How to raise self-esteem for a girl psychologist's advice. How to increase self-esteem for a man: practical recommendations and advice from a psychologist

Every day we see a lot of information with advice from psychologists on how to increase your own self-esteem, practical tips and NLP practices for stable training of your judgment. But what is self-esteem, where to get it from and who, first of all, to influence to improve it. It turns out that the word itself contains a simple answer to this exciting question - it is an independent criterion for evaluating one's personality. Practical introspection of one's attitude to surrounding emotions.

Neither the reaction of the people around you, nor the right actions, nor even daily praise in your address can change the established attitude towards yourself until you want to do it yourself.

The formation of worthless attitude towards oneself comes from childhood.

A high evaluation criterion, regardless of the manifestation, led to the development of anxiety in the future. Such a character trait as resentment developed from constant humiliation - this is not only physical, but also emotional pressure. Moral and verbal ridicule and lack of faith in any undertaking also leave an imprint.

Have you thought about what people think when they are around you? After a survey in one of the megacities of the country, psychologists said that people do not leave the thought of themselves and their problems. The percentage of the population that cares about your dirty shoes today or being overweight is so small that it gives a clear picture of the mindset of others.

No one wastes their time thinking about other people's problems, criticizing the appearance, because every person on Earth has his own worries and plans. If your thinking constantly swarms with a lot of thoughts about who and how thinks of you, you are a dependent person on the opinions of outsiders.

By the concept of “self-esteem” we mean our attitude towards ourselves. That is, by changing your own reaction, you change yourself and your vision of the world. There are various techniques to improve self-esteem.

There are two types of assessing a person as a person: dependent- when any events from the outside leave an imprint on your mood, and independent- despite the opinion of those who are nearby, you are confidently moving towards your goal.

Criteria that characterize dependent self-esteem:

• What matters to you is what others think of you;
• If no one laughs at your jokes, no one will laugh at the story told the day before. emotional reaction, personal attitude towards oneself undoubtedly falls;
• Any criticism heard nearby is taken in his address.

Sometimes, dependence on the opinions of others reaches the peak of self-destruction. After all, a person begins to live for the sake of a positive mark of others, and not for the pleasure of himself. The complex of such low self-esteem leads to a negative mood, apathy, loss of strength, lack of desire to work, to do anything in life.

Each person has their own list of positive qualities. By sticking to this set list, you can live happily, or you can constantly look for flaws in yourself, worry that they affect the opinions of others.

When you stumble, the reaction of someone dependent on the opinions of other people will be negative.

- "The ideal mother's children do not cry" - such a motto is pursued by mothers with babies, traveling shopping or walking on the playground. But as soon as the kid makes a remark, goes against his decision or forbids something, the whole district hears the terrible cry of the child.

In the subconscious of the parents of such a child, a negative reaction to itself arises. “I am a bad mother”, “I am a bad father” - after such emotional outbursts - you begin to fear a repetition of a similar situation.

Independent reaction to the opinions of others will make you happy.

It is your reaction to the situation that should determine the individual assessment of what is happening, any actions, mistakes and possible ways to succeed. While doing a specific thing, look only at your steps, and any negative from the outside should pass by consciousness. Only this method will act to achieve the cherished goal.

The main rules of independent self-assessment:

• I do not look at the opinions of others about my plans, life or relationships.
• Any emotions of strangers are only their reaction, you should not apply it to yourself.
• By not allowing yourself to be manipulated, you put your values ​​first, showing others your commitment.

An adequate reaction to what is happening around you is for many people only a dream, the achievement of which seems so far away that a large percentage give up halfway through work on themselves.
A woman who looks at herself self-critically and constantly looks for negative aspects in her appearance, figure is very often lonely and unhappy.

And a man, having low level self-esteem alone does not achieve the desired victories. This leads to depression, alcoholism.

Each of us has a number of points, performing which, feels great. It can be concerns about appearance, or it can be practical, psychological qualities.

Depending on how strong the framework of your criteria for self-assessment, your condition will directly depend.

Self-esteem of you as a person should not depend on the points of the completed “conditional” plan of an ideal person. A clear awareness of yourself as a complete person with a set of qualities that make you stand out and make you unique is personal pride.

Self-esteem does not need to be raised. We need to make her independent!

Techniques to help you become confident

It is worth recalling that a low level of self-esteem is your impressionability from the reaction of strangers.

Even a successful lady, having educated children, good career growth, finds many negative flaws in her appearance. Such a woman cannot feel completely happy, because every moment she remembers her shortcomings and begins to compare the behavior of others with her appearance.

The first method that will help show the best characteristics of a person is a familiar collage.

• stock up on a bunch of unnecessary magazines with an expression of emotions, a rich life of successful people;
• place your most beautiful photo in the center;
• choose the ten best qualities that characterize you from a positive side;
• arrange pictures with the image of the best virtues around the photo - these are your personality traits, thanks to which you differ from everyone;
• now remember the negative aspects, what you want to get rid of, you feel complexes, it causes you fear;
• place the negative characteristics of your "I" according to the impact on your life;
• and most importantly, every day look at your created art masterpiece and begin to say goodbye to what overshadows your life. Do not be afraid to say goodbye to old things, spend money on yourself - it is at these moments that your love for yourself rises to the top, where your judgment of yourself is hiding.

The creation of such an illustrated poster will be able to show how much good you contain in yourself, what you can do and what you can be proud of, and how few of those shortcomings that you attribute such importance turn out to be! They are simply lost among your virtues, all this will become clear when you arrange the collage. Simply being aware of this fact will help you stop focusing on them. And if you want to move on, then every day it is worth working to improve one of the qualities present and get rid of what you are unhappy with.

The second set of simple steps will set the mind to a sense of harmony with itself without the influence of outsiders:

• When talking to people, try to use phrases that denote a leader, this is an expression of one's own opinion from oneself. “I want to do, I suggest” - this style of communication will give an internal impetus to a new level of self-respect, will show in the team that you are determined.
• You should not walk sad and gloomy, thus creating a formidable wall of impregnability. The easier you express your feelings, emotionally reacting to what is happening, the easier it is for people with you to find mutual language. You must admit that it is more difficult to start a conversation with a secretive person, the uncertainty of his reaction to any proposal will force such a candidate to be bypassed.
• In the case when you are against something, you should not silently stand still and wait for someone else, bolder, to object to the proposed news. It is worth showing your disagreement in the case when it is you who do not like what is happening. So you can always express true desires, needs without imposing strangers.
• Accept a good attitude towards you with gratitude, without a sense of shame. If you have been complimented, know that you are worthy of these words. And let your cold coffee due to long gatherings and torn stockings remain a secret that no one should know.

Where does self-esteem begin to develop?

Low self-esteem is the result of the painstaking care of parents, teachers, surrounding the child from childhood. When the baby grows up, his curiosity begins to grow, and often he becomes not as convenient for relatives as we would like.

Comparing a fidget with a quiet neighbor boy, in adulthood, the guy feels shame at the sight of a stronger opponent. And if the reason is precisely in the uncertainty of his strength, he will silently step aside, giving the best to another.

Remember how the separation between you and your child happened in kindergarten, school. The frightened eyes of a little man, who is most afraid that no one will come for him. Stress, which not everyone can cope with at a young age, comes from your own “frightening” phrases: if you don’t obey, I’ll give it to my uncle, if you don’t take away the toys, I’ll leave forever. Manipulation of children's emotions based on affection and love for the closest person are the main mistakes of parents that lead to a drop in self-esteem below the baseboard.

If you begin to notice the fear of communicating with people around you, start immediately to engage with your beloved baby.

Ways to change the way you see yourself

How to increase self-esteem in five minutes a day - does it really happen? Yes, read the first way.

1. Autotraining.
   If you say a simple set of phrases to yourself every day, in a couple of months, your attitude towards yourself will change.

   I confidently go to work (interview, date).

   I have attractive features in appearance, I have a good character (you can make a list of your positive characteristics and not only repeat them, but also improve them).

   I don't care what others think, because my actions will lead to a happy ending.

   I can. I can handle. I'm brave (brave). It is easy for me to complete a complex, important assignment.

   The female body reacts more emotionally to ongoing events, while the male body is fraught with everything. But for everyone, regardless of gender and age, self-support will allow you to believe in yourself. Saying such short affirmations - short phrases, carrying a semantic load, the girl becomes more confident, and for men, this technique of self-hypnosis helps to raise the low level of personal self-esteem.

2. Learn to be yourself - you are unique.
   it can be difficult, who except you knows all the negative aspects of life. Starting to compare yourself to a successful movie star, always smiling neighbor - fleetingly you begin to imitate, using antics and expressions in your speech.

   Living your life with other people's emotions, dependence on the assessment of others grows a million times. After all, playing a role, they always expect applause at the end.

   You should not create someone else's image of an idyll, it is better to turn yourself into someone who will be imitated and on whose assessment someone else's opinion will depend.

3. Love yourself - make others love you.
   Often we look for flaws in ourselves, comparing with the standard of beauty. But what prevents you from becoming an object of admiration and imitation?

   Self Love Secrets:

• Go to a beauty salon - you don't have to spend hundreds of thousands to create a beautiful wrapper. This month - a hairdresser, next plan a make-up, manicure.

  Follow the successful and confident stars - this is to be envied. But they spend a lot in order to feel their attractiveness.

• Accept any compliments with gratitude, do not rush to talk about how much this dress cost you - you are worthy of these words of admiration.
• Learn to improve your positive qualities. It is by emphasizing the pros that much less attention will remain on the negative aspects. Ability to highlight your best features character will help you minimize what you were so ashamed of. Constantly compare yourself to who you were before.
• Forget about the fact that an inferior and shy person can be happy. Become successful through a positive self-image.

Love reading!

Movies that can motivate you and believe in yourself

Check out the films in which the shy, over modesty succeed:

• Eat Pray Love (2010)
• life in pink
• Road of Change (2008)
• Mona Lisa smile
• The Devil Wears Prada
• Frida

Each film not only teaches to overcome difficulties, finding the way to happiness. They teach you to be happy internally, having what you have for a given period of time.

The psychotherapist, who is often so afraid to go to for help, always advises starting small. When following the recommendations in order to improve your attitude towards yourself, it is worth remembering the rule about the golden mean. An unstable narcissistic approach to self-love will turn new problem- selfishness towards others.

Our self-esteem affects all areas of life. On the image of ourselves, on the decisions and actions we take, and on the achievements. For a woman, no less than for a man, it is important to have a healthy self-esteem and be confident in yourself. How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence in a woman, we will consider in detail in this article.

Based on self-esteem, overestimated or underestimated, it is clearly written in our head what is good and what is bad. What is right and what is wrong. How we should look and how we should behave. How our other half should look and behave. How our and other people's children should behave, etc. It all depends on how highly we value ourselves and how much our real ideas about ourselves are in conflict with our ideals.

What makes up self-esteem and self-image?

Self-esteem throughout life is constantly changing due to different circumstances and people who surround us.

Self-assessment can be of two types:

• internal;
• External.

Internal or individual, this is how a person evaluates himself according to various criteria.

Such as:

• Quality of character;
• Abilities: physical, intellectual, creative, communicative, etc.;
• The level of their achievements to their age in all areas of life.

External or collective self-assessment. This self-assessment shows the level of significance in the social environment in which a person is or wants to be. His external data, valuable qualities of character, skills or achievements for a given environment.

Psychological studies show that self-esteem built on internal grounds is more comfortable for a person than built on external grounds.

This self-esteem is more stable. Such people overcome difficulties better and more easily and are not tormented by constant doubts that something is wrong with them when someone looks askance at them.

6 main causes of low self-esteem in women

Low self-esteem comes from childhood. Yes, as strange as it may seem, the root of the problem lies in our distant childhood.

1 reason. Perhaps your childhood was one in which you lacked praise, support. And there was a big resentment towards the parents, who, in your opinion, did not give something, did not like it. But childhood is the past, and you live in the present.

Every adult is free to be responsible for his actions and decisions. There is no need to blame the parents and the methods of their upbringing for problems and failures. The moment has come when you need to take responsibility for your happiness and self-confidence.

2 Reason. Envy. A great influence on the formation of self-esteem, coming from childhood, had people whom we then envied. It was they who reflected a stronger influence on the formation of our personality than our close friends and acquaintances that we then had.

3 reason. Your partner. Perhaps you are unlucky and instead of a loving and caring man, there is a man nearby who negatively affects you. Words, actions, trampling all women's confidence and self-confidence.

I think this situation is familiar to many women. But only a few are able to change something. Silently and resignedly endure humiliation and wild mental pain for years.

4 Reason. social standards. Some women just torment themselves in front of the mirror. "Why am I so ugly?" and “Who needs me like this?” etc. Such women are very susceptible to the influence of society. It is he who dictates to them those standards of beauty and success that they must possess at all costs. Therefore, they are always dissatisfied with their appearance, your life. And then depression and emptiness in the soul. It's not about confidence and high self-esteem.

Most women's problems appear because of dislike and self-doubt!

5 reason. Negative experience from the past. Every person in life has faced situations when either he was not put in the best light by other people, or he himself committed such actions, after which he did not feel very good. All these situations undermine a person's faith in himself and his strength. Many women are engaged in "self-digging" do not give themselves rest. Fantasizing on the topic: “What would it be if this didn’t happen to me then.” These thoughts, literally, occupy the entire space surrounding a woman.

6 Reason. Excessive anxiety. Anxious people are more likely to have low self-esteem. They read the negative from the surrounding space, which could hypothetically threaten them. The key danger from the environment, for such a person, may be another person with his opinion, assessment, attitude. Therefore, it is often very difficult for anxious people to have high self-esteem.

Have you ever asked yourself the question: How is confidence different from overconfidence?

Confidence is based on real achievements, and self-confidence is based on nothing, this kind of internal state “I'm cool”. Self-confident people try to prove their confidence to other people. A confident person is really confident in himself, he does not need to prove anything to anyone.

How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence for a woman - 8 simple steps

You need to build a strategy for developing your self-esteem:

1. It is very important to learn to love yourself. Loving yourself means treating yourself with respect, dignity, and reverence. To do this, you need to compliment yourself, praise yourself. Be sure to repeat the words out loud. And it doesn't matter what others think of you. Modesty may decorate a woman, but this is not the case. After all, you need to love yourself, and for this you need training:

“What delicious pies I have, I am a super hostess”, “What beautiful eyes I have”, etc.

1. Never berate yourself. If you did something wrong, say: “I am smart and happy, and every mistake is a step towards perfection.”

1. Filter what other people say about you. If in your presence someone said that you did not do very well or that you dismissed yourself, gained extra pounds. Stop such conversations with the words: “You don’t need to talk about me like that. These are my favorite kilograms, I will deal with them myself. ”

1. Some women are too insecure, clamped. It is very difficult to say something very pleasant to yourself, it is very difficult to praise yourself with it. In this case, you can do it gradually. For example, instead of "I am a gorgeous woman," you can say "I am a beautiful woman." Come up with the praise you want to hear from other people. Speak words that you sincerely believe in.

1. Surround yourself with people with high self-esteem. If people with low self-esteem are around you, they try to raise it at the expense of others. Such people can humiliate, offend. This happens unconsciously in them, as it is a common defensive reaction.

Your environment should consist of people who love their job.

A very good option for such acquaintances is all kinds of trainings and seminars on various topics. There you can meet people with common views and interests.

1. Start something new. If you want to feel your strength, you have to lift weights. Everyone has power, but not everyone knows about it. The more you try something new, the more strengths you will see in yourself.

Many women are looking for a job to their liking and cannot find it. However, if you look into the very depths of our consciousness, then for sure, there is a very cool idea there. Even the most insane. The main thing is that you like her. Take the first step towards its implementation. Perhaps a new business will bring you not only self-confidence, but also a good income. What is also important for a whole person.

1. Don't chase other people's success. No matter how successful you are, there will always be someone or someone who will be more successful than you. It lowers your self-esteem, in your own eyes. Be yourself in any circumstance.

1. No need to tell and show everyone your genius and superiority. If you really are a self-sufficient person, people will see and understand this anyway.

I am sure that you, even just by reading this article, have become a few percent more confident in yourself. After all, you have found the strength and time in yourself to study this topic in detail. This means only one thing - you strive for self-development and self-knowledge. To what is the basis of all that is stated in this article.

Want to check your self-esteem right now?

If yes, then I suggest you take this test. It was designed by M.A. Panfilova for the diagnosis of children. However, psychologists actively use it to diagnose adults, slightly changing and adapting some interpretations.

Test "Cactus". Take a sheet of A4 paper, a pen or pencil. Before starting testing, you need to answer 3 questions:

1. What is my self-esteem?
2. How confident am I?
3. How much do I need the care and attention of my loved ones?

After completing the test, it will become clear whether your opinion about yourself and the test results match.

Test instructions:

• A sheet of paper is placed on the table in a vertical position;
• We draw a cactus. Only you decide what it will be. Complete freedom of your imagination is given.

Test results:

Fold your patterned paper in half. A line appears in the middle of the drawing. This is the line of self-esteem.

• If the fold line runs through the middle of your drawing, then this indicates a healthy, adequate self-esteem.
• If the drawing is above the fold line, then this indicates an overestimated self-esteem.
• If the drawing is below the fold line, then self-esteem is underestimated.

• The vertical line in the middle is the line of the present;
• The line on the left side is the line of the past;
• On the right side, this is the line of the future.

• If a vertical line crosses the drawing in the middle, then this indicates that you are living in the present.
• The picture is in the left corner of the sheet - stuck in the past. Try to work on your past. Perhaps there is something about him that bothers you. Resentment, innuendo, feelings of guilt, etc.
• The drawing is drawn on the right side. This suggests that you are living dreams of the future. It may be your dreams that you want to realize, but do not dare to do it. Think about what you can do now. Is it worth putting off for a brighter future what you can get already in the present.

Now consider your drawing in more detail.

• The cactus is drawn in a pot. This suggests that you need home comfort, the support of loved ones. It's not that you don't have it, it's just that this moment is very important to you.
• Drawn desert cactus. This suggests that you feel much more comfortable alone than in the company of other people. Confident in yourself and in your abilities.
• Large pot and small cactus. You are in dire need of home warmth and support of loved ones.
• The presence of large, closely spaced needles (thorns) on a cactus is a sign of aggression. If the needles stick out and are located along the entire contour of the cactus, then this is external aggression. Which can manifest itself as quarrels with other people, an uncontrolled flow of swear words, etc.

Large needles are only on the inside of the cactus, this indicates the presence of internal aggression. It appears constantly bad mood, not wanting to see something good. Bitten nails and lips are also signs of this type of aggression.

• There is only one cactus in the picture - this indicates that you are an introvert, that is, a person who is more comfortable being alone. If several cacti are drawn, then you are an extrovert - a person who likes to be in society, likes to communicate a lot, has a large circle of acquaintances, etc.

If you have one cactus, but has several small processes, then you are of a mixed type.

• By the number of shoots on a cactus, you can also determine the number of people significant to you today.
• The presence of flowers anywhere in your drawing speaks of sexuality and femininity.
• The presence of a window sill, stand or ground in the drawing may indicate a person who stands firmly on his feet. He has his own vision of the world, the goals to which he aspires.

Conclusion

To finish this article, I would like to ingenious, in my opinion, the phrase said by Robert Frost:

Something we hide

will create in us uncertainty,

until we recognize that this something is ourselves.

I hope this article has helped you understand how a woman can increase her self-esteem and self-confidence. Perhaps you have your own secret techniques on this topic. Share them in the comments.

Good luck and be patient!

How to increase a man's self-esteem? We will talk about this in our article. It is no secret that low self-esteem often causes many problems. Therefore, it is often referred to as a disadvantage. If we talk about men, then in their case, self-doubt prevents them from taking serious steps in their careers, prevents them from opening, for example, their own business, achieving their beloved lady, and simply being successful and famous.

There is an interesting fact that men have much higher self-esteem than women.

There is a study by London scientists on this topic. British psychologists on a special scale tested more than two thousand people of both sexes from around the world and found that males tend to think of themselves much better than females. This does not mean that the former overestimate their capabilities. It's just that women tend to feel inferior much more.

Psychologists are sure that such a problem as low self-esteem can and should be fought. But how to do it? How to increase self-esteem and confidence in a man? There are many effective ways to overcome self-doubt. The most popular of them most often include sports and interesting hobbies.

Sometimes self-doubt appears due to the fact that a man feels not attractive enough in the eyes of the opposite sex. Going in for sports will not only allow you to clear your head, forgetting about work and domestic problems for a while, but also make your own body more athletic, as well as recharge with energy and positive.

Interesting hobbies also have a positive effect on self-esteem. Since a person can thus discover a new occupation, in which, perhaps, there is a vocation of his whole life. Some recommend starting to do charity work or just doing good deeds.

Beautiful things

There is also an opinion that if you surround yourself with beautiful and expensive things, follow the style, wear fashionable clothes and shoes, make a fashionable hairstyle, this will give you self-confidence.

Psychologists undoubtedly know how to increase self-esteem in a man. Therefore, if your strength in the struggle for self-sufficiency is not enough, then you can start attending trainings to improve it or seek help from a specialist directly.

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man? Psychologists are sure that in order to love yourself, no reasons are needed. You need to accept yourself the way you are. After all, each person is self-sufficient, and this fact must be accepted as an axiom. But sometimes it's not so easy to do. There are several recommendations that will help you cope with your fears and accept yourself with all your shortcomings.

First, psychologists advise to refuse comparisons of oneself with others. Because it greatly undermines the feeling of self-sufficiency. So, for example, a person looks at his more successful work colleague, who is moving up the career ladder faster and is also popular with the fair sex, and compares him with himself. From this comparison, he, of course, comes out as a loser. Because of what he is upset, falls into despondency and cannot accept himself.

It should be understood that a person cannot live life for someone else, whether it be a more successful colleague or neighbor. The best thing you can do is be yourself. And the only thing that is permissible is a comparison of past and present self.

Secondly, scientists urge to leave the comfort zone more often. This will reveal abilities and talents that a person did not even know about.

Thirdly, you need to stop judging other people and their actions. Since this imposes restrictions on their own line of behavior. Anyone can find themselves in the same situation that they recently condemned. And getting out of it under the pressure of your own prejudices will be much more difficult.

Fourth, don't be too patient. If there is something in life that does not suit you, then sometimes it is easier to just accept than to change something in better side. Nevertheless, psychologists call for active action: you need to do your best to strive for the best and create your own happiness.

The next tip follows directly from the previous one. You need to reward yourself for reaching your goals. Moreover, you can please yourself in different ways, the main thing is that it brings positive emotions. After all, in this way a person fixes in his mind that achieving a goal is doubly pleasant. And in the future, more forces and energy appear for the implementation of new ideas.

And finally, psychologists recommend limiting your communication with people who are aching and always complaining about life, not to be a vest in which you can always cry. After all, when a person constantly complains about life, he has already come to terms with his problems, which he does not plan to solve, but simply shifts his negative emotions on others. Listening to constant whining, a man becomes infected with pessimism. Therefore, only strong and positive personalities should be allowed into your social circle.

How can a woman boost a man's self-esteem?

It is an indisputable fact that love works wonders. A guy in love is ready to move mountains for his lady of the heart. No wonder women should know how to boost a man's self-esteem.

The first and main thing that girls can do to make a guy feel more confident is to praise. The main thing is that the praise should be sincere and in moderation. This energizes the stronger sex and inspires new feats.

The third rule for ladies is to ask for help. After all, even the smallest request that a man fulfills will make him feel like a knight.

Thus, love is and remains one of the most effective ways to increase male self-esteem.

How to increase your self-esteem in the eyes of a man? It's good when love works both ways. But if suddenly on the one hand it begins to weaken, then it can be refreshed and thereby get rid of self-doubt.

When a girl feels that her value in the eyes of her chosen one is falling, she can win increased attention from other men. Interest from the opposite sex in her address will cause, if not burning jealousy on the part of the chosen one, then at least his discontent. Moreover, the fact that a girl is attractive in the eyes of other men dramatically increases her value in the eyes of her partner. He understands that he did the right thing when he made a choice in her favor.

Movies

What are the films that increase the self-esteem of a man? Can cinema help to cope with the problem of self-doubt? Scholars answer this question in the affirmative.

It is known that there are special motivating videos, the task of which is to change the worldview, make you think positively and thereby awaken the desire to move forward. But what if we turn not to them, but to feature films? Which movie to choose?

In this case, you need to focus your attention on the pictures where the main character, initially insecure, copes with his fears, realizes that he is capable of a lot and emerges victorious from difficult situations. Moreover, it can be a film of any genre and country of production.

A good example of such a movie is the Hollywood film Always Say Yes, starring Jim Carrey. It tells the story of a young man who changed his life dramatically when he opened up to everything new. This film will not only give a positive charge, but also set you on the path of self-development.

More examples of such films: "1 + 1", "The Green Mile", "The Shawshank Redemption", "First After God", etc.

Conclusion

Now you know how to increase a man's self-esteem. We have looked at different ways. We hope that our recommendations will help you in solving the problem.

Such a quality of a person as self-esteem is inextricably linked with self-confidence, the achievement of certain successes in professional activities or personal life. After all, people who have this characteristic underestimated often have many complexes and problems associated with this. To accept yourself as you are, to believe in your own strength - these are one of the main components of future success. Therefore, it is a common reason for turning to psychologists. However, you can work on yourself on your own, taking into account some nuances and observing fairly simple rules.

First you need to define what self-esteem is and how it is formed. In psychology, this quality is considered as a subjective attitude to one's own personal qualities. Most often, self-esteem is formed in childhood, and it is largely influenced by the attitude of others, in particular, significant adults (parents). However, it may change later in life. So, if a person is surrounded by colleagues or acquaintances, negatively minded, constantly criticizing him, then, as a result, his self-esteem may decrease.

You can try to take a simple test and evaluate yourself as a whole on a 10-point scale. Most people give themselves 5-6 points, and this is an average result. But keep in mind that such an answer suggests that you feel about yourself half positively and half negatively. Raising self-esteem is a sine qua non for success. After all, only in this way does a person have the opportunity not to be afraid of difficulties, to believe in a positive outcome.

Psychologists recommend working on yourself and doing exercises to increase self-esteem, which are offered quite a lot. So, you should never rely only on the opinions of others. Of course, it is important, but not as much as you think. The behavior of acquaintances who constantly criticize your successes or achievements can be analyzed. One must ask the question: "Why do they do (say) this?" It is noted that many assert themselves and raise their self-esteem by humiliating others. If this is the main reason, such people should be ignored or completely excluded from communication.

Also, increasing self-esteem depends on their own results. You can sketch out a plan for what you plan to achieve and begin to implement it. At the same time, you should not immediately set yourself the goal of becoming an Olympic champion or Nobel laureates. What is planned must be realistically achievable. If for some reason you have not achieved success in something, do not be upset. Analyze the situation. Is it only your fault? Maybe external circumstances played a role?

Ways to increase self-esteem can be such as the use of short phrases-beliefs (affirmations). So, it is recommended to start your morning by saying the phrases: “I am successful”, “I will succeed”, etc. You should never make excuses to the environment. This contributes to the fact that you will feel even more. Another key to success is harmonious relationships with loved ones. We must remember that there is always someone who will help in Hard time, which means that you are strong enough to survive failures and try to make another attempt.

In order to increase self-esteem to be effective, you need to constantly work on yourself. You can do what you love, let it be your main occupation or hobby. Almost every person gains confidence when he knows that he does something better than others. And one of the main rules is to act, because only in motion, with the help of trial and error, you can achieve any results.

By applying at least some of the tips and getting even a slight increase in your self-confidence and self-esteem, you will significantly make your life easier, increase your income, improve your well-being and the quality of your life in general! You can actually achieve this quite quickly and easily.

Why is it important? Or what is self-confidence?

Your success in life = Your Professionalism/Skills , multiplied by Self-confidence and self-esteem. Which means that you cannot compensate with new knowledge and professionalism for a lack of confidence and self-esteem. If you want to live better and earn more, develop your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Have you noticed that there are not very smart, but successful people, self-confident, possibly impudent, boorish, rod forward like an innocent bulldozer and, oddly enough, “for some reason”, achieve what they want?

And vice versa, there are very smart, kind people, perhaps with 2-3 higher educations, but unsuccessful, because they are insecure and with low self-esteem? And no matter what they do, somehow everything does not work out very well, it falls out of hand. It's not about professional knowledge, besides them you still need courage, pressure, determination.

This is what it means to have or lack self-confidence and good self-esteem. You cannot compensate for them by getting another university degree or an MBA, reading another hundred books.

I know excellent, kind, beautiful people, with 3 higher educations, living in cities, who can hardly earn their own food, because they have a lot of self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Having even a small grain of self-confidence, you will be able to “move mountains” of cases. And it's really easy to implement, develop in yourself.

Tip 1: Insecurity and low self-esteem - no need to be ashamed.

We live in a very difficult time and go through several structural crises at once. We were not prepared in school for such difficult times and rapid changes. Therefore, economic crises are called depressions.

They hurt the self-esteem and self-confidence of almost all people. Even businessmen can't stand it. Stress, chronic fatigue and burnout are the main diseases that lead to heart disease, cancer and even death.

Shame - pushes the problem out of consciousness. In other words, what you are ashamed of - you try not to notice, not to talk about it and not pay attention to it. The problem will remain, only you will not notice it and will not know what you are suffering from. For example, I spent 10 years to understand what was the matter - I was ashamed. During this time, you could become dozens of times more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem. And forget about it.

Living with low self-esteem creates a risk to health and life in modern conditions. Therefore, it is vital to figure out how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. Fear, shame and laziness have big eyes. Everything is much simpler than it seems, the road will be mastered by the walking one, and luck is a reward for courage.

Tip 2: Perfectionism or learn to live with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

Even many celebrities - admit that they consider themselves not very confident people. That doesn't stop them from being successful. There is no limit to perfection. There is no limit to self-confidence. The theme is natural for everyone - it's just that everyone has their own level.

Some lack the confidence and self-esteem to find a decent job. Others, in order to raise their business to a new level, earn another million, implement a grandiose project.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem will always bother you a little - this is normal. We are all living people. As soon as you reach your current goal, you will want more and again you will lack self-esteem and self-confidence for a new goal.

Learn not to give a damn about insecurities and learn to keep moving forward in a state of low self-esteem! Ideal conditions do not exist, and they are not needed. You will go through the next step and you won’t even notice how confidence and self-esteem have pulled themselves up.

Tip 3: Why most training doesn't work? The psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Uncertainty and low self-esteem are very deep subconscious a habit that you developed and, alas, consolidated for decades. And then, through negative experience and stress, they literally “concreted” in subconscious. We are controlled by the subconscious and habits - you need to change them first of all.

The work on changes must be carried out at two levels - at the conscious and subconscious levels. On a conscious level, for example, with the help of self-hypnosis, a quick effect is obtained, but short, and one has to constantly do self-hypnosis exercises or others. Only on a subconscious level can you develop deep changes and fix the result forever.

Most of the trainings that I have seen do not work on how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence on subconscious level. Coaches just don't know how to work with the subconscious mind. Well, or they are too lazy to bother. And the practice is somehow more like self-hypnosis - self-esteem "bursts" like a soap bubble from the first difficulty.

It's much easier to create a short-term boost of confidence in one day - to quickly get great video reviews. The student will leave happy, but after 2 days, confidence and self-esteem fall below the plinth. The trainer does not care about this anymore - the feedback has been received and will be used to sell the course to other similar people.

Attempts to contact the coach again may end with a hint “that you are a fool”, “do more exercises”, pay again. This may be repeated several times. The student, having wasted money, remains in the cold and continues to soar over the same situations, but with ineffective exercises.

Tip 4: What should be the training? Secrets of the psychology of confidence and self-esteem.

A training that truly teaches how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence and leads to long-term and profound changes:

1. It lasts from 1 month to form the habit of thinking in a new way, the skills to stop doubting and being afraid.
2. It contains meditation exercises to form changes and consolidate the skill of “stop being afraid”, doubt at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness.
3. It has exercises that let go of previous negative experiences and doubts that concrete self-esteem below the plinth.
4. Improves life for literally a month, and even increase the income of the participant.
5. Tips and exercises should be simple. So that even the most insecure get the result, stupidly doing the exercises. The number of exercises performed turn into quality - the skills of inner confidence and strong self-esteem are formed.
6. Should not take a lot of time and a lot of effort. They simply do not exist in modern man. Approximately 1 hour a day no more.
7. "Shell" of tension- released? (“Shell” of tension - constantly tense muscles on the body on the lower back, shoulders, neck, hips, face - everyone has it, but not everyone feels it) If not, then this is not personal growth training, but nonsense, with a loss time and money. The effect will be short-term - a few days or weeks, a maximum of a month.

1. Qualitatively form new behavioral skills at the subconscious level - through simple exercises.

Exercise 1: You as an asset. How to develop self-confidence and raise self-esteem based on previous experience.

The title suggests the solution. People with low self-esteem and self-doubt do not value themselves, their experience, their knowledge, their past achievements, their skills. They say -

“Well, it happened by chance, I was just lucky”, “oh yes, this is nonsense.” Just remember that accidents are not accidental.

If you yourself do not appreciate yourself and your achievements, who else will appreciate you? First you learn to appreciate yourself, and then others around you will catch up.

Get a notebook that will be your "diary of success." There is something magical about keeping your diary - just by keeping a diary, you can achieve sustainable personal growth, develop the skill of analyzing situations, changing yourself, and forming the desired character traits.

Remember your past experience and life stages: work, youth, studying at a university, school in different classes.

What successes, successes, victories, awards, achievements, skills, positive personal qualities did you have? What obstacles did you overcome to get them? Write it all down with your progress in your diary.

• What did you do well?
• What did you do on your own, “did your hands do it yourself”?
• What could you do for free?
• What activities do you lose track of time?
• What got you excited?
• Why did your eyes burn in childhood or youth, and your heart began to beat in pleasant excitement?

Write down everything you remember in your notebook. Consciousness is able to displace (forget) insignificant events. And such events are clearly underestimated in you. You will need several attempts to remember everything and do not require yourself to remember everything now. Just do this exercise for a few days. When you remember something, write it down.

Exercise - Daily experience.

People tend to pay more attention to negative events and forget, belittle their dignity. It is recommended that every day, mentally go through the events of the day, remember what you did today. Remember your small daily victories that you did not notice during the day, good luck, new opportunities, qualities.

Do the exercise for several weeks or even months until you have a stable skill, new habit notice immediately and appreciate any of your small achievements, notice even small opportunities.

You will be surprised how effective this will be for you. It is from such “small” achievements that strong self-confidence is formed, stable high self-esteem and a successful life are developed.

Exercise 2: Subconscious changes or how to gain self-confidence and raise self-esteem from deep within.

Do you have grievances, doubts? For example, I considered myself not a touchy person. But everything turned out to be exactly the opposite. I was very touchy and actually took offense even at the smallest matter. Gradually, the understanding came that this was not normal and that it was only me. Gradually began to let go of resentment.

Remember the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune"? One of the main characters was constantly offended by the other: "I tell him - I have the flu, and he: - Get into the water, get into the water!" Because of this resentment, he forgot that he was forced to climb into the water to hide that very golden helmet. Which they could not remember where they hid and find, the whole movie.

It's the same in life because of resentment, we concentrate on the bad, and lose sight of the opportunities. And over time, it hurts self-esteem.

At first, I wrote down in my diary all the grievances that bothered me in this moment and what he could remember. There were 10-30 grievances. Then he released everything on the list. Then he wrote it down again and again, and let go until he let go of everything. Now a strong skill has been formed and I need exactly a couple of seconds to let go of resentment.

How much easier it became to live and communicate with other people.

The times when I was offended - I remember with horror. Letting go of resentment is an indescribable relief. Take a diary, write down 10-30+ grievances, start letting them go from the easiest to the most difficult. With each resentment released, you can gain a drop of self-confidence and slightly raise self-esteem.

“Only the weak can be offended.

Is it possible to offend a strong, confident person with strong self-esteem? It turns out that any offense initially positions you in weakness, vulnerability, in touch. Letting go of resentment means regaining your strength, self-respect, self-esteem and self-confidence that you can handle it. How nice it is to be strong from the inside and gain self-confidence and well-deserved self-esteem.

- All grievances are such trifles - complete nonsense.

Stop acting like a sissy - you are much stronger than you seem. Life can give you a beating and kicks, so what? Is it worth it to be offended on every occasion? A kick in the ass means a step forward. A kick is not as terrible as our consciousness paints it. Discomfort from some situations is greatly exaggerated by our consciousness.

And do not waste precious energy on them - offended. Start letting go of resentment, and you will see how you will become much stronger than yourself. Let go of resentment for yourself, not for someone else. You need it first. Others do not care about your grievances - they carry water on the offended. Do the exercise, get rid of resentment and “they will stop carrying water” on your back.

You will gain your strength, become self-confident with strong self-esteem.

Exercise 3: Mistakes in life or how to be self-confident, increase self-esteem and love yourself despite past experiences.

Folk wisdom says:

• no bad without good
• not flour, but science in advance
• there would be no happiness, but misfortune helped.

The list of such proverbs could go on and on. The world is so arranged that everything is known in comparison. Achievements and victories are therefore valuable, because losses can be painful. Only good things would be like butter, cloyingly sweet.

Again, we are not taught and prepared for a real and tough life. Yes, it is a beautiful world - but it is full of dangers. Society is the same jungle with the struggle for survival, only tougher. And all life is a struggle: with sleep, with your weaknesses, with challenges, and with anything else ...

If you succeeded in something, then you received some benefit or reward. If you made a mistake and made a mistake, then you have learned a life lesson. If you want to achieve a lot in life, you need to increase the number of mistakes. Without mistakes, you cannot be successful.

Exercise: Write down the mistakes that bother you.

What lesson did you learn from this mistake? Yes, it may have been painful - accept the lesson and let go of resentment, at the situation, at yourself or others for what happened. This is a stage in life that you need to go through. Take the lesson and move on.

Everyone is wrong. But not everyone gets hung up on mistakes. Rejecting the painful "lesson" - you will attract similar situations to yourself again and again. By accepting the lesson, you return your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence that you can achieve what you want and reach a new level. By accepting the situation, you recognize that you are stronger than you thought about yourself. The way it is.

All your mistakes - dust, nonsense raised to a power - are not worth even one of your gray hairs. This is a fly turned into an elephant due to resentment. Let go and move on to new heights. This is exactly how strength, strong life skills are acquired, this is how self-confidence and iron self-esteem are forged and tempered.

Exercise 4: The roles you play. How to become a confident person and increase self-esteem.

We all play some role. For example, I played a role for a long time, a pretty guy, a shirt-guy, a cheerful perky guy. Still - it's so liked by others. Others play roles - I don't care, I don't need anything, I'm the most important, I'm cool / cool. All these roles are not yours and are imposed in the process of socialization.

Externally, they can manifest themselves in the choice of clothing, gait, gestures, facial expressions, and behavior.

Naturally, the role interferes with being yourself. By itself - to show their strength. For example, playing the role of a good guy, I could not say "no" - I'm a good guy - I was used accordingly. Playing some roles creates the illusion, security, that everything is in order.

In fact, playing a role creates a rejection of a part of yourself, naturally this leads to an underestimation of self-esteem and self-confidence. Embarrassment and embarrassment from oneself. Renouncing the role - you return yourself to yourself, find yourself, your strength, self-confidence. You allow yourself to claim what you really want in the depths of your soul!

Look into your past. What roles have you played or are you currently playing? Why do you think you are playing this role? What are you running from hiding in this role? What do you give up in yourself playing this role? What are you afraid of and hiding behind this role? Write down how you should behave in such situations in order to be yourself?

Write it down in your diary. Get yourself in the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you wrote down in your notebook. And you will become more confident in yourself and increase self-esteem at the deepest subconscious level.

Exercise 5: How to become self-confident, love yourself and increase self-esteem?

In general, there are no special differences for men or for women how to become confident in themselves, love themselves and increase self-esteem. There are male troubles, patterns of behavior, roles, weaknesses, prejudices of expectation or suppression of oneself. And there are women. Therefore, in this section we will talk about gender patterns of behavior.

Letting go of men's troubles as a way to build self-esteem and self-confidence.

For example, I had a pattern of behavior - unwillingness to cook, clean the apartment - this is not a man's business, but I'm a man! As a result, often trying to cook something, I unconsciously did something wrong, either the food burned out, or something else. It was a kind of unconscious protest that I lived alone. How would he complicate his life in order to “kick” himself for living alone.

Doing cleaning - I was very annoyed, angry with myself - this is not a man's business. Trying to jump out of your pants to make yourself a "real man". Well, and other male troubles that really interfere with life. After letting them go, for example, I realized that I really like to cook and I'm great at it.

And having accepted the fact that cleaning the apartment is a matter for both men and women, the perception has changed - I began to see in women precisely femininity, and not the cleaner of the apartment. By the way, women began to feel more comfortable next to me. And now we do the cleaning together, quickly, dividing duties and helping each other.

Letting go of women's troubles - the psychology of real femininity.

Naturally, these gender troubles interfere with life, interfere with being yourself. Similarly, there are female troubles. For example, for many women, femininity and weakness are synonymous. And in an attempt to "strengthen" their femininity, some women make themselves not just weak, but infirm.

I saw one like that - she could hardly carry a folder with documents, and at the same time she was very angry that she had to endure such a horror-horror weight of 1 kg so feminine. Well, how can a weak woman be confident or have strong self-esteem? Yes, no way. Best the enemy of the good. No one is forcing you to carry heavy things, just don't make yourself weak.

Another example of a female template is to live for others: for children, for a husband, for someone else. Which means the very suppression of oneself, the sacrifice of oneself in the name of "good" goals.

Such people are unpleasant and cause rejection, hostility. Get rid of this "tuning". Think - what female / male roles do you play? What gender pattern do you have. Why are you actually playing this role or trouble? What are you protesting against? Or what are you trying to prove? Did playing this role help you?

Discard this template - it is probably already very outdated and has become ineffective. What new behavior would be more adequate for you in the current conditions? Write it down in a diary and set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way and will no longer sweat because of these troubles.

Exercise 6: Unfinished business. Performance. Imitation of violent activity.

Unfinished business drains you of strength, health and reduces your productivity. It is impossible to deceive yourself or your subconscious - the subconscious or some inner part of yourself always knows who you really are.

If you are trying to get some new contract, customer or job, but at the same time you have a lot of unfinished business behind you, then your subconscious mind will slow you down. As if hinting - well, where do you need a new business, if you have not finished the old one yet? You won't make it. And it will start to fill you with doubts.

Unfinished situations keep you in the past and do not let you live. Incomplete relationships - interfere with personal life and are not allowed to create new relationships. Not letting go of unnecessary people from you - you do not let the right people into your life. All this lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Sometimes it's hard to let go of something or someone.

I remember I could not let go of some situation and addressed this to my teacher. He listened and asked - do I know how monkeys are caught in India? They eat there. I answered no. Hindus tie a glass jar and put a banana inside. The monkey sees a banana and sticks his hand, but the hand does not pass with the banana through the neck of the jar.

The monkey is unable to open his fist and release the banana, so he loses his life. My teacher looked at me and added - Let go of the "banana", don't be a monkey. Let go of the situation - do not waste your health and strength on it.

Do the exercise as quickly as possible: write down in your diary what unfinished business, relationships, situations do you have? Think about how you could finish them in order to free yourself? Write down your new steps in order to complete the situations. Start taking action immediately. Release those who need to be released.

You are doing this for yourself first of all, and not for someone else. Set yourself up for the future, that you will finish situations, projects, work. Stick to this new rule. Remember - you have no limits, except those. What you have created for yourself. You are the person who is holding you back the most.

Exercise 7: How self-doubt and low self-esteem affect health.

People with low self-esteem and self-doubt tend to relate to themselves, to their lives. Health is disdainful, disregard. Low self-esteem and self-doubt create a state of apathy. They discourage the desire to do something for themselves. Includes self-ignoring.

Even some revenge is possible. For example, one of my acquaintances, in moments of hopelessness, could drink, and then get behind the wheel and drive around the city “dizzy”. Well, this is her form of self-blame, self-punishment of herself for the fact that something in life does not work out. There are other forms which I will not describe.

Remember that you need to take care of your health. Neglecting your health is tantamount to neglecting yourself. If you don't value yourself, who will value you? And at the same time, appreciating yourself and your health is almost the same thing. Be sure to take care of your health - do regular exercises - it's not difficult.

In a healthy body healthy mind. A healthy mind means healthy self-esteem and self-confidence. Take care of your health and do not wait for better times - start taking care of yourself today and every day.

Exercise 8: Letting go of self-pity or how to become self-confident, love yourself and raise self-esteem.

There is such a pattern in behavior - poor baby, self-pity. Oh, the pain of self-pity. When you feel sorry for yourself, some muscles on your head tense up and cause incredible pain! Self-pity literally blocks your progress, ramming your self-confidence and self-esteem into the dirt.

Self-pity is very stressful to those around you. It's incredibly difficult to communicate with them. Therefore, people subconsciously avoid those who feel sorry for themselves, they subconsciously want to get rid of them as quickly as possible. Run away further. Surprisingly, people do not like to be miserable, but often fall into self-pity, they want to be pitied.

Which means they'll look pathetic, though logically few people can relate that. Get rid of this relic, hard times. With the help of pity, the maximum that you get is a handout in the form of a “crust of bread”. If you really want to succeed, you can't do it with handouts. Success must be taken by force, firmness, character.

By letting go of self-pity, you regain your strength, restore and strengthen your self-confidence, increase your self-esteem.

Write down in your notebook why you feel sorry for yourself? And start to paint why do you really feel sorry for yourself? Let go of pity until a strong skill is formed. Over time, you will be able to let go of pity in a few seconds. And there will be a habit to stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Exercise 9: Look fear in the eye or the psychology of self-confidence and self-esteem.

All people have fears and are afraid of something. Again, everyone has their own level. We need fear to survive - it is a harbinger of danger. But when emotions are added to fear, then "the fly turns into an elephant." People say fear has big eyes. Because rational in your fear is no more than 1-3 percent.

And everything else that you are afraid of is dust, nothing. The other 97% of your fear is an exaggeration. Fear binds and hinders action. What can be self-esteem if there are fears? Fear is deposited on the body - a thick layer of tension. Letting go of fear releases tension in the body.

Castaneda (the most quoted mystic of the 20th century) argued that fear is our first enemy to be conquered. But if you lose to fear, then the loss will be for life. I met a girl who lost the battle to her fear. Those. she could not let go of some fear at the right moment.

Her fear turned into paranoia. She was afraid of everything. Most of her fears were contrived by her fertile imagination. For example, she was afraid to stand with her feet on a chair 30-40 cm high. How can you let go of fear? Look deep into fear. Figure out what you're really afraid of. Write it down in detail in your diary.

Imagine what would happen if something happened that you are afraid of? Is it really as terrible as the fear makes it out to be? Do you really not survive this? Keep looking "in the face" of fear and try to understand, to feel what you are really afraid of. Write down all your thoughts.

Before my final battle with fear, I tuned in for several hours.

I was shaking with fear, like a perch in the wind. But I gathered my courage, mentally tuned in, prepared to look him in the face - to sort out this fear. Everything turned out to be so banal. It was some kind of utter nonsense, which he himself came up with.

Let go and feel better. As if a great weight had fallen off the shoulders - the muscles of the shoulders and near the neck relaxed. Then I let go of many more fears. How many there were. And how they interfered with life. Has the fear disappeared completely? No, it is still there, just a little, 100 times less than it was.

So much should remain. Fear - as a harbinger of danger, which without fear we will not notice. Does it prevent you from living, acting, reaching new levels? No.

Exercise 10: Letting go of guilt or how to gain self-confidence, increase self-esteem and love yourself.

As Confucius said: The one who imposes on you a sense of guilt wants to command you. Feelings of guilt literally hammer self-esteem and self-confidence into the ground. Trying to gain self-confidence and self-esteem while feeling guilty is like trying to fill a sieve with water.

When you have a feeling of guilt, ropes can be twisted out of you. And the worst thing is that there will always be people who will do it. First, a person is accused of omissions, negligence, mistakes, and half of them are invented, and the rest is exaggerated. And then they allegedly do a favor and forgive, but in fact they plow on free work, obligations, etc.

Feelings of guilt are released, like resentment, only more difficult. Guilt is such a big offense at yourself. I recommend letting go of a few dozen grievances first in order to gain experience before taking on letting go of feelings of guilt. The moment when the feeling of guilt was released - you will not confuse it with anything.

This is the moment of the strongest relief, liberation, as if a heavy burden was removed from the soul. The biggest difficulty in letting go of guilt is that people really believe that they deserve it, that they themselves are to blame and should be punished.

You will be surprised, but you have no reason to feel guilty, even if you made some mistake.

And if you let go of guilt, this does not mean that you will make mistakes more often, it does not mean that you will go into all serious trouble and become without a tower. Rather, the feeling of guilt attracts mistakes and problems like a magnet.

Feel free to get rid of guilt - remember no one owes anything to anyone. Just as you don't owe anything, so do you. If you feel guilty, then you have loaded yourself with something superfluous. This kind of ego, look what a cool anti-hero I am, I was able to ruin the lives of so many people. But deep down, I'm good, so I'm tormenting myself with guilt.

You cannot be held responsible when you feel guilty. Guilt replaces responsibility. You will act extremely irresponsibly, people will be angry with you, offended, but your conscience will torment you. It's not conscience - it's irresponsibility that torments you. Do you want to be responsible? Let go of guilt towards others.

Exercise 11: Self-deceptions and delusions. Self-hypnosis of negativity or who are you really trying to deceive?

I remember how in the very beginning, when I was just starting to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence, my teacher carefully caught me in self-deception. For me it was like a bolt from the blue. "How? Am I fooling myself? It can't be like that.”

In the future, of course, many self-deceptions were revealed and released. Each time it brought incredible relief and gave a drop of self-respect and strength. If you think that you are not deceiving yourself, then this is your first self-deception! Nothing human is alien to you. Actually, like any other people.

You don't have to blame yourself for it. We are all like that, to one degree or another. Such are people, and you are the same - also, first of all - a person. Think about situations in which you have deceived yourself. Think about why this happened? Write down in your diary the reasons for self-deception in more detail. Don't be afraid to tell yourself the truth.

Remember or find in the situation the moment when you made the Choice in favor of self-deception. Mentally replay the situation. Imagine that you acted differently - as you should have. And set yourself the mood that next time in a new situation you will act differently - without self-deception.

Recall situations when you tried to deceive someone else. Who did you really fool? It's really true that you can't fool anyone but yourself. Mentally replay the situation. Write down a new mood in a diary, and you will feel how a drop of self-respect, a drop of strength have been added to you. And along with them - a little stronger self-esteem and self-confidence.

Your environment pulls you in. If they are higher than you, they will pull you up. If it is lower than you, then they will accordingly be pulled down, and your confidence and self-esteem will fall. You can also choose a circle of like-minded people - those people who strive for more and really work on themselves - you will also grow with such people.

There is a category of people from whom you need to run away - it is impossible to help them. You will not have enough strength, health, or life to help them get out of the pit into which they stubbornly plunge themselves. This is not bad. This does not characterize you as bad. Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved. If you try to save someone around you, you will not save anyone, including yourself.

I am not saying not to help others. You can help if they help themselves. What if they drown themselves? Wouldn't it turn out that the drowning man would drag the rescuer along with him, i.e. You? There are some things life has to explain. And if people harm themselves so much, then only life can make them change their attitude towards themselves in order to start digging out of the hole.

There is nothing shameful in choosing the right social circle for yourself, refusing to communicate with those who drown themselves and drown others. Who will you hang out with...

Exercise 13: A mess in the head leads to low self-esteem and interferes with the development of self-confidence.

There is such a law of nature - what is outside, so is inside. (maybe someday I will describe all the laws of nature in interpersonal relationships in a separate article.) If a person has a mess around, then there is also a mess in his head. Excuse me. Living in a mess is hard. And by the way, putting and maintaining order around you leads to order in your head.

I know people who have a complete mess everywhere: at the desk, garbage in the car, dislike for cleaning the house. And, "oddly enough", in personal relationships, in business relationships, in friendships, with children and even with parents - also a complete mess. Without translucent. It's a pity for children - they can follow in the footsteps of a parent.

Well, I understand that unwritten rules must be broken if you want to achieve something. Serious projects cannot be realized in a perfectly ordered office. Working for the result implies some mess. And I'm not going to dispute it. But only a working mess, as a result of a working or creative process. And not a household mess, as a result of a mess in the head.

I urge you to fight against the domestic mess.

We worked - remove the excess, put things in order as much as possible. Similarly, at home - put things in order in the rooms, in the cabinets where your things are stored, in personal documents, in your car, in the tools of men or in cosmetics for women, in the kitchen among dishes and utensils.

Don't stress if you need help - find and watch a few video tutorials, there are a lot of them now. Buy accessories for this: different hangers, drawers, folders, shelves are now full of them for all occasions - everything you need to restore at least some order.

Start striving for order. It can be difficult at first, then it will be natural. Learn to put the used item back immediately after use. This will take 3 seconds maximum. Take off your clothes - put them in your place straightaway or in a laundry basket. No need to accumulate it on chairs in order to collect everything later.

Put things in order in your apartment, in closets, on your desk, in things. Throw out the junk.

When you use a tool or accessory, put it right away. Used dishes - put immediately in the dishwasher - do not put them in the sink first, because it is faster for a second, so that later you can put everything separately in the dishwasher. By adhering to this rule, you will have order, cleanliness and you will be able to do much more. A lot more.

And I guarantee you that you will respect yourself more, find yourself, become more confident, self-esteem will increase - after you put things in order around you and when you strive for order. You will gain inner strength, Self-respect is the foundation of self-esteem and confidence.

Exercise 14: Comparing yourself to others or how self-doubt and low self-esteem are developed.

Probably one of the most damaging habits for self-esteem and self-confidence is comparing yourself to others. This habit feeds and concretes your self-doubt and low self-esteem. One way or another, everyone has this habit. Some have more, some have less.

If you take a closer look at this habit, you will notice features. Usually the comparison is selective, with those who are more advanced, those who are more successful, those who are on more high level, and without noticing the shortcomings of the object of comparison. In themselves, on the contrary, flaws are looked out under a microscope when compared.

If the object of comparison is not cool enough, then consciousness quickly finds another, more advanced object for comparison. It turns out a priori without a winning option, lowering self-esteem and self-confidence lower and lower than the plinth. This unconscious self-torture, framed in a "sweet" BDSM habit.

Naturally, such a comparison discourages, demotivates, prevents you from acting, improving your life, and can drive you into hopelessness, depression. To realize and get rid of such a habit - take a diary and for a while observe how you compare yourself with someone.

• How do you choose an object for comparison?
• How do you choose what to compare with what?
• What details do you pay attention to?
• What advantages do you not see?
• What flaws do you see in others?

You need to notice, realize in habit - everything that is described above. After you have painted the details, try to do exactly the opposite: look for your own advantages, and the object of comparison for shortcomings. You'd be surprised how much of both.

Tell yourself honestly - what are you better than, with whom you compare yourself?

I am almost sure that you will find virtues in yourself, qualities that you have underestimated in yourself until now. Keep looking for your virtues and write in your diary. Do this every time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone.

Having done this exercise several times, first in writing, then it will be enough orally - you will begin to notice more advantages in yourself, while others have more shortcomings and, in principle, you will get tired of comparing yourself with someone, this is an empty thing. You will just know that you are okay. You will succeed.

form an internal ban on the use of their strengths, qualities and advantages. Over time, you stop noticing them at all. You need to bring this quality back - to notice what you are superior to others. With practice, your mindset will change and the skill will develop.

You must learn to notice the weaknesses of your competitors.

Your mind and thinking must be sharpened to identify them. And develop this skill to the smallest detail. And somewhere in the background in the subconscious, your powers of observation should constantly work to identify your advantages over others.

I am sure that you have incredibly many advantages, you just do not notice them and forbid yourself to use them. And it has become a deep subconscious habit. Start changing your mindset. Find your strengths and other people's weaknesses. Allow yourself to use it for business, in order to win this competition.

Compare yourself today with yourself yesterday. This is necessary for a guide, so that you can see that you are growing, that you are advancing. Do something every day to be better than yesterday. And with these small steps you will gradually, but ironically increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. You will be surprised how fast you will move forward and up.

Exercise 15: Excessive modesty, shyness, honesty, truthfulness - or how they hide in themselves.

Many people overestimate modesty. Modesty is considered too strongly, as a benefactor, almost in the last resort. But in the current world, it is impossible to succeed with excessive modesty.

I want to warn you right away - I do not call for abandoning modesty in general. There is some benefit to it. But too much modesty is extremely harmful in modern society. I urge to refuse only "excessive modesty". And I really hope that you are smart enough to distinguish between "modesty" and "excessive modesty", because there are huge differences between them.

Excessive modesty, i.e. when there is a lot of modesty - this is nothing more than - suppression of oneself, an internal barrier, self-deception, when a flaw hiding under modesty in the form of low self-esteem and self-doubt is presented as a virtue.

A complete lack of modesty is bad, too much modesty is also bad.

There must be some golden mean, neither more nor less. And so part of the modesty you need to let go. Well, you are your own judge and are free to choose how much modesty to leave, and how much to let go - it depends on the life you want to live.

Recall situations in which you were too modest and missed something. Write them down in a notebook, then analyze each one in detail. Find the line when modesty was too much and it began to harm. Think about how you should behave differently so that you might not be missed?

Write down in a notebook, a new model of behavior. Set yourself the mood that next time you will behave in a new way - as you yourself have chosen.

All of the above applies to shyness, honesty, truthfulness - there should be neither too many nor too few of them. Who speaks a lot of truth is a truth-teller. Who is too honest - holier than the "Pope".

If you tell only the truth for at least 1 day and not lie, then by the evening you can become divorced, unemployed, without friends, beaten with broken bones in intensive care. Yes, I know we are taught to be too honest from the very childhood, and then such “too honest” - they cannot get along with anyone, because of their “too honesty”.

Busting with honesty, shyness, modesty - disguised self-repression, elevated to benefactors, which they are mistakenly proud of. There should be neither too many nor too few. Do an exercise with all the situations when you were too honest and shy - find an acceptable middle ground.

Exercise 16: Criticism - how to benefit and ignore bias?

A wise man was asked:
- Who was your teacher?
It's easier to answer who they were not,
the sage replied.

Everyone needs Feedback and it looks like nothing more than a form of criticism. On the other hand, criticism can be unpleasant, annoying, painful, demotivating, hurts self-esteem and lowers confidence. Criticism can be helpful or useless, or it can be revealing.

The worst and most offensive criticism is its complete absence., which means that you swim too shallow and you are of no interest to anyone. It’s better to let it be non-constructive, negative, useless - anyway, at least some benefit can be extracted from it.

It follows that any criticism you receive is of HUGE value. As your self-esteem and self-confidence increase, you will be able to take harsher criticism more easily and get more out of it.

The most dangerous criticism is only positive feedback or praise. If you are not criticized negatively, then you are too authoritarian, suppress people or they are afraid of you, so they prefer to keep quiet, away from sin. Only positive feedback means that you are being deceived, possibly robbed, and you are missing something.

Criticism comes in several forms:

• Constructive criticism or feedback.

  Very valuable criticism, when useful - well contributing to the correction of errors. Available to fairly advanced people who respect you. It requires incredible efforts, life experience and wisdom to say exactly on target and without transitions to personalities and emotions. It can often take time to think about a topic and give accurate advice.

If you have found a person who can give you constructive and useful criticism, feedback - hold on to him, hands, feet, teeth, money, gifts. This is the kind of criticism that is worth and must be paid for, because it pays off with interest.

Often, the majority forgets to pay for such criticism, and this is very, very stupid - such people also need to eat something, and even they are not fed for free. If you want more such criticism, which is essentially support - pay!

If the criticism is constructive and useless, biased, it means that you are being discredited by a professional. You may be facing a serious challenge. Which reveals that big interests or money are at stake. You have grown up, you have been noticed, perhaps you are biting off someone else's piece or someone wants to bite off yours.

• emotional criticism.

  With transitions to personality, with some displacement of discontent. The most common criticism Most people have no other way to express their thoughts. You shouldn't be angry with them. Although this is the most offensive, demotivating criticism. Develop detachment.

  And it is certainly difficult to criticize without emotions for everyone - this is not taught at school, this requires a subtle mind, education, and life experience. A person who criticizes like this is touchy, full of discontent, does not quite understand what he wants to say, and he also has little experience, education, and patience.

It may be significant in this criticism that this person does not quite respect you, otherwise he would choose words. Perhaps you do not respect yourself if you allow such an attitude towards yourself.

• Unconstructive criticism.

Over which you need to think, meditate in order to figure out what the critic wants to convey. It can be useful when the critic cannot express his thoughts accurately and does not fully understand what he wants to say.
Often useless: someone wanted to be clever or pursues some other interests - it is difficult to remain silent when no one asks. Learn to completely ignore useless criticism: The dog barks, the caravan moves on.

• Biased criticism, accusations, insults.

  Very revealing situations. When you are subjected to such criticism, you are trivially deceived, discredited or want to use. You are either not there, or have seriously crossed someone's path, you have been noticed and they are trying to eliminate you by dishonest methods. Well, or you stepped on someone's tail hard and painfully.

  Oddly enough, but it can be useful. Perhaps you accidentally hooked someone to the living and the person broke through. It's pretty hard to get anything useful out of this. Rather, such criticism is indicative - in, than it is indicative - you need to figure it out yourself. If there is no benefit, feel free to ignore it 100%, as if it does not exist.

  The presence of such criticism from enemies and serious competitors means a big fat plus for you. And vice versa, the presence of praise from competitors means a big fat minus - you are missing something, making mistakes or doing it wrong.

• Trolls.

  Mostly online. You are envied. Someone takes out their dissatisfaction on you. Perhaps you have gathered the wrong audience, they have nothing to do, they have a lot of time, little money and are too lazy to think - people are having fun, stupid, mischievous.

  This is a telling criticism. Starting from some level of popularity, trolls are a must, otherwise your popularity is a myth. Completely ignore what they say, write. But watch out for the numbers - it's indicative. If there are no trolls, then you are still of little interest to anyone. Change your strategy - start doing more confident actions.

Too much negative and emotional criticism, which a person does not have time to realize and let go, can make a person neurotic by leaps and bounds, drives into apathy, depression. However, we are not taught at school or universities how to benefit from different types criticism. It's a pity.

In fact, it means that education and upbringing does not teach how to live. This can only be taught by parents if they have such skills or in training. And first of all, it is your task to independently form the skills you need for a successful life. Remember - no one owes you anything, not even your parents.

Good feedback and soft constructive criticism - on the contrary, moves forward by leaps and bounds. Do not spare money for such criticism - pay, you will avoid many mistakes that will cost you ten times more.

There are people who are completely closed from criticism.

And therefore, for years, banging their heads into the same situations in which they periodically find themselves, like kicking on cow cakes. If a person is closed, then he is closed. To criticize such a person is to make an enemy. If you perceive criticism painfully, it seems to you that everyone bothers you - perhaps you are also closed to criticism. Do the exercise and begin to gradually open up.

It is vital for you to be able to be open and take advantage of criticism, and include detachment. Psychological armor "like in a tank", from incorrect criticism - let them beat their heads. Learn to distinguish one criticism from another. To do this, periodically analyze the situations and context of criticism in which you find yourself.

Recall now one situation when you were criticized. It is very revealing why it really hooked you? Do not think about what the person said - think about why it really hooked you, offended you? Very often, during painful criticism, I caught myself thinking that I myself also consider it horror and condemn myself for it.

I don’t change anything, I pretend that everything is in order - that’s why the criticism was so catchy. Think about what mistakes you actually made? What should you do differently to avoid such situations in the future?

For example, I had a conflict with an employee of the rank below.

Formally, I was right - in "everything for a common cause", but only formally. He spoke very badly about me and constantly created problems for me, the work was done terribly, they even almost got into a fight. After meditating on situations, I realized that I was behaving arrogantly, overly demanding, in relation to him.

Having removed my arrogance towards him, the situation “itself” was exhausted in 5 seconds. We began to understand each other from half a word and implemented a large number of cases together, which was almost impossible before. We both forgot about the situation and only after 1.5 years I accidentally remembered that we once had a conflict.

To some extent, every person who criticizes you is your teacher.

Exercise 17: Responsibility = control = result = confidence = self-esteem.

We live in a very, very difficult time. We were not prepared for this. Now several crises have coincided in time: structural economic crisis, cultural, civilizational, demographic, religious, informational and others. It's not that we weren't prepared for this - we were created all these difficulties, one way or another, on purpose or not on purpose - it doesn't matter.

But you are still stronger than external shocks and problems. You have been given a LOT of strength from within to cope with all the difficulties. There are still incredibly many opportunities to succeed even in this time of crisis. Raise your confidence and increase your self-esteem - you will see for yourself.

And it doesn't take much time. And in order for everything to become accessible to you, you need to take responsibility for your life, for the position in which you are.

You need to firmly tell yourself that you are the only one responsible for the troubles and victories that happened to you. Neither victory nor achievement was an accident. Your current position is the result of decisions you made earlier, or inaction, the result of your earlier choices. Only in some cases it led to victories, and in others to mistakes.

If you are not involved in your mistakes, then you are not involved in your victories either.

By accepting your involvement in your mistakes, you thereby unlock your inner strength. If you made a mistake, then it was you who also made the victory, and not someone or something. And this is not an accident. And, therefore, if you could win then, then you can win now and in the future!

Just keep in mind - DO NOT beat yourself up, condemn yourself for mistakes. One must accept oneself, although it can be difficult - otherwise it is not acceptance, but rejection of oneself. Acceptance is when you accepted a mistake, do not condemn yourself for it, you are not ashamed to say to yourself - yes, I made a mistake, I am, first of all, a person.

By accepting responsibility for what is happening to you, you can change. As Karen Horney, a world-famous psychologist, said: External problems are nothing if you are strong from the inside.

Take responsibility for what is happening - start doing these exercises, and your life is guaranteed to begin to improve by leaps and bounds.

Did I do all these exercises myself?

Yes, I have done them dozens of times, each. And I know many such people. And by the way, not only these - I did many times more exercises. I have painted for you only the most necessary and effective. Their lives have changed drastically.

And the period of my life, my youth, which should be the most beautiful part of life, is now remembered as a nightmare - because of all these stupid and petty mistakes. Like a headbutt against a wall. Like a lot of mistakes, a lot of noise, disappointments and few results.

With each exercise performed, life became better and better. I keep doing them - life keeps getting better. And oh, how nice! And I am sure that you can significantly improve your life with the help of these exercises! And is there anything more important than that?

Performing such an exercise means to truly appreciate yourself and your life. It means self-respect, self-care. Getting rid of these petty troubles means loving yourself, finding yourself, returning yourself - squeezing a slave out of yourself drop by drop. The unwillingness to change, to take care of your health is indicative: subconsciously (unconsciously) you do not value yourself and your life.

A person who does not do such exercises is simply deceiving himself. I hope this is clear to you. I hope it is clear to you that a nightmare life and old age awaits you if you leave all these small bad habits?

How to perform these exercises quickly and accelerate your progress? Self-confidence training.

Now it is not enough to practice the right exercises. Life is changing too fast, getting more complicated. People are overloaded with work, household chores, and there is little time left for practice, as well as strength. It is vital to achieve quick results.

1. An environment that motivates change or practice in the company of like-minded people.

“It’s bad for a person when he is alone.
Woe to one, one is not a warrior"
V. Mayakovsky.

Internal changes are easier and faster when you are in the right environment set up for the same changes as you. In such places, a chain reaction occurs when group members help and stimulate each other.

While your current environment will demotivate, discredit what you do. On the other hand, it is very difficult to admit to someone that you are working on self-esteem - only very strong people are able to understand what you mean and appreciate.

95% of people do not learn and do not want to change. I don't know how they will survive in 5-10 years and I think that the most serious problems await them. Look for like-minded people and an environment in which you can open up, and which will pull you towards changes and finding yourself.

One of the possible options for joint practice and work on oneself is my “Inner Circle” - the participants in my self-confidence trainings.

2. Meditations: Engine and fuel to move forward.

Any change needs energy. And where to get it, when all the forces go to work and life? Answer: meditation to accumulate energy. Yes, it is with meditation that the speed of changing oneself increases tenfold and the practice turns into an easy pleasant process.

Thanks to meditation, you can learn to let go of some grievances, feelings of guilt in just a few seconds, according to the principle of remembering and letting go.

Teaching meditation through an article is like learning to swim while sitting in the office. At the initial stage, meditation is practiced with a leader, and then independently.

Having mastered meditation once, you can then use it for the rest of your life. Meditation you can master at the training "Doubling self-confidence in 5 sessions"

3. Intensive start with self-confidence training.

I hope you enjoyed this article and exercises, and you received an exhaustive, understandable, constructive answer to the question: how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence?

• Do you agree that by applying at least half - your self-confidence will increase significantly?
• Do you agree that by practicing these exercises on a regular basis for another year, your self-confidence will increase significantly? Namely, 2 - 3 - 10 or more times?
• Do you agree that by doing at least part of the exercise, your life will improve significantly? Will you be less nervous, tired, make mistakes?

The only thing left is to start doing these exercises and get the result. The bad news is that by postponing it now for later, you will return back to your reality and forget in 1-2 days not only about the exercises described above, but also about the article in general.

You and your life will remain without the changes you desire. Perhaps you will not be able to achieve your goals and dreams - because you did not have enough self-confidence. In order to change something - you need to act!

And better time for action is now. In six months or a year, you will greatly regret that you did not start doing the exercises today. Follow the link and register for the training.

This training is The best way start improving your life. Register now and see you at the training!

Change, i.e. Only active actions - doing exercises - can improve your life. Do the exercises regularly - and then the result is guaranteed to come to you, you won't even notice it. Follow the link above, register for the training and start practicing today!

PS2

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