inputHow to tell a person without offending him. Communication secrets
It is believed that it is psychologically much more comfortable for a person to agree than to refuse. Indeed, many have great difficulty in saying “No,” even if objectively they had all the moral and legal rights to refuse. We suggest that you do not ignore the right to negative answers and give several advice, how to learn to refuse and do not worry about it.
Why is it important to be able to say no
Feelings of guilt and awkwardness, anger on yourself and the one who addressed you, lost time, money and so on, doing someone else's work, decision other people's problems etc. - these are just some of the consequences that those who do not know how to refuse correctly face. Plus to that thwarted plans, problems with friends or family memberswho are "exchanged" for the next request, constant stress, lack of time and other "joys of life", up to serious psychological problems ... And all because of the difficulty of saying no.
To this we add the fact that many manipulators know perfectly well (on a conscious or subconscious level) who from their environment cannot refuse, and begin to actively use it... In this way, some begin to work for two, regularly sit with other people's children, or take on a permanent basis to solve other people's problems. But even if you are lucky and there are no manipulators in your environment (or they could not adapt you to solve their goals), the ability to refuse a request or something like that will certainly come in handy.
Of course, we do not suggest saying no to everyone at all (especially before the question was voiced). We just want to help you learn to refuse and not feel bad about it... Therefore, in this article we do not offer you universal "excuses" for all occasions: the focus of our attention is not excuses, but the very process of how best to refuse so as not to offend anyone and not to experience internal torment.
Why and who we don't like to refuse
Before moving on to practical advice on how to properly refuse people, let's think about why we find it difficult at all? In relation to different individuals, different reasons come into play, but the most typical ones can be distinguished. As with many other questions, 
knowledge of the reason is necessary in order to choose the correct strategy of action in the future.
Such people like to feel needed and useful, they like the feeling that they are needed. And here, as in the case of universal adoration, among other things, it is important to work with the root cause of such a state.One of the main tips: overcome fear of rejection and the resulting feeling of guilt. This is especially true if the problem is caused by internal settings and / or if you are dealing with manipulators. Having said “No” once, you will see that the world has not turned upside down, but take on unnecessary tasks, problems, etc. you didn't have to. For some people, such "experiments" on refusals after a series of endless agreements give a feeling of freedom, a feeling that they themselves control their own destiny, etc. Perhaps you will like this experience so much that all the moral torment that could be associated with this event will disappear by itself.
Choose the right way to communicate
Of course, for most people it is more difficult to refuse in person than over the phone, and verbally is more difficult than in writing. Remember this and especially at first choose the most convenient way for you (most likely, these will be electronic means of communication). Transfer to it even those who address you through another "channel". For example, if a distant friend calls you with a request that seems completely inappropriate to you, tell him that you need to check your calendar, work plan, discuss it with your significant other, etc. And after a while, write your refusal - for example, by SMS, by mail, via social networks, etc. This will, among other things, help you reduce the heat of bad emotions (both on your part and on his part) and, probably, not let yourself be persuaded (more below).
Choose a response form
Sometimes the best rejection is just say no (a more detailed version - “No, I can't”, “No, it won't work like that,” etc.), without giving any explanation... This is especially true when you are dealing with manipulators (colleagues who have already hung their tasks on you or shameless relatives whom everyone owes). If they will 
insist on an answer, do not give a specific reason, but answer as vaguely as possible: “I don’t have such an opportunity”, “I have already said that I cannot do this”, “It absolutely does not suit me”. Repeat the same answer (for example, “No, I cannot”) until they leave you alone.
Short answers don't give you an opportunity to break your excuses and show that, in fact, you can do everything. Plus, you won't appear to be making excuses (we'll talk more about this below). Another advantage: short answers will help you shorten the conversation, which means the chance that the other person will force you to do what he needs.
Of course, this advice is completely inappropriate if you are thinking of how to tactfully refuse a friend, spouse or other close person - in short, someone who is really dear to you. In this case, it is necessary to give the reason. And here we move on to the next point.
Don't make excuses
In most cases, if you say no to someone, an explanation will be expected from you. Here is very it is important to state the reason, but not make excuses... In theory, most understand the difference between these terms, but how to distinguish one from the other in practice? It seems that the main thing is not so much in the specific occasion that you give, but in how you present the information.
As you work on your ability to refuse, check out our article on Developing Emotional and Social Intelligence. For those with high EQ and SQ levels, it is much easier to communicate and understand people's emotions.
In particular, do not give out too many details and do not overwhelm the person with unnecessary information, do not apologize too much, do not throw out several reasons at once, do not demonstrate feelings of guilt (both verbally and non-verbally), etc. Be calm (at least outwardly) and self-confident. Imagine that you are just talking about the weather outside the window - give the facts, but do not put yourself in the position of guilty or submissive.
Excuses are bad, firstly, because they are poorly perceived by others: if you show yourself actually guilty, then they will perceive you in the same way. Secondly, excuses can affect your inner feelings of guilt - if you talk about yourself as if you are guilty, then most likely you will think too. Thus, even within the framework of an internal dialogue, do not justify yourself, but indicate the reasons.
Suggest options
If we are talking about people who are really dear to you, then it is logical to accompany the refusal not only with an indication of the reason, but also proposing an alternative... This, firstly, will demonstrate to colleagues / friends / relatives that, in principle, you want to help them and are ready to meet them, but the request they offer does not really suit you. Secondly, it can help you relieve the guilt or embarrassment of rejection.
You will see that you are not leaving the person to their own devices and that they will be able to solve their problem in one way or another. Among other things, this advice will help to cut off those who are not aimed at finding compromises or options that are more convenient for you, but simply want to shift their worries onto your shoulders.
Stand firm on your
If you decide to refuse, don't let yourself be persuaded... If you feel that you are almost ready to say "Okay, persuaded" or "Okay ...", then the best thing is either interrupt communication, or start giving the shortest possible answers, 
what we talked about above. This rule is especially true if you are dealing with manipulators, annoying coworkers, insolent relatives, etc. If you change your mind, for those around you it will be another evidence that you will definitely agree to everything, just push harder on you.
The same advice is relevant if you are "lucky" to run into a person who does not know how to accept rejections. For some, this trait is so pronounced that they seem to "turn off" when they hear the word "no", and the conversation actually begins to go in a circle. In this case, we offer you just end the conversation... Yes, the last word will remain with your interlocutor, but by that time you will have time to clearly express your position on this issue. Remember: he who has ears, let him hear.
Consent as refusal
An interesting and practical option, how to beautifully say no in response to an inappropriate request, - agree. And at the same time, be sure to set your own conditions - possibly those that will turn your consent into an actual refusal. For example, if you are asked to take hack, set very high prices or extended deadlines. If your friends ask you to come to the other end of the city to water the flowers, tell them that you will have time to do this only if you take a taxi, and ask if your friends are ready to pay for it (money in advance!).
If a coworker asks you to take on his project, tell him to arrange with your boss to remove the current task from you. If the boss himself became the source of problems, say that you will take on a new task, but then you will definitely not have time for this and that, and let the manager himself decide what task you will eventually take on. If you are regularly asked to go out on weekends, in response to another such request, say that you will, but then on Monday you will have to take time off.
In all these cases, it is very important speak calmly and firmly, without giving an ultimatum or making excuses... Moreover, if your counterpart agrees to the proposed conditions, it is understood that you, in turn, will have to do what you agreed to. Therefore, try to think in advance about what to ask for.
Remain calm [at least outwardly]
Calmness (at least external) is a very important quality for those who want to comprehend the art of delicate refusals. 
First, calmness will be a testament to your self-confidence. Secondly, sometimes excessive emotionality can lead to conflicts and resentment. It turns out, for example, as follows. Suppose you are asked to sit with your child. Thinking that the refusal will lead to a quarrel and proceedings, you initially answer with a challenge (although no one has reproached you for anything). As a result, your friend receives a verbal "slap in the face" for a quite calm request. Most likely, this is what will become the reason for his resentment, and not at all that you do not want to sit with the child.
And of course, keeping the outer calm increases the chances that you will soon achieve calmness and inner peace. And by this we mean that you will quickly begin to say no, without really experiencing moral torment.
Don't forget to think about yourself
The problem of many who cannot refuse is that they very often think about others and too little about themselves. In itself, of course, it is beautiful, humane, noble, etc. However, this only becomes harmful to you if you are dealing with someone who cares only about themselves and does not think about you at all. In such cases but you have no one to take care of you. 
When dealing with such people, it is important to put your own interests, plans, goals, etc., first.
When refusing someone, remind yourself that in fact, you owe nothing to anyone... In other words, you can help a person if you see fit, or you may not help - especially if you understand that in fact you are simply being used because you do not know how to refuse.
Once again, we repeat that we do not call for absolute selfishness or for saying no to everyone. We only call for you to take a balanced approach to incoming requests and proposals and agreed because you really want and can help, and not because you cannot refuse.
What you shouldn't be afraid of when refusing people
In the last part of the article, we decided to summarize some aspects of the two most common fears associated with saying no to other people. It's about grievances and missed opportunities. Why are they really not as scary as they might seem?
Do not be afraid of resentment
This principle applies to almost all groups to whom you want to say no. Of course, different approaches will work for different people. So, the grievances of insolent relatives who have already gotten you are not equal to the grievances of people you really care about. In general, here we can offer the following rationalistic model: if you have an adequate person in front of you who needs your help, he will not be offended by a motivated refusal and the proposal of an alternative option (or a joint search for it). 
Of course, he can show negative emotions (excitement, annoyance, etc.), however, most likely, it will not be about resentment or conflicts. Again, with an adequate person, problems can be solved.
If they are offended at you even because of a trifle, then, probably, the matter is in one of two options: 1) it's not about rejection per se; 2) in front of you one of the "problem" personality types: manipulator, not quite adequate person, too narcissistic person, etc. In the first case, it is logical to deal with the root cause (but not right now, but when both of you move away from emotions a little). In the second, the most rational option would be to correlate the actual necessity / importance of what you are asked for and the inconvenience it will cause you. In such situations, it is helpful to remember that for most manipulators and inadequate people the concept of gratitude is alien, but they very easily sit on the neck of others... Therefore, think how terrible this offense is for you? Maybe because of her, in fact, it will only become easier for you, since this person will stop pestering you?
Don't be afraid to miss opportunities
As we said, sometimes we cannot refuse a boss or, for example, a colleague, because we believe that later it will come back to haunt us, or because of this we will miss some opportunities. Of course, such an option cannot be ruled out, but it is useful to remember the other side of this problem. Often, those who always agree to everything are perceived worse than those who can firmly and correctly refuse. The fact is that, getting used to getting your consent, colleagues and management will take it for granted and absolutely for granted. Your endless willingness to meet halfway will not be perceived as your merit and is unlikely to bring any dividends.
The psychological side of the issue is also important. People who agree to everything are often seen as insecure, low self-esteem, sucky, or work-dependent 
(materially or morally). This opinion develops even when none of the above actually applies to the employee. As a result, instead of writing an additional bonus or promoting such an employee, they start to use it more and more. Although, of course, this is only the most common scenario for the development of events, and not the rule. Just keep this principle in mind as you plan to work off the next weekend for free.
The ability to say no to an inappropriate request from a colleague or boss (or to agree but ask for compensation) is more likely to benefit you than endless agreements. Then at least it won't turn out that you sacrificed everything for the sake of the company, and she bypassed you at every opportunity.
Of course, if you have already earned the fame of a person who is always ready for anything, refuse colleagues gradually - At first, gently ask for compensation or offer compromises, give consent, but on your own terms. Otherwise, it is likely that your refusals will be considered whims and cause too vivid displeasure. When your colleagues get used to the changes in your behavior, your “No” will be perceived as quite normal.
There are many people in the world who are called trouble-free. You can turn to them at any time of the day for help, and they will never refuse. Many attribute this property of their character to the merits of a person, because it is beneficial to always “have at hand” such a “fail-safe” in order to throw some of their problems onto him.
However, rarely does anyone take the trouble to think: maybe a person simply cannot refuse?
People who cannot say “no” often do not have enough time for their own affairs and personal life, although as gratitude for their reliability, they can at best count on a dubious compliment.
Trouble-free people always, like a magnet, attract people who actively use their inability to refuse. We can say that the executioner is looking for a victim, and the victim is an executioner. And even if the “bezotkaznik” suddenly rebelled and gave up the role of a lifesaver, he would be immediately accused of double selfishness and heartlessness.
There are golden words that everyone should remember: “To live the way you want yourself is not selfishness. Selfishness is when others have to think and live the way you want. "
Why are people afraid to say no?
People who fulfill other people's requests against their will often have a soft and indecisive character. In their hearts they really want to say "no", but they are so afraid of embarrassing or offending another person with a refusal that they force themselves to do something that they do not like at all.
Many people in the future regret that they once wanted to, but could not say no.
Often people, refusing, pronounce the word "no" as if they feel guilty about something - it seems to them that some unpleasant reaction will follow. Indeed, many are not used to being denied, and “no” causes a negative reaction in them - they are rude, break off relations, etc.
Some people don't say "no" for fear of becoming unnecessary and alone.
How to refuse politely?
By saying no, we often make enemies for ourselves. However, it is worth remembering that it is more important for us - to offend someone with a refusal or to take upon ourselves the fulfillment of obligations that weigh us down. Moreover, it is not at all necessary to refuse in a rude manner. For example, the same diplomats try not to say "yes" or "no", replacing them with the words "Let's discuss this."
When saying no, it is worth remembering that:
this word can protect against problems;
can mean "yes" if pronounced uncertainly;
successful people are more likely to say no than yes;
by denying what we cannot or do not want to do, we will feel like a winner.
There are a few simple polite refusals that show that everyone can do the job.
1. Outright refusal
Some people believe that when they refuse something, it is necessary to name the reason for the refusal. This is a misconception. First, the explanations will look like excuses, and the excuses will give the person asking hope that you can change your mind. Secondly, it is not always possible to name the real reason for the refusal. If you invent it, in the future the lie can be exposed and put both in an awkward position. In addition, a person who speaks insincerely often gives himself away with facial expressions and voice.
Therefore, it is better not to fantasize, but simply to say “no” without adding anything else. You can soften the refusal by saying: “No, I cannot do this,” “I don’t want to do this,” “I don’t have time for this.”
If a person ignores these words and continues to insist, you can use the "spoiled plate" method, repeating the same refusal words after each tirade. Don't interrupt the speaker with objections and ask questions - just say no.
This method is suitable for rejecting people who are aggressive and overly persistent.
2. Compassionate rejection
This technique is suitable for refusing people who tend to achieve their own requests, causing pity and sympathy. In this case, it is worth showing them that you empathize, but that you cannot help.
For example, "I am very sorry for you, but I can not help you." Or "I see that it is not easy for you, but I cannot solve your problem."
3. Reasonable refusal
This is a rather polite refusal and can be used in any setting - formal or informal. It is suitable both for refusal to older people, and for refusal to people who occupy a higher position in the career ladder.
This refusal assumes that you name the real reason why you cannot fulfill the request: "I cannot do this, because tomorrow I am going to the theater with the child", etc.
It will be even more convincing if you name not one reason, but three. This technique is called failure for three reasons. The main thing in its application is the brevity of the formulations, so that the asking person quickly grasps the essence.
4. Delayed failure
This method can be used by people for whom it is a psychological drama to refuse someone a request, and they almost automatically agree to any request. People of this kind often doubt their righteousness and tend to endlessly analyze their actions.
A delayed refusal allows you to think about the situation, and if necessary, seek advice from friends. Its essence is not to say "no" right away, but to ask for time to make a decision. Thus, you can insure yourself against rash steps.
Reasonable refusal may look like this: “I cannot answer now because I do not remember my plans for the weekend. Perhaps I arranged to meet with someone. I need to look at my weekly to clarify. " Or “I need to consult at home”, “I need to think. I'll tell you later, ”etc.
You can refuse in this way to people who are assertive and do not tolerate objections.
5. Compromise denial
Such a refusal can be called a half refusal, because we want to help a person, but not completely, but partially, and not on his terms, which seem unreal to us, but on our own. In this case, it is necessary to clearly define the conditions of assistance - what and when we can and what we cannot.
For example, "I can take your child to school with mine, but just let him be assembled by eight." Or "I can help you with your renovations, but only on Saturdays."
If such conditions do not suit the asking person, then we have the right to refuse with a calm soul.
6. Diplomatic refusal
It presupposes a mutual search for an acceptable solution. We refuse to do what we do not want or cannot, but together with the person asking us we are looking for a solution to the problem.
For example, "I cannot help you, but I have a friend who deals with these issues." Or "Perhaps I can help you in another way?"
In response to examples of different refusal techniques, one might argue that it is necessary to help people and that by refusing others, we ourselves risk being in a difficult situation where we will have nothing to count on someone else's help. Note that we are talking only about the requests of people who are accustomed to "playing with one goal", believe that everyone is obliged to them and abuse the reliability of other people.
What are the reasons why we often cannot refuse a person? Why is it important to learn to say no? How to do this without offending the interlocutor and without feeling guilty? If you want to know the answers to all these questions, then this article is for you! HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON.
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What type of people are you? HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
Sometimes it seems that all people can be divided into two groups - those who can clearly, politely and confidently say “no” in any uncomfortable situation and those who, doubting the correctness, always agree to the requests of colleagues, friends, neighbors, etc. relatives.
The first group of people, as a rule, are more confident in themselves, more clearly express their point of view, emerge victorious from verbal battles. About the second group we can say that they cannot defend their opinion, are less confident, but they always come to the rescue, help out, lend money, work overtime, walk with someone's dog or sit with someone else's child, etc.
They console themselves with the thought: "Who if not me?" or "And what are friends for then?" They are embarrassed, uncomfortable, ashamed to refuse or even silently shake their heads negatively. HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
Why can't we refuse? HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
Why are people so afraid to say no, even if they do not have free time, energy and desire? The main reason is fear. The most different and a large number of them:
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- fear of appearing rude, impolite,
- fear of losing friendship
- fear that you will also be refused,
- fear of conflict
- fear of feeling guilty.
We are afraid of losing a good attitude towards ourselves, we are afraid of loneliness. As a rule, such a person thinks: “If I refuse to help, my friends, relatives and colleagues will turn away from me.
I will be alone. When I need help, no one will help. ” Most psychologists agree that all these fears come from childhood. In most cases, strict parents punished the child for bad behavior, deprived him of love, praise, and affection.
In such a family, the child unquestioningly listened to the conditions of his mother (or father), without having his own opinion, and tried with all his might to earn approval or praise. Punishing or scolding a child for any offense, parents formed in him the fear of losing love, becoming "bad".
Over time, such a child grows into a person dependent on the opinions of others, a person who tries to please and please everyone. HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
We used to think that refusal is rude and impolite. And we want to live in harmony, where everyone is happy, happy and satisfied with communication. And subconsciously, the desire to please prevails over the mind.
We think: "If people turn to me for help, if I am in demand, then they love me." But this is far from the case. More often than not, we are unaware of when we are being manipulated.
And instead of doing what we like, we hurt ourselves. Our inner feelings fade into the background, and we become dependent on external approval.
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It often happens that by agreeing to help, we are afraid to miss the opportunity. These situations, as a rule, happen at work, when, taking on additional burden, we hope for a raise, increase in salary or that we will be noticed.
And, of course, we agree out of fear of being fired. HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
Why is it important to learn to say no? HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
- People around them consider reliable people to be weak, since they cannot firmly and clearly refuse a given situation. Accordingly, you should not rely on more love, respect or trust for you if you help everyone.
- Having learned to refuse, you will immediately have more free time, which you can happily devote to yourself or your loved ones.
- Your strength and energy will not be wasted in an unnecessary direction.
- If the inability to say “no” created you mental discomfort, was the cause of stress, apathy or depression, then learning to refuse, you will feel happier, calmer.
- You will become more self-confident and your self-esteem will increase if you know you are not being used.
- You will feel freer from the opinions of others and from selfish people who like to "sit on the neck" of reliable friends.
Do you think it is difficult to learn how to correctly and politely refuse? Do you think that you are doomed to be led and deceived for life? Not at all! You need to put in a little strength, patience, perseverance and translate our advice into practice.
And you will immediately notice how stronger, more confident and happier you will feel. Someone armed with the advice they received in order not to allow themselves to be used.
Someone understands how to talk with an annoying neighbor or a cunning colleague who is trying to find benefits in everything. Or maybe you yourself will become a manipulator over time? In any case, this is your personal business.
10 ways to refuse correctly.
- First, you must rethink all childhood fears for yourself and understand that it is impossible to please everyone and be always good. You cannot constantly live someone else's life, give all of yourself for the sake of someone, even if that someone is your family or a friend. You are in conflict with yourself, infringe on and deprive yourself of pleasant moments, regret the wasted time and energy. You are betraying yourself! Sacrifice yourself in the name of another person. Remember, you always have a choice and you have the right to always say a firm "no".
- Secondly, it is important to understand that you will not become better for someone, even if you constantly agree to all requests to your detriment. People around you will not love you anymore. Asking you for something, the manipulator uses selfish interest, and friendship and love are sincere feelings.
- Take note and remember the many benefits of a free, promise-free person. And every time you hear a request in your address, think about yourself first. This will add confidence to your conversation with your opponent.
- After hearing the request, do not make unnecessary promises, such as: "I will try (try)" or "I will think." These phrases place the burden of responsibility on you for what is said, and for the applicant it means agreement. And he will wait for the completed task.
- Calmly, confidently and friendly, looking into the person's eyes, say: “No, today I cannot stay at work / I cannot sit with your child / I cannot lend you money because….”. It is important to say this phrase without a shadow of a doubt, otherwise you will continue to be persuaded. And you don't need it.
- Don't apologize for your refusal. Subconsciously, a person begins to apologize when he feels guilty. But we found out that this is not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for if you have completely different plans.
- Make a commitment to yourself to always be honest with yourself and with others. When refusing a person's request, it is important to honestly state the reason for the refusal. “Today I have completely different plans / I don’t have enough experience in this matter / I’m not interested.”
- If you can offer an alternative solution to the problem, help with advice, express sympathy.
- If the interlocutor continues to insist, beg, beg, you need to listen to him again and repeat the reasons for the refusal without irritation and rage.
- Finally, learn to ask for help yourself. As a rule, people who do not know how to say "no" cannot ask for anything themselves. They get used to shoulder everything and carry the load for themselves and for "that guy." HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON
We do not urge you to become heartless and callous egoists and deny everything and everything. Do what your heart tells you. Be honest with yourself.
Find harmony and balance in your life. And in order to live in harmony with yourself and your principles, you need to understand what you feel at the moment: a desire to sincerely help or irritation towards the interlocutor?
Of course, helping others is important and necessary, since we live in a society. After all, people who really need help sometimes make a request. Good luck to you!
What are the reasons why we often cannot refuse a person? Why is it important to learn to say no? How to do this without offending the interlocutor and without feeling guilty? If you want to know the answers to all these questions, then this article is for you! HOW IT IS CORRECT TO REFUSE A PERSON.
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Do you need to learn to say no? Sure! This skill should be developed until you feel free and confident. Many people feel uncomfortable when they imagine they need to say no. But in fact, this is not difficult if you realize how foolish it is to spend your own life on the whims of others.
Can you learn to refuse?
Of course you can. This is a feasible task for any person. But for a rejection to sound unshakable, you need to speak firmly and confidently. Then there will be no awkwardness and feelings of guilt, you can refuse without offending.
Our whole life is communication. People interact with each other, support and help. But sometimes a situation arises when the only correct way out is to refuse the request. This is where the problems begin. How to refuse correctly? Is it necessary to refuse at all or is it worth putting other people's interests above your own? How to get rid of the feeling that you did not lend a helping hand? There are many reasons for concern.
Why are we afraid to say no?
External reasons are different, but the root of the problem lies in the fact that a person has an internal imbalance, because he had to refuse help. This conflict negatively affects the emotional state and causes moral discomfort. First of all, you need to realize that you are not the epicenter of why your friend found himself in a difficult situation. It is not your fault that he needs help.
To prevent the refusal from bringing internal disharmony, you need to determine the motivation for which you do not want to fulfill the request, and assess how objective it is. This is the first step to victory. The next step will be to study the methods and tricks of how to politely refuse the interlocutor and not offend him.
If a person is unfamiliar
How to refuse? In this case, you shouldn't worry at all. Just say no if you are uncomfortable asking. To reduce the risk that further relationships will be severed, it is worthwhile to clearly and clearly state the reasons for your refusal. Strong arguments are the best way to maintain a friendly relationship. For example, "I cannot do you a favor because I am busy at work." If the person continues to insist, there is no need to make excuses, just repeat the firm "no" again.
Good afternoon dear friends!
Has it ever happened that you agreed in cases where you would gladly say “no! "? Why do we put the desire to satisfy someone else's request above our comfort and personal time? How to refuse correctly is the topic of my article today.
If you master the tactics polite refusal, then you can find spiritual harmony and a sense of correct time planning.
Falling into a trap standing promises, it is difficult for a person to stop. If we take an example from the organization of labor, then I think you have come across the use of a voluntary beginning and its transformation into a duty.
Failsafe specimen associated with spineless personality and is qualitatively used by all and sundry without reproaches of conscience. How else? After all, a person allows voluntarily manipulate oneself .
Of course, I'm not talking about mutual assistance or friendly assistance is a healthy aspect of a normal relationship. I'm talking about a person who allowed myself to be usedignoring personal principles and interests.
The mastery of saying “no” requires practice, skills and a desire to change the usual attitude towards yourself and others.
The main reasons for the difficulty of refusal
1. Family and relationships
The hardest thing to say is "no" in family relationships and amorous matters. Fear of offending a loved oneSeeing rude or uninterested motivates us to agree to do errands.
Sometimes, even the very realization that we put our priorities above others makes us experience unreasonable guilt.
2. The prospect of losing opportunities
Sometimes a person independently comes up with a reason to adhere to this or that illusion. He thinks that when he says no, then for sure will lose existing benefits or connection with an individual... But is it really so?
An illustration of this fear is inherent in teamwork. For example, an employee is offered to transfer to another department or practically feel career growth, but in a different position. And if he categorically does not want to, then most likely he will do it for a reason fear of being out of work and leave about yourself bad opinionrather than defend their decision and position.
3. Pathological kindness
Yes, you read that correctly. There are people in the world who are constantly pursued by the desire to help, even if they are not asked to do so.
Such an "ideal worker" or friend, always ready solve other people's problems, carry out assignments, counting on a response, praise and emphasizing their importance.
Kindness of heart and soul in our time is considered a gift, especially if it disinterested and free... But how to say “no” competently so as not to offend anyone? More on this later.
4. Fear of loneliness
Agreeing against our will and joining the majority opinion is dangerous. Wanting to enlist support and feel connected to a group of people, in order not to seem like a black sheep, obliges to distortion of one's own opinion and submission.
Fear of losing a friend, but on the other hand, to remain with your opinion in an embrace, obliges a person to bite his tongue or agree with the silent fulfillment of a request, just not to be left alone.
5. Fear of conflict situations
Have you had experience with " difficult people "? When you clearly understand that easier to agree and weigh "yes" rather than prove and give reasons for refusal.
Strange, but we are afraid that when we formulate the phrase "I'm sorry, but no", the opponent will get angry and start to conflict.
How to fight?
Before describing methods of dealing with the problem, I want to discuss appropriate variation of failures.
First, trouble-free people are considered weak and sitting on their necks, they go where they need it, not you. I don’t think that this option suits you, since you are already reading this article.
Second, skill weigh the pros and cons, before announcing a verdict or decision - quite a sensible ability.
Third, when making a refusal, you need to break the habit of expecting a negative reaction. After all, what such terrible thing can happen if you are really uncomfortable with fulfilling the request?
Honesty in front of yourself and people, allows you to be open, as well as sincere in relation to peace and desire be a harmonious person .
So, how do you learn to refuse politely and with dignity?
Method 1. Appropriate time to request
It so happens that a person, bursting into your life with an unrealistic request, completely forgets that you did not wait for this for an eternity, but were busy with your routine affairs.
In this case, I advise you to correctly hint that at this time you are overwhelmed with work... It's perfectly normal for a friend, colleague, or acquaintance to see you are busy. He will understand that you cannot help him, not because of refusal, but because you have a very important mission that needs immediate implementation. Thus, we can conclude that opportunity to get help is, but at a convenient time for you.
Method 2. Without justifying tone
There are situations where it is inconvenient to refusebut simply necessary. And while the person stipulates the essence of the request, your brain is already frantically thinking over the text options for refusal. Sound familiar isn't it?
Work out the phrase:
I would really like to help you, but I cannot do it today.
Not always necessary explain the reasonwhy can't you do what is asked.
To stay with the man in a good relationship especially if you have to see him every day, then I strongly recommend using this particular phrase. She hints that supposedly you like the idea itself, but due to the circumstances and reasons, you will not be able to meet your opponent halfway.
Method 3. Timeout
Taking time reflect on a request, you weigh all the factors that can be decisive, especially if the essence of the request responsible... There is nothing shameful or strange about this.
Thus, you let the person know that you also have force majeure situations or personal affairs, but do not immediately chop “no, I can’t! ".
Method 4. To the wrong address
The essence of this method is imbued with a fairly clever arrangement of meaning and words. Phrase:
Sorry, but I'm afraid that you have chosen not the right person to fulfill your request.
works flawlessly if it is addressed, for example, to a colleague or friend.
Having understood the key points of the request, it often happens that the asking person really knocks on the wrong doors. Maybe he needs more qualified specialist and you warn him about it in advance.
Method 5. Emotions under lock and key
Not worth it panic after hearing a question for help. Continuous babbling, excuses and "lisping" characterize you as disorganized personexperiencing fear. If it is convenient for you to complete an assignment and feel good, you do it, if not ... You guessed it yourself, right?
Method 6. Straightness
Each of us independently builds barriers or personal relationships in which it is extremely difficult to say directly.
To the interlocutor who imposes on you the solution of his affairs, do not be fooled or circled around your nose.
He simply needs to know and understand the answer: yes or no. And the only thing they want from you is to find out your opinion regarding the request. All. You shouldn't complicate the situation and think that there are no irreplaceable people.
Dear friends, I will put an end to this.
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See you on the blog, bye-bye!