to each other, unless, of course, your wife is cheating on you. I do not discover any America here, but loyalty and devotion are the key to family happiness.
- Did you understand this thanks to your parents, who, as I know, were called the most faithful theatrical couple in Omsk?
- I am already 35 years old, and I still, like a little Serezhenka, idolize my mother - the leading actress of the Omsk Theater Valeria Prokop, I always remember my deceased father - Nozheri Chonishvili, whose name is in the city of the Actor's House. This is probably why I also treat older artists with special trepidation, who have a lot to learn from.
When I worked with Yevgeny Leonov in the performances "Memorial Prayer" and "Optimistic Tragedy", I never ceased to be surprised by his modesty, ability to listen and hear any person. And only when he died, we all realized that a huge human talent lived next to us. Our profession is very vain, dependent and careless, but sometimes you want to stop and think seriously, what did you do so outstanding that people will remember you for a long time? So I run, run, without stopping, but I haven’t really done anything big yet ...
- And what are your immediate plans for the future, in addition to the book that you are preparing for publication?
- I want to make a film based on my own script. But this requires a team of altruistic artists and 700 thousand dollars. I think that my friends and I will find money for this picture somewhere, but it is difficult to predict what the artistic result will be. And yet, I believe that even now, even without money, you can do interesting things that warm your soul. The main thing is to save yourself and not change your calling.

A person is by nature emotional and social, and therefore it is quite normal that we want attention and care, praise and approval from others and, especially, close people.

However, for some individuals, the desire to earn approval turns into a kind of cult, the most important goal in life. They study, work, build relationships based solely on what others think of them, how their work will be appreciated by someone and “what people will say”. Needless to say, such an approach can seriously harm, because here the thirst for attention and praise goes beyond the usual, and becoming a goal, interferes with a healthy attitude towards criticism, interaction with others, building a life.

Is Lack of Attention a False or Real Problem?

Most acutely a person needs attention at the age of 3-5 years. It is during this period that adults not only provide food and warmth, but also fulfill many other whims of the child. Yes, the little man can manipulate. This is normal for child psychology: the child does not yet know how he can get what he wants. However, it is strange to see a teenager who continues to beg for sweets or toys from his mother in the supermarket, gradually moving from “buy please” to hysterical “give”. This is exactly what happens with neurotics - they try in every possible way to “catch” a share of attention, but if this fails, then they do not shy away from provocation or manipulation.

It seems to a person that he lacks attention, no one appreciates him. He deeply experiences this state of uselessness. However, in fact, he is in a kind of shell, created by himself.

Lack of attention or fear of something new?

A person can deny everything, arguing that he just lacks attention. He even piously believes in his uselessness. In fact, he himself is closed to everything new, and in particular he is strongly offended by any criticism, disapproval, or even a hint of condemnation. Both approval and praise become indicators, indicators of the correctness of the person's personality itself. Otherwise, if someone criticizes a neurotic, he gets a similar response.

Obviously, the syndrome of lack of attention echoes the fear of learning new things. A person can actively and enthusiastically study theory, but he will never get to practice, because practice is where we often get bumps, have to face difficulties and problems in communicating with other people who are not always loyal to us. In this situation, neurotics are afraid of reality, it is easiest for them, avoiding criticism and disagreement. The craving for attention and praise can turn into a serious problem that will require a visit to a psychologist, as it will increasingly grow into a wall in the path of a healthy relationship.

Is it possible to live with attention deficit disorder?

Of course, but the quality of life is reduced, because people do not know how to be alone with themselves, without the need to feed their significance and importance. They cannot evaluate their work without external evaluation. Will not start a new relationship until they hear approval from friends or parents. They will not agree to an interesting proposal until they get acquainted with the opinion of the public. Thus, the true attitude to what is happening is eclipsed by the imposed one. And this will certainly result in neurosis, it is not clear where the anxiety and dissatisfaction with life come from.

What to do if there is not enough attention?

If it seems to you that others are indifferent to you and do not appreciate what you do, think about the possible reasons for this. It is very easy for a neurotic to be around those who do not offend him, do not provoke him and encourage him in every possible way. However, the constant craving for attention and praise is not a normal need for an adult. A mature man or a mature woman is called upon not only to receive, but also to give attention to those who need it: their children, elderly parents, work colleagues, friends. It is impossible to change a neurotic if he does not want it himself. And until he sees the problem, any attempts to prove that the excessive thirst for attention and praise interferes with life not only for him, but also for those around him will be useless. For any changes in life, a person must be open to the new, and not hide behind the wall of his own beliefs.

Attention Deficit Syndrome or how you are being manipulated

Neurotics who lack recognition, gratitude, and praise are usually pleasant, courteous conversationalists. It is easy to communicate with them, they are polite and have good manners. Especially on the first contact.

However, the purpose of their association is not always to receive joy. They use the interlocutor to stir up interest in their personality, to manipulate and receive another dose of praise and admiration. Of course, this is not complete without fables, fictional stories and far-fetched details. It is not uncommon among representatives of these types of people to be so-called, whose goal is to achieve attention and praise from the interlocutor by any means.

When a person lacks attention, he begins to wage a guerrilla war

If for some period of time a neurotic does not receive respect and recognition of his own importance, then he begins to be upset, angry, offended, to experience a feeling of his own uselessness, a feeling that he is neglected.

In such cases, a person can either decide to open up to something new and stop being dependent on another dose of praise, or.

An attention-deficit person will bill you sooner or later. It is especially unpleasant to realize if years have been lived with such a person, there is joint property and even children.

What to do if there is not enough attention: recognition of the problem

1. Be honest with yourself about things that are difficult for others to talk about.

   It can be difficult to realize that you are using manipulation to get attention. But if your emotional swings move like pendulums: up and down, then you almost certainly have psychological problems. Perhaps you also noticed that you cannot enjoy a simple life, a life without upheavals, emotional upheavals, scandals and violent activity. IN healthy relationships with people you lack “zest”, in work - tasks quickly get bored, you get annoyed if.

2. Another risk factor is the attraction of inadequate personalities into your life.

   People with a disordered psyche, as if by smell, find those who need increased attention and emotional instability. Destructive personalities can get in your way much more often than adequate people with mature judgments about life. Look at your surroundings, ask yourself if all the people around you are beneficial or at least not harmful to you.

The choice is yours. Sooner or later, others will get tired of being manipulated by a neurotic. In such a situation, even relatives can turn away, because people feel pressure from your side in any case, and even the most persistent refuse to live in an oppressive atmosphere over time. So don't procrastinate - learn to live ordinary life, starting from their own attitude to what is happening. Try to set completely new goals, independent of what you have in life now. The constant thirst for attention and praise harms, first of all, you.

Oleg Menshikov, wittingly or unwittingly, revived one of the main media brands of the nineties with the name of his program. But we see the return to the media space of one of the best TV shows as a much more serious (and conscious) comeback. new Russia-programs of Konstantin Ernst "Matador". It is clear that Konstantin Lvovich could return to the air of Channel One, but the appearance of "Matador" on YouTube would still be much more nice gesture. And just imagine what his new releases could be like! Ernst in a horned helmet talks about the filming of Viking, talks with Tarantino about Charles Manson, discusses the hunt for drug lord El Chapo with Sean Penn, or is transported through the waves of his memory during the filming of the social advertising "This is my country."

Nikolay Drozdov. "Kids about animals"

The departure of Nikolai Nikolayevich from In the Animal World may well become an outlet for a new audience. Drozdov has been giving regular lectures at the Moscow "Ryumochnaya in Zyuzino" for some time now, collecting constant full houses, which means that the ground is already ready. The topics for his show are a dime a dozen - from a memoir about Soviet television to visits to his eminent friends and fans with a revision of relationships with pets.

Alexander Rosenbaum. "GOP stop"

Rosenbaum's talent as a master of stand-up is generally greatly underestimated, although everyone knows that Alexander Yakovlevich is able to keep impressive halls all over the country alone for a week. Launching your own show can not only open up an artist from a new side, but also become an occasion for actualization in the eyes of a new generation of listeners. Topics are the widest - from rock and roll to boxing. Everyone knows that Rosenbaum is still in great shape.

Grigory Leps. "Slumdog Millionaire"

Leps has something to tell - as a person who has come a long way from performing romances in Sochi restaurants to nationwide recognition and participation in Channel One primetime shows. Actually, Grigory Viktorovich may well begin his broadcasts with a master class on overcoming difficulties on his own path, and continue with conversations with people who have gone through a similar path. The most resonant in the future seems to be an issue that sheds light on one of the most mysterious stories of Russian show business - the rise to fame of Stas Mikhailov - who, by the way, is also from Sochi.

Alexander Gradsky. "This is the voice"

No one will (more precisely, will not want to) argue with the authority of Alexander Borisovich. His aplomb is strongly created for a regular solo channel - even the role of a soloist in a quartet (as in "The Voice") is too small for him. And one can only remotely imagine how he can turn around. In particular, I would like to see a series of programs where Gradsky teaches contemporary Russian stars to sing. Just imagine how Alexander Borisovich is trying to force Oksimiron to take the upper “la”.

Viktor Pelevin. "Aifak"

One of the main advantages of the YouTube format is the absence of this very format as such. It is this freedom that makes Internet shows so compelling for creators and viewers alike. And it is she who can become the reason for the devirtualization of the main mystifier of the latest Russian literature. However, the studio in Pelevin's program may well be plunged into pitch darkness, and Chapaev, Pavel I and, of course, Peter Void will certainly appear among the interlocutors.

Yuri Shevchuk. "The Lord Respects Us"

The leader of "DDT" is a good talker (the last interview with Dudya is another confirmation of this). It seems to us that he greatly lacks periodic solo releases in the format of "The Shepherd's Words" - such a moral and ethical stand-up with elements of buffoonery and Bashkir devilry would turn out. It will go with a bang.

Anatoly Chubais. “Chubais is to blame for everything”

One of the main ideologists of those very reforms and in the past the country's chief power engineer, perhaps, has long been accustomed to the fact that the whole of Russia considers him the main culprit of all his troubles, and the phrase put in the name of a potential YouTube channel should have been monetized for a long time. Anatoly Borisovich could talk about how to do things in an atmosphere of general hatred, and in general, finally tell about how everything really was then.

Pavel Durov. "Resistance"

The founder of VKontakte and the creator of the Telegram messenger has not appeared in the public field anywhere except his own Instagram for a long time. Fans of the Russian Zuckerberg get information about his movements from sources such as Nastya Rybka's live broadcasts, so his own show on the Internet would be a serious step for him to win even more fans. Another thing is that it is unlikely to be released on YouTube. Rather, Pavel will create his own video service or will suddenly go live directly on Telegram using a new algorithm. Well, the topics of his programs will most likely be technologies of resistance to restrictions on freedoms. The first guest, perhaps, would like to see the artist Banksy - especially since he and Durov seem to both live in London.

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The IQ of Albert Einstein is 170, Stephen Hawking is 160, Ashton Kutcher is 160, Natalie Portman is 140. It seems that the smartest people don't have too many problems and are truly happy. But, as it turned out, happiness is a rare companion in the life of extraordinary smart people, and here's why.

website likes to understand issues that haunt many people. Especially for you, we have found the reasons that prevent a smart person from feeling lonely, unhappy and lost.

10. They analyze everything all the time.

Smart people know exactly what they want. Often they look at the world idealistically, and it is difficult for them to deviate from their expectations. This prevents them from getting satisfaction from life and feeling happy, and the reality of the world around them often causes only disappointment.

Everyone wants understanding in intimate relationships. But it is very difficult for smart people to speak openly with an interlocutor: they are often not understood. They want to talk about important and significant events, and rarely do they meet with unanimity. According to scientists, often socialization by people with high IQ is experienced even more painfully than loneliness.

Try to reconsider your surroundings: get rid of the company of people who pull you to the "bottom" or internally devastate. Find ways to make new acquaintances with the people you aspire to be around. Appreciate loved ones who sincerely love you - this is The best way get rid of the feeling of unhappiness, says psychologist David G. Myers.

7. Many smart people suffer from psychological problems.

Many scientific work confirm that intellectuals often suffer from mental disorders. Scientists have not identified a direct relationship, but the fact remains. The habit of constant analysis leads to frequent reflections on life, death and the meaning of existence. All this in most cases ends in depression.

Help others more often, even strangers. Studies have shown that people who support others feel inner harmony much more often than those who ignore other people's problems. In addition, this is an excellent occasion to distract from constant thoughts and gloomy thoughts.

6. They strive to live up to the expectations of others.

The academic success of such people in the future drags with it all the high expectations of others. Such a load often turns out to be an unbearable burden, especially for gifted children who lose their childhood early.

Excessive focus on ourselves, worry about how we look in the eyes of others prevent us from living and enjoying ourselves. Try to treat study and work as a game: get fully involved in the process and try not to get hung up on the result, advises the famous psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi .

5. They rarely make rational decisions.

As research has shown, intellectuals make mistakes just as often in life as everyone else. “People with IQs above average commit irrational acts, are more prone to delusions and rely on intuition,” the authors say.

Scholar Igor Grosman of the University of Waterloo suggests talking about your problems in the third person (changing "he" or "she" to "I") in order to emotionally distance yourself, reduce bias, and find wiser solutions.

Writer Paul Hudson breaks stereotypes to the nines and puts everything on the shelves about "missing" someone!

Are people capable of being bored at all? Or do we simply lack memories of certain people? Perhaps we miss the feelings we experienced while being close to a particular person? Let's try to deal with this issue together.

You may think that missing someone and missing the memory of someone are the same thing, but in reality, this is far from the case. To be honest, we are almost incapable of loving someone for who they really are. Yes, and miss this particular person, perhaps, too.

In fact, we love and appreciate people not as they are, but as we are able to imagine them - which, in turn, depends on how well we know them. And although such an explanation cannot reassure us, it nevertheless gives food for thought to our mind: “why are our emotions, and especially the feeling of love, sometimes so changeable”?

People necessarily have their own conclusions after interacting with other people. It's in our nature and it's unlikely we'll ever be able to change it. And by drawing conclusions about another person, we thereby create in our mind a set of ideas about this person. And as our relationship with him develops, we gradually adjust these ideas at the right time for us.

However, sometimes it happens that in specific life circumstances our ideas about this person have little in common with reality - and this often leads to the fact that, having achieved the attention of the object of our love, we soon grow cold towards him.

We stop loving the person whom we thought we knew inside and out, precisely because we are faced with reality, and not with our fantasy, and this is far from the same thing. People pass information about other people through the prism of their perception - that is why memories of a particular person can give us a distorted picture of him. And by “reviving” these memories, we introduce additional deformation into them. Humans are very, very complex individuals.

Sometimes our memories of a person capture him as he really is - or at least as he once was. But at heart we are all incorrigible romantics.

We prefer to remember the feelings that we experience in the presence of this or that person, instead of remembering the events themselves.

We focus our attention on strong (and usually pleasant) emotions, allowing them to cloud our memory of that person.

But it also happens that we do not deceive ourselves at all. Sometimes we really have every reason to miss someone. Unfortunately, the opposite is just as likely. It is very possible that what you are missing is not a specific person, but the ideal image of this person in your mind. This person could practically wipe their feet on you, but after a couple of years, you will remember only good things. This is the protective function of our memory.

You miss a close person, and this is quite understandable. People don't like being alone. Yes, some of us do it better than others, but only out of necessity, not out of necessity. own will. There are no people who choose loneliness voluntarily - unless, of course, they are mentally normal.

Yes, we all like to be alone from time to time - but only from time to time. Sooner or later, we become too sad and lonely, and we begin to look for at least someone with whom we could share our life. It's natural and you shouldn't be ashamed of it. But what is worth being ashamed of is the longing for the people who treated us in a completely inappropriate way. Yes, on special occasions (like birthdays) they could be incredibly nice to us, but these special occasions were actually not so many. Because otherwise they would not have to be called “special cases”, right?!

So, if you're yearning for someone who constantly hurt you because they didn't care about you, take a deep breath, take a step back, and try to look at things realistically, without leaving any resentment or fantasy in your soul, but only specific facts. You simply cannot afford to humbly endure all the antics of people who use you and treat you worse than you deserve. You just can't, that's all.

You miss this person only when you are alone. But there is actually a very easy way to see the difference between true love and everything else that we mistake for love. And, if people think that they are missing someone from the past, then most likely they are sad or lonely and nothing more, therefore let's not complicate our lives and look for new reasons for joy!?!

In those moments when we want to lean on someone, but there is no one around, we inevitably look into our past. But this is not love. This is a convulsive grasping at straws in an attempt to stay on the roof. When we enter a black streak in our life, we do not want to be alone - because if someone is next to us, it will be much easier to endure adversity. We are all human, and therefore we tend to strive to simplify our lives. But this is not true love. It's the loneliness that gets on our nerves. It is it that twists our imagination to the maximum, feeding our memories with false feelings, for the most part consisting of a fairly edited reality.

If you only miss someone when the days are dark in your life, don't be fooled. In fact, you don't need this person at all. But on the other hand, if thoughts about him do not leave you even in the happiest moments - well, congratulations, this person is really worth missing. If at this moment, looking at yourself from the outside, you, first of all, think “Oh, now, if I could share this moment with this person” ... well, then there can be no doubt - you really love him. After all, you don’t even miss the person himself. You miss yourself - the way you were in the company of this person.

When we look back and remember those we once loved, the things we shared together, and the memories we shared… we are actually remembering ourselves. The way we were when we were together.

People are extremely egocentric. Such is our nature. And since we can’t do anything about it, it’s worth accepting it - if only for the purpose of better understanding ourselves. We do not remember the person we once loved because it is simply impossible. After all, we never deal directly with the people around us. We interact with our ideas about these people. And these ideas are extremely changeable. We are quite capable, climbing into the bowels of our own memory, to change how we perceive the people around us, as well as the feelings we have for them.

But be that as it may, the fact remains that those things and people that we consider the most important are precisely those things and people that have had the greatest impact on us and our lives. But this is exactly what most people forget: We do not remember the people themselves, but how they influenced us. Yes, we remember their actions that caused certain emotions, but in fact, we are almost always interested in the result (those same emotions), and not what caused it.

So it turns out that we do not even miss the person himself, but for the reality in which we were due to his presence. We miss how we felt and who we were when we were with these people. And not just like that - after all, those "we" that we miss were much better than us now, because now we are lonely, but before it was not.

Of course, this may just be a nostalgia kick-in, but whatever it is, this is exactly the reality we live in, whether we like it or not. People are indeed capable of loving the same person “until death do them part.” We are able to yearn for him, and we are quite capable of understanding what we lost when we parted. Yes, that's just not all people, which we yearn for are really such.

Much more often we waste our time, energy and emotions on people who do not deserve our attention. Learn to distinguish real longing for a person without whom life is not sweet for you, from nostalgia for the old days - and your life will certainly change for the better.