Psychological infantilism and methods of struggle. Infantilism: is it good or bad? How to get rid of the infantilism of a man

Marina Nikitina

What is infantilism and what are its causes? This is childishness in the behavior of an adult, the so-called emotional immaturity. If for children whose personality is just being formed, this is a normal trait, then for an adult it is unnatural to be infantile.

Adult infantilism

It is good when an adult is able to perceive the world as joyfully, easily, openly and with interest, as in childhood.

So who are these infantile people? This is when a person (personality) behaves like a child, when he has fun, plays, fools around, relaxes, “falls” into childhood for a while.

In a conflict or anxious situation, a person uses an unconscious return to children's behavior patterns in order to protect himself from excessive worries and experiences, to feel safe. This is a psychological defense mechanism - regression, the consequences of which are infantile behavior. After overcoming the external or the person again returns to normal behavior.

Infantile girl runs with balloons in her hands

The problem arises if infantilism is not a situational manifestation, but a delay in the development of the personality. The purpose of infantilism is to create psychological comfort. But infantilism is not a temporary protection or state, but habitual behavior. Infantilism is the preservation of behaviors corresponding to the age period of childhood in an adult. In this case, the question inevitably arises of how an adult can stop being a child and grow up emotionally.

In infantile personalities, the emotional-volitional sphere deviates in development. Man-Child does not know how to make decisions, control emotions, regulate behavior, behaves like a dependent baby.

When others say to an infantile person: “Don’t act like a child!”, They provoke advising behavior in response. The Man-Child will not ask the question: “Am I really acting like a child?”, will not listen to criticism, but will be offended or angry. Many articles have been written about how to get rid of infantilism for a woman or a man. But people with a similar temperament are not inclined to study such literature or heed the advice of loved ones, because they consider their own behavior to be the norm.

An adult, consciously or unconsciously, chooses a childish style of behavior, because it is easier to live this way.

Causes and forms of infantilism

The phrase said by a parent to a child: “Don't behave like a child!” sounds paradoxical, but this is how adults teach children to strive for independence and responsibility. Parents should urgently take action if they notice that an infantile child is growing in the house. How to help him grow up and raise a full-fledged personality, you can understand on your own, knowing the origins of the problem.

The causes of infantilism lie in the mistakes of education. Therefore, few people already ask themselves the question of how to get rid of infantilism in adulthood, considering their behavior and worldview to be the norm. The main mistakes parents make are:

overprotection, that is, the suppression of the child's initiative, when he could not take responsibility for himself and, accordingly, could not learn self-control,
lack of love and care in childhood, which the individual seeks to make up for as an adult,
early adulthood when a person does not have time to be a child,

Treating an adult like a child is also the reason for the development of infantilism in him. A person takes everything for granted, more and more confident in the correctness of his own behavior. Before you ask yourself how to deal with infantilism for a woman or a man, you need to know how and in what this character trait is manifested.

Infantilism manifests itself as follows:

Laziness. Inability to arrange life, unwillingness to serve oneself (cook food, wash things, and so on), shifting household duties to relatives.
Dependency. An infantile person may not work, live at the expense of relatives, or may go to work, but have no desire to work.

Young infantile people laugh

Egocentrism. The Man-Child believes that others are obliged to satisfy needs, to try for him, forgetting about himself, while he himself does not think about others. Such individuals are ungrateful, and the good deeds of others are perceived as proper behavior.
Passion for games and entertainment. An infantile person is drawn to fun and carelessness. Shopping, beauty salons, chasing gadgets, hen/stag parties, nightclubs, discos, entertainment centers, all kinds of games (gambling, computer, and so on).
Transferring responsibility. Decision-making, fulfillment of duties and other responsible activities, the person-Child shifts to relatives.
Disorganization of life. An infantile person has no plans, he does not set himself goals and objectives, does not know what the daily routine is, does not think about accounting for money.
Unwillingness to develop An infantile person does not see the point in development, because everything suits him anyway, he lives in the present, not analyzing past experience, not thinking about the future. Adults behave like children when they want to remain children, do not want to grow up.

How to overcome infantilism

You can be infantile only when there are close, loving and caring people nearby, on whom responsibility is shifted.

If in the relationship of two adults one person behaves like a Child, the second takes the role of his Parent. When an adult is so immersed in the role of the Child that it takes over his personality, he should turn to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Because the inner Adult is unable to overpower inner child and outside help is needed.

They get rid of infantilism, realizing it as a problem and engaging in self-education.

You need to learn to be responsible, organized, independent. However, for people who are too insecure and tense, infantilization is sometimes extremely useful. For example, in psychological support groups there are even special courses that involve creating an atmosphere of general trust, fun and emancipation. Adults are taught to be liberated, based on the behavior and character traits of children.

And also self-educate in yourself:

activity,
accuracy,
thrift,
prudence,
thoughtfulness,
and other qualities of a mature personality.

Tips on how to get rid of infantilism in adults:

Find interesting work which assumes responsibility for other people. If the work is pleasant, it is easy and pleasant for a person to take responsibility. Find serious tasks, set intractable tasks, come up with strong-willed tests.

Infantile girl blows bubbles

Get an animal. A helpless animal will become a "child" for an infantile person, he will have no other choice but to become a Parent for him. The role of the Parent involves organization, punctuality, care, responsibility, problem solving, and meeting the needs of a helpless being.
Create conditions when there is no other choice but to grow up. Living on your own, away from caregivers and parents, or moving out helps you mature quickly. Also, a person becomes an adult when he has a family and children.

Being frivolous is easy, but being able to stand up for yourself, overcome life's trials, and provide the conditions necessary for survival on your own is difficult. Being an adult can be learned through education and self-education.

March 22, 2014, 14:37

- Father Andrei, how would you define the main problem of an infantile attitude to life?

- Remember how in Russian fairy tales. The father called for three sons, gave one an iron staff, another iron boots, the third iron loaves. Go and look for your happiness in life. The plots of some Russians are based on the separation of children from their parents. Often in fairy tales, the father does this by force. He literally puts the children out of the house - to seek happiness beyond the distant lands. And he does it out of love for them. This is how a person grows up. But that's in fairy tales...

- Well, what if the child is so accustomed to guardianship that he vegetates in the parental home on the couch and is not going anywhere. Parents are afraid to give him independence. Suddenly disappear?

- The probability that a person will be lost staying in the parental home, no less. If parents are afraid to give him independence, he will remain the same child. The best thing in this situation is to take the keys from him or change the locks in the house. Of course, this is a joke, but parents can help their children grow up if they want them to develop.

- Is it possible to help a thirty-year-old man whose childhood has obviously dragged on?

There are two ways to help. The first is to create conditions for the development of this person. To create conditions means to respect him, expressing the hope that he himself will figure it out, find a way out, believe in him, recognize his right to make mistakes.

In no case do not criticize: “Well, you see what happened to you again. It's because you're a fool." Only support: “Yes, you didn’t know this, you were mistaken. But nothing, but you have acquired new knowledge and experience. I know how difficult it is for you, but you can always count on my support. Support is just a presence nearby, co-existence.

The second option is to show personal example, develop yourself, grow up. If I grow up, develop, go through crises, I render an invaluable service to those people who know me. They can bring something from my experience into their lives.

– What are the origins of maternal overprotection? How to get rid of the desire to protect your child from all problems?

- The tendency to overprotection means the infantilism of the woman herself. This means that she has hope that her husband will become a mother, and sometimes that the child will become a mother.

Do you need to learn how to dispense help?

- No, mom needs to learn to be an adult. Then the idea of ​​what is included in the sphere of personal responsibility will itself be formed.

- Infantile people are characterized by unrealistic ideas about the world?

- Infantile people are characterized by cynical or romantic ideas. Romantics deny everything bad. - everything is good.

During childhood and early adolescence, a romantic outlook on life—an idealization of oneself and the world—is normal. When a person, as a result of a meeting with reality, is convinced that everything is not as beautiful as it seemed to him, he experiences a terrible crisis of disappointment.

Then in place of romanticism comes cynicism, the other side of romanticism. Normally, this is a crisis. The teenager is cynical, nihilistic, he denies everything, all his idols fall into the dirt and he tramples them. A cynic is a disillusioned teenager, an immature person.

- Cynics are usually very convinced people, closed to ideas that do not coincide with their opinion.

- Not necessary. There are cynics who want to be reassured: "Convince me I'm wrong." But this is a childish position, because only through one's own experience can one understand and accept the real state of things.

An adult person instead of idealization and nihilism comes to realism. To grow up, you yourself need to take a step towards accepting the world as it is.

Infantilism is a special property of a person's behavior that characterizes him as an immature person, incapable of making thoughtful, balanced decisions. As a rule, such childishness and immaturity are the product of upbringing, and not a failure in the process of maturation of the brain.

An infantile person simply avoids all responsibility - nothing prevents him from "taking life by the tail and changing something in it", but there is no desire for such active actions.

Whereas, infantilism is a pathological condition that implies a delay in the psychological development of a person for some objective reason. For example, oxygen starvation of the brain during intrauterine fetal formation. The inconsistency of human behavior with age characteristics becomes especially noticeable by the time they enter school. In the future, it only progresses.

Causes

The origins of infantilism, according to experts from different countries dealing with a similar problem should be sought in the childhood years of a person. Of the many reasons they identified, here are a few of the main ones:

• parental overprotection - the child does not have the opportunity to take independent solutions and learn from his mistakes, he develops a habit of shifting responsibility to other people;
• constant lack of attention and love from close relatives - a situation where the baby is left to himself most of the time, a kind of pedagogical neglect, in adulthood such children seek to compensate for the lost sense of care;
• total control - if children are forced to account for literally every step they take, then, in contrast, they begin to express a kind of protest with their infantile behavior, they say, get what you want, I refuse to take responsibility;
• forced rapid maturation - if a child, due to life circumstances, had to face the need to make important decisions too early, then later he may seek to avoid situations where a choice is required.

Sometimes diseases become a platform for infantilism internal organs, for example, when brain cells simply do not have enough energy for full-fledged activity. Or the emerging infantilism in women due to underdevelopment of the ovaries - a deficiency in the production of sex hormones leads to a lag in the maturation of higher nervous activity.

Symptoms

Among the whole variety of symptoms that can describe the behavior of an infant, the following most characteristic signs of infantility can be distinguished:

• inability and unwillingness to make important decisions, for which you will then have to bear personal responsibility - in situations where you need to urgently solve something, such a person will try to shift the task onto the shoulders of a colleague, relative as much as possible, or let everything take its course;
• unconscious desire for dependency - infantile people can earn good money, but they are not accustomed to serving themselves in everyday life or are simply lazy, trying in every possible way to avoid everyday duties;
• extremely pronounced egocentrism and selfishness - an unfounded belief that the whole world should revolve around them, their requests should be immediately fulfilled, while they themselves will try to find a thousand excuses for their own unfulfilled obligations;
• difficulties in relationships with colleagues, partners, spouses - unwillingness to work on relationships leads to the fact that, in the end, such people remain lonely even in their own family;
• an infantile woman can have fun at some event or party, while her apartment will not be cleaned, and the refrigerator shines with empty shelves;
• frequent job changes - an infantile man justifies himself in every possible way by the fact that they find fault with him too much or force him to work, so they spend their whole lives looking for a job where they would be paid more and demanded less.

People-infants live literally like moths - one day. Often they do not have savings "in reserve". They do not strive for self-improvement, because they are sure that they are already good, everything suits them in themselves.

Types of infantilism

To complete the description of such a disorder as personality immaturity, it should be noted that it can be expressed in various forms. So, psychic infantilism is a slow maturation of a child. There is some delay in the formation of the baby's personality - in the emotional or volitional sphere. These children may show high level logical thinking. They are intellectually very developed and able to serve themselves. However, at the same time, their gaming interests always prevail over educational and cognitive ones.

Physiological infantilism is an excessively slow or disturbed bodily development, resulting in a failure in the formation of higher nervous activity. More often taken for. Only a thorough differential diagnosis by a highly professional specialist puts everything in its place. The reasons for its appearance may be infections transferred by a pregnant woman or oxygen starvation of the fetus. Signs of infantilism in such a child can be combined with the phrase “I want to show myself, but I can’t.”

Psychological infantilism - a person has a completely healthy psyche in a physiological sense, he is fully consistent in development with his age. But they deliberately choose "childish" behavior. For example, because of the transferred - as a kind of "protection" from an aggressive external reality. Then the habit of walling off and shifting responsibility for oneself to others becomes the norm of behavior.

Features in men

The bulk of the differences in the manifestation of infantilism among the sexes lies in the social views adopted in a particular society. If you look at the problem from this point of view, then infantilism in men is a sign of their failure as a protector, a “earner”. This behavior is mostly social groups condemned.

You can recognize a male infant by several characteristic features. He has very close connection with family, especially mother. At the same time, the relationship between them can even be conflicting, but they cannot do without each other for a long time.

The parent dominates in such relationships. Therefore, becoming an adult, a male infant does not take any responsibility - for himself, his family. In many situations, he behaves like a child. Infantilism in men quite often manifests itself in avoiding conflicts, the need to solve problems, avoiding reality in fictional relationships, for example, in.

But such a man is the soul of any company. He sincerely rejoices at any holiday and an occasion to have fun. He is always ready to become the organizer of the party, but only if someone else will finance it. He practically does not know how to handle money and earn it.

They can be most clearly manifested in his competition with his own children. He is sincerely offended if the wife pays less attention to him or buys more things not for him, but for the child. Scandals and quarrels in such a family will occur more often if a woman does not learn to find balance in relations with her husband and offspring.

Features in women

Society looks more favorably on infantilism in women. Often such "childishness" is even encouraged - many men are pleased to pamper their chosen one or educate her sometimes. Some husbands assert their ego in this way.

Women, on the other hand, are impressed by the role of dependents - this greatly facilitates their existence in terms of making important decisions. Shifting one's worries onto "strong male shoulders" has long been encouraged and welcomed in European society. However, the realities of our days are such that such behavior sometimes leads to a catastrophe in relations - two infants, colliding, are unable to help each other.

Sometimes they hide behind infantilism - beriberi, chronic fatigue, severe stressful situations lead to the fact that the nervous system cannot stand it. In an effort to save herself, a woman begins to move away from reality, becoming lethargic, apathetic. After the restoration of the reserves of vitamins and microelements, as well as energy, the representative of the beautiful half of humanity will again be active, bright, cheerful and life-affirming.

If the desire to have fun is the predominant trait of a woman’s character, without a desire to think about the future, to ensure her well-being and comfort on her own, we can talk about psychological infantilism. Encouraging such behavior can result in permissiveness and licentiousness, up to a violation of criminal liability. Punishment and "sobering up" is sometimes too harsh and harsh - serving time in places of deprivation of liberty.

How to get rid of infantilism?

It is quite difficult for an infantile person to realize his problems with decision-making. Few find the strength to fight and take steps to improve their lives - gaining independence. Most often, such people need the help of professional psychologists.

Positive results can be achieved more quickly if the request for help was undertaken in the early stages of the formation of a personality disorder, in the childhood years of a person's life. Group and individual trainings have proved to be excellent.

To properly organize the process of raising and becoming a child, parents can be recommended:

• consult with children more often, ask their opinion on every important life event for them;
• do not try to artificially create excessively comfortable conditions for the child - learn about all the difficulties, for example, at school, solve them together, and not shoulder the problem only on your own shoulders;
• enroll him in the sports section - this is how responsibility and purposefulness will be formed in him;
• encourage the child to communicate with peers and older people;
• avoid thinking in terms of "we" - dividing yourself and the baby into "I" and "he".

If intellectual decline was provoked by focal ischemia, then you will need qualified help from a neurologist, drug treatment.

How to get rid of infantilism for a man - such issues should be resolved by a specialist on an individual basis. Without awareness of the problem, if he himself is not ready to work on himself, all the steps taken by his parents, wife, colleagues will be ineffective.

Experts can only give recommendations on how to get rid of infantilism in adulthood - to reconsider your life priorities, try to live separately from your parents, find a job that will require decision-making, but without excessive responsibility. You can try step-by-step planning - set quite achievable goals and strive for them.

Each person is the creator of his own destiny, and without internal work on himself it is impossible to achieve the harmonious development of his personality.

Eternal children, dependent and naive, avoiding responsibility - all these are the characteristics of an infant. Infantilism is the result of the destructive. What kind of actions educate the infantile, who are the infants, how do they and those around them live? Let's figure it out.

Infantilism - personal immaturity, developmental delay, stuck in previous stages of development. An infant is called an adult or teenager with childlike features in behavior or appearance.

The infants lag behind in the development of the emotional-volitional sphere, they are not able to make serious life decisions, avoid responsibility, react childishly to difficulties (whims, tears, screams, insults).

What about the relationship between adults and children exist? First of all, the social difference in positions is recognized, which means that children are pitied, they are forgiven a lot, they are not beaten, they do not wait for constructive permission, they do not demand anything important and they do not expect much - “a child, what to take from him”. So the infant puts on this mask so that they don’t touch him, don’t offend him, don’t sort things out, defend him, give way.

Both men and women are susceptible to infantilism, but it is more common in the former. Is there among your acquaintances a "child" of 30-40 (or 20) years old, living with mom and dad, sitting on their neck? This is a real infant. Older children rarely start families, often tired parents begin to offer their child one or another option, but he is already fine: they will feed him, wash the dishes, wash and buy clothes. If the marriage can be concluded, then the role of mother falls on the shoulders of the wife. The husband plays computer, eats, sleeps, sometimes works, but family relationships plays the role of a child.

Female infantilism is more often manifested in burning life, going to clubs, karaoke, casinos. Adult girls avoid having children, marriage, housekeeping. They are supported either by parents or "sponsors".

Infant or creative person?

Infantilism is often confused with. Non-standard, spontaneous people who love everything bright, unusual, new are called infantile. However, this is far from the case. Creative personalities have infantile traits (otherwise a person would not be able to use and create so actively), but they are not infants if this does not interfere with their life and relationships.

How to distinguish a creative person from an infantile one? The first, no matter how she looks, and no matter what she is fond of, is responsible for herself and other people, independently earns a living, pays her bills on time, does not forget to eat and take care of her appearance, knows how to resolve conflicts and discuss problems. Behind pink hair, a unicorn sweater and a cartoon lover may be the most responsible and diligent person you know. And for those around him, he is the best support.

The Infanta, on the other hand, always needs someone to take care of. He does not know how to keep track of time, his own, appearance, life. The Infante is not able to speak openly about his needs (let them guess), to provide for himself. He tries to remake people and refuses to work on himself and relationships. By the way, his wardrobe and hairstyle can be the most conservative.

Signs of an infant

Recognizing an infantile person is easy, because everyone knows how children behave. Here the infant seems to be an adult, but himself:

• (there is only his opinion and wrong, only his feelings, needs and interests; the world revolves around his personality);
• playful (the game is the leading type of activity in childhood, it also remains predominant in the infant, this means not only games directly or virtual space, but also clubs, bars, entertainment, shopping);
• dependent (poorly developed in the infant, he follows the path of less resistance and life in pleasure, avoids solving problems);
• irresponsible (categorically denies responsibility for their actions and life, shifts it to others (as a rule, these people are easily found);
• insolvent (lives one day, does not think about the future, health and material well-being);
• unable to evaluate and know himself (the infant does not know how to learn from the events that have happened and accumulate experience);
• prone to dependency (inability or unwillingness to serve themselves).

Causes of infantilism

Infantilism is laid in childhood, when parents:

• forbid the child to show independence, especially during the period;
• do not trust the child, overly control and patronize;
• severely punished for disobedience (manifestation of independence), which discourages the desire to try to do something yourself;
• suppress the will, feelings and personality of the child (convince him of insolvency, criticize, compare with others in a negative way);
• do not want to recognize the growing up of the child, let go of themselves;
• force the child to realize the unfulfilled dreams and ambitions of the parents;
• they cultivate the personality of the child, indulge him, bring him up as an idol of the family (a conviction is formed in superiority over others, permissiveness).

In addition, being stuck in childhood can be a defensive reaction, a way to survive. For example, the divorce of parents or a childhood lost for another reason can provoke infantilism.

In each person, according to, live a child, an adult and a parent. In the infanta, the conflict between the parent and the child reigns, which results in children's reactions of opposition.

How to get rid

To get rid of infantilism, it is not necessary to contact a psychologist. Sometimes his help is required, but we are talking about special cases caused by severe psychological trauma. Otherwise, you can adjust the behavior yourself:

1. Learn rationality. The infantile man lives. Make it a rule not to make decisions right away. Set a time limit (for example, 5 minutes) during which you must analyze the situation.
2. Learn to understand other people's feelings. Every day, force yourself to be interested in the opinions of other people, especially in controversial situations. You do not have to take someone else's point of view, but you must be able to hear and understand it.
3. Get rid of egocentrism. You are not the only person on the planet. You do not need to sacrifice yourself, but you need to develop a sound and. All social relationships are built on mutual respect and concessions.
4. Move away from the position of “want or don’t want”, get acquainted with the terms “should” and “should”. Each person has not only desires and rights, but also duties. Ask your family what responsibilities you have.
5. Before talking about yourself, take an interest in the affairs of another person, ask if he is tired after a working day, how his day went. Infantes talk more than they listen.
6. Learn to make decisions. Not only your own life will help in this, but also the events of films or articles, world current topics. Every day, analyze some case in relation to yourself.
7. Learn to plan your day, week, month, coming years. Make a to-do list right now.
8. Learn to set immediate and distant goals, determine your capabilities and ways to achieve these goals.
9. Prioritize with far-reaching perspectives. What do you want to become? What do you need for this? What do you need to donate? Every time you're torn between want and need, make a list of gains and losses for both. What ultimately outweighs the value, then choose.
10. Provide yourself with a stable source of income, rent a house, think about buying your own house (apartment). If you live with someone, make a daily contribution: clean, cook meals, help financially, etc.
11. Ask family and friends to help you grow up: to trust, not to rush to the rescue without asking, not to make decisions for you. You need to be in order to learn to take responsibility for your life. Close people are needed for support so that the infant does not drink himself or die in another way, but you need to stop living life for him. I have a toothache? The infant must himself make an appointment with the doctor and go to the appointment. Doesn't go? So, the tooth does not hurt so much. Delayed treatment, and the tooth needs to be removed? This is an experience. The main thing is that at such moments, others should not rush with attacks (“You see what you brought yourself to again”), but support (“Yes, it turned out badly, but now you know what you need to do, and you won’t let it happen next time”) .
12. Get rid of romanticism, nihilism and cynicism. Realism is necessary for a productive life, but one can become a realist only through practice, through personal experience.

Forget old grievances, get rid of the fear of failure and criticism. Parents offended you because they themselves were deeply unhappy and. All people make mistakes. Ask people you know about their mistakes and the lessons they learned. Mistakes are very useful things. They help to develop, become smarter and more interesting.

The infantilism of a child is the fruit of the efforts of the parents. To recover, you need to separate from your mother and (or) father, and not so much physically (to move) and financially (find a job), but psychologically. Infantile people always hear the voice of a critical or protective parent in their head, even if the parent himself is not alive. As long as the inner parent persists, tension also persists, which means the desire to go into one's own world or reproduce old childish behavior patterns.

Infantilism is not only a problem for the young. It can prevent a person from creating harmonious personal relationships at any age. How to define in itself infantilism? How to get rid of infantilism? It is difficult for an extremely infantile person to ask such questions ...

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