Psychology: how to learn to keep your mouth shut. I want to learn to be silent, but maybe I shouldn’t, what’s wrong with that? Silence is the best music

Some people have a goal to learn not to be afraid to speak and boldly express their point of view. Others, on the contrary, suffer from excessive talkativeness. Surely everyone caught themselves thinking: “What an idiot, you should have been silent!” However, it seems that self-control is lost and the tongue begins to “live” its own life. How to learn to control yourself and say only what your brain gives permission for?

Silence is golden: why you need to be silent

• Chatterboxes in the eyes of most are equated with gossips.
• Are there a lot of talkative people? successful people have you met?
• Success in life depends on the quality of your words. The more you talk about the matter, the more serious and smart person appear in the eyes of others.

What to do to learn to keep your mouth shut

• The next time you want to blurt out another burst of words, take a few deep breaths in and out. Oxygen activates brain activity, and when it turns on, it will prevent you from talking nonsense.
• Read as much as possible. What is the connection between reading and silence? It's simple: after reading a book you like, you'll say smart things.
• Get rid of selfishness. This is precisely the reason for the desire to have your say on all issues, even those in which you are not competent. Think about other people: do they want to hear your opinion. Do they need your “truth”?

• Count to ten! Counting will distract your thoughts from the brilliant idea you wanted to voice. Perhaps after ten counts you will change your mind or forget.
• Do something. Instead of talking a lot, start doing more. Find yourself a hobby, something you enjoy doing that you can spend your energy on. This way your potential will be directed in the right direction.
• Make friends with a person whose authority is greater than yours. Whenever you start talking nonsense, he will stop the flow of words with the phrase “shut your mouth.”
• As an option - listen to audio books, watch trainings, educational films - the amount of information garbage that you “catch” from the outside will significantly decrease, which means there will be nothing to say.

The simple everyday way of exhaling and counting to 10 helps stop the initial desire, but in the future, what is unspoken can become a heavy burden and greatly spoil the cheerful mood. We counted to 10 and found 10 ways that will help you not just remain silent, but learn to be more restrained without harming yourself and others.

1. Developing pragmatism

Of course, it’s useful, otherwise we wouldn’t even feel the desire to react to what we don’t like. This is normal, because everyone is living people, but is this the benefit that we ultimately strive for? Hardly. In a moral fight, we injure both ourselves and those with whom we quarrel, and breaking is easier and faster than rebuilding. When the focus of attention is the main, and not the immediate benefit, it will not occur to you to blurt out something inappropriate. After all, politeness and tact are quickly restored when it suddenly becomes clear to us that a loved one may be disappointed, management may fine, and friends may be deprived of communication and mutual assistance.

2. Postpone the conversation

This method is very similar to the previous one, but it must be postponed for a much longer period. Especially when the conversation is serious and the decision you need to make will affect your entire later life. Offer new job, the need to take someone’s side in a conflict, a serious conversation with her husband. Don’t give in to the first impulse and don’t rush to dot all the i’s. Let your head cool and weigh the pros and cons, and only then make and voice a decision.

3. “Undress” the interlocutor

Mentally, we can give what we hear a completely different meaning - less valuable to us. In this sense, “undress” means removing the shell of importance from the aggressor, taking him off the pedestal and “dressing” him more simply. This method works well when you are tempted to respond to your tyrant boss about his stupidity, but you know that this will cost you your job. Imagine how funny he will look on the beach in blue swimming trunks with his belly hanging out. Is it possible to take such a person seriously and argue with him? Let him shake the air alone, and you enjoy the play of your own imagination.

4. Breathe deeper

Take a few deep breaths when you realize that the other person has already brought you to the boiling point, and you are ready to snap. Breathe before you scold your child for having an untidy room or before you tell your friend some new gossip. Deep breathing calms and oxygenates the brain, changing the physical state of the body. And this will help you calm down a little and think about everything again.

5. Changing places with a counterpart

This method will help in communicating with children when you just want to grab the prankster by the collar and give him a thrashing for his antics. Imagine that it was you, and not him, who just broke a flower pot and threw a stone at the neighbor’s window. Remember how your heart sank when parental anger was about to fall on your head. Perhaps, after a few minutes of reminiscing, you will want to find a different way of parenting than screaming and swearing.

6. Follow folk wisdom

“Bite your tongue”, “take some water in your mouth.” It is generally accepted that these expressions speak of silence in a figurative sense. Why not try to embody their direct meaning? Of course, it's a little strange to grab a glass of water every time. But you can quietly bite your own tongue. Our brain is designed in such a way that it instantly switches to physical pain, forgetting about all other irritants. Businessmen in negotiations sometimes use regular rubber bands. It is worn on the wrist and hidden under the cuffs. At moments when it is necessary to take a break and once again think about an important point, a person imperceptibly pulls on the elastic band, which digs unpleasantly into the skin. Thus, attention is switched to physical sensations and decisions are not made in a hurry.

7. Train endurance

Knowing that you have the sin of incontinence, work on eliminating it constantly. If someone stepped on your foot on the bus, cursed you in line, or made you feel rude in a store, remain silent. Even if the temptation to put the insolent person in his place is too great, and a small outburst of aggression will not harm your reputation, under no circumstances give vent to your anger. By restraining yourself now, you will be able to restrain yourself when necessary. You will learn to control your emotions and your tongue so that it cannot spread into the enemy camp.

8. Talking to ourselves

In psychology, there is such a thing as affirmation - a phrase that contains a certain formula and helps to consolidate what is necessary in our subconscious. Do you remember how Irina Muravyova’s heroine repeated in front of the mirror about being the most charming and attractive? So this technique works for chatterboxes too. or in moments when you just want to express everything that has accumulated. For example, let it be: “I know how to stop in time, I can remain silent at the right moment” or “I can control my words.” Over time, this statement will work, and you will truly learn to control yourself.

9. Let's analyze it

As a rule, our behavior is quite predictable. We break down in very similar life situations. Analyze the unpleasant moments that you have already experienced and try to understand what exactly unbalances you. Perhaps this is the disdainful tone of your mother-in-law and everything that reminds you of it, or some kind of resentment that follows you from childhood. There must definitely be something common and similar in all cases. Well, when you already know the “enemy” by sight, dealing with him is much easier.

10. Use filters

Make it a habit to sift through everything you are about to say. Come up with at least three criteria that any message you send must meet. For example, secondly, you must be completely confident in their veracity and, thirdly, they are really necessary and will not turn out to be meaningless chatter. And only after the thought passes such a triple test, turn it into speech, otherwise it can be not only meaningless, but also harmful.

Leo Tolstoy said that “people learn how to speak, but the main science is how and when to remain silent.” And you need to start understanding this science as early as possible. No wonder Chinese wisdom says: “Don’t speak unless it changes the silence for the better.”

What to do if the inability to remain silent spoils the relationship in a couple? Our experts advise.

Everyone knows that silence is golden, and it really has special meaning in the life of any person. To remain silent at the right moment is sometimes much safer than to utter any words. In everyday situations, it is desirable to be able to determine in time not only when it is better not to say a word, but also when it would not be superfluous to speak out. But the main thing is to be able to remain silent when it is really necessary. How to do this? How to learn to be silent?

Why is silence necessary?

The need for silence is due to the current situation. Very often circumstances arise when it is better to remain silent than to speak. You should control your speech and avoid rash words when resolving serious issues related to your personal life, during business conversations, or when communicating with strangers or children. Man is a rational being and must remain so in most life episodes, otherwise the consequences can be extremely unpleasant. Silence has several advantages. It is capable of:

• create space for thought to work;
• free from idle talk and fussiness;
• sharpen your sensitivity to your inner and outer worlds;
• ensure awareness and meaningfulness of actions;
• provide an opportunity to absorb information from outside as fully as possible.

Manifestations of silence in everyday life

Silence has a special niche in our lives. There are a number of situations when the question of how to learn to remain silent is not raised, since this is not necessary. Silence is natural and obligatory in the following cases:

1. Rituals - special events or people deserve to be observed with a moment of silence.
2. Obligations are a peculiar version of monastic asceticism, considered worthy of special respect - a vow of silence.
3. Rights - the phrase “you have the right to remain silent” implies time for thoughtful speech.
4. Secrets - the ability to hide something and not give away other people's secrets has always been highly valued in any person.

Communication in society

Man is a social creature, and he cannot do without communication within this very society. Therefore, speaking out and speaking out is a natural psychological need. At the same time, a new understanding of the situation occurs, removal nervous tension, relief of mental state. However, initially you should always understand whether you need the proposed dialogue at all. Is your information or your question useless? Maybe tell yourself: “Better be silent.” Whenever you have a dialogue, you should know with whom and what you can talk about. Do not turn communication into an empty and useless waste of words. When speaking, you need to focus on the interlocutor. You can express almost anything to someone, for example, a psychologist or a loved one who is able to understand you. But with most people it is better to limit yourself to the scheme:

• ask a question - get information;
• make an offer, request or demand - obtain consent or refusal;
• express a doubt, claim, opinion - receive an explanation.

Silence in the family

Family relationships are a very complex and subtle matter, and absolutely ambiguous. Silence in the family is not welcome; on the contrary, for mutual understanding you need to be able to talk, because omissions can lead to serious quarrels, misunderstandings, and conflicts. But sometimes there are situations when you should be silent like a fish. This is especially true for those cases when it is not the mind that dominates, but emotions, and a negative attitude towards one’s other half is expressed in the form of angry epithets and subsequently does not bring anything good. How to learn to remain silent when you want to express everything that has accumulated in your soul? Very often, this requires gathering all available will into a fist. Later, undoubtedly, you will be able to think more adequately and express your complaints by finding the right words for this.

Silence at work

A person who knows how to remain silent will always be valued at work much more than one who cannot keep his mouth shut. After all, this will mean that the employee knows how to listen to the interlocutor, show attention to him, and also maintain the confidentiality of any information received. How to learn to remain silent at work? The ways to maintain silence in the workforce are identical general methods gaining inner balance and self-control. Just as in all other cases, in any society silence is a manifestation of dignity. In other cases - the ability to avoid confrontation of views in disputes, the ability to distance oneself from a situation when it is reasonable. However, you should always remember that constant silence can also be assessed negatively. Look for a middle ground.

Basic ways to remain silent

How to learn to be silent? Psychology is a science that was one of the first to develop this problem and look for solutions that can help the majority of people. In order to learn to remain silent at the right moment, use the following techniques:

Ways to remain silent in critical situations

How to learn to remain silent in such situations when emotions are in full swing and there is no opportunity to sit down and calmly meditate or retire, and words just rush out, and you are absolutely sure that you will regret them later?

1. Breath. When a critical situation arises in which emotions take over and you want to speak out, but this cannot be done, breathing exercises help many. Take a very deep breath and exhale for a long time. For many people, just breathing for a few minutes is enough. The brain will be oversaturated with oxygen, and the physical state will change.
2. Water. In order to remain silent, you can occupy your mouth with something else - drink water or eat something, chewing it well and not being distracted by extraneous irritants.
3. Physical exercise. If possible, in a good way Physical activity can serve as a distraction from unnecessary words. Whatever is most difficult for you: squats, push-ups, presses. In other cases, you can simply run away from an unpleasant conversation in the literal sense of the word.
4. Painful sensations. Pain can distract you from almost everything in the world. Our body is so physiologically structured that in the presence of pain, it is distracted exclusively by them, everything else loses its significance. You can just pinch yourself. But modern psychologists have long come up with a more interesting method: a regular elastic band for tying banknotes is put on the wrist, and in emergency situations it is pulled back and released. In this case, you can adjust the amount of pain by pulling the elastic band to different lengths. By the way, this method is currently widespread and allows you not only to avoid unnecessary words in a specific situation, but also to prevent this from happening in the future, since the body produces unnecessary words and gets hurt.

When is the best time to speak?

A man came to Socrates and asked:

Do you know what your friend says about you?

Socrates replied:

Before you tell me this news, sift your words through 3 sieves. The first is the sieve of truth. Are you sure your information is true?

These are rumors.

The second sieve is the sieve of goodness. Will this news bring me good and pleasant things?

Not at all.

And the third sieve is the sieve of benefit. Will this news be useful to me?

Hardly.

Now judge for yourself: you want to tell me a message in which there is neither good nor truth and, on top of everything else, it is useless. Why say it then?

Hence the conclusion: before you say something, you should always think about why you need to do it.

Keep your mouth shut Only nonsense. Led more often. incl. or inf. Be silent, don’t say too much; be careful in your statements. With noun with meaning faces: brother, friend... keeps his mouth shut; be able to promise... keep your mouth shut.

Keep your mouth shut... Be careful not to say anything unnecessary. (A. Chekhov.)

Do you know how to keep your mouth shut? However, it will be worse for you if you start talking too much. (A.N. Tolstoy.)

Educational phraseological dictionary. - M.: AST. E. A. Bystrova, A. P. Okuneva, N. M. Shansky. 1997 .

See what “keep your mouth shut” in other dictionaries:

keep your mouth shut- keep your tongue on (string, leash), remain silent Dictionary of Russian synonyms ... Synonym dictionary

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT- who To remain silent about what needs to be hidden, to be wary of careless words and statements. This means that a person or group of persons (X) should not say too much where it is not necessary. unformed ✦ (1) Active long-term situation: X keeps his mouth shut.… …

Keep your mouth shut- Razg. Express Being careful, fearing undesirable consequences, remain silent and do not say too much. [Commissioner:] We cannot know whether the regiment will come or not, but we must know one thing: keep our mouths shut. About where and why the two battalions went... ... Phrasebook Russian literary language

keep your mouth shut- Keep your mouth shut (on a leash) Keep silent, don’t talk about anything... Dictionary of many expressions

Keep your mouth shut- Razg. To remain silent, to abstain from what. statements, do not say too much. FSRY, 539; BTS, 252, 1532; BMS 1998, 648; Mokienko 1990, 92; ZS 1996, 207; Glukhov 1988, 34; POS 2, 244 ...

Keep your mouth shut encyclopedic Dictionary in psychology and pedagogy

keep your mouth shut- Wed. hold back, hide... Culture verbal communication: Ethics. Pragmatics. Psychology

keep your mouth shut, on a string, on a leash- Cm … Synonym dictionary

KEEP YOUR TONGUE ON A LEAD- who Keep quiet, don’t chat, so as not to say something. unnecessary things about yourself or others. This means that a person or group of persons (X), consciously controlling their speech, refrains from uttering careless words, statements, so as not to disclose... ... Phraseological Dictionary of the Russian Language

Keep your tongue in your bosom- Gorky. Same as keeping your mouth shut. BalSok, 33… Big dictionary Russian sayings

Books

• Wild student, Alexander Kovalkov. The young guy “gets”, there’s no other way to say it, as a student of a magician. The beginning of training does not bring pleasant moments for the time being. The teacher believes that the student’s main skill is to get away on time. Life…

Hello, my dears! From the first lines I want to immerse you in not the most pleasant emotional experiences with a question: how long have you witnessed a noisy conflict, quarrel, or have you yourself had a row with others (no matter for what reason) personally? Do you remember?

Yes, how can you forget the negativity, anxiety, aggression, resentment, emotional, and even real abrasions received in the process of defending your position. But such consequences could have been avoided at the very beginning of the incident at the stage “Darling, please shut up!” or such offensive verbal attacks: “Smell your mitten!”, “Shut up!”, “Shut your mouth!”.

It is noteworthy that these phrases act on some like a tub of ice water splashed onto a heated crown, and on others like a red rag on a bull in a bullfight. Of course, conflict is an extreme manifestation, but it is a very real reaction to overly talkative people who do not know how listen the interlocutor, with their unrestrained chatter they blow their minds, irritate, strain and bring those around them to a boil. Today we will try to find effective practical advice how to learn to remain silent, which will become a guarantee of peace and an excellent help in pleasant communication with loved ones and strangers.

Causes of talkativeness - not a vice or...?

It just so happened that the unique gift - the ability to express oneself clearly - was given by nature only to Homo sapiens - Homo sapiens. Unfortunately, not all people skillfully use a gift: they do not have self-control, do not control themselves in situations when they need to remain silent or at least don't say too much to your own detriment.

In practical psychology There are several theories that explain the nature and causes of “verbal incontinence” of some individuals, which can be divided into three groups:

How to overcome your habit of talking incessantly?

The motivation for self-discipline and the need to “curb” one’s language can be the unpleasant prospect of losing a loved one, friend, business partners who feel uncomfortable being in the company of a chatterbox that reveals all the secrets or a “radio” that is simply tiring with its inexhaustible flow of information garbage.

Understanding that a talkative individual has a problem is the first step to eliminating it. Not everyone is aware of their inability to keep their mouth shut when needed, sincerely wondering why acquaintances shy away from them, colleagues distance themselves, friends increasingly “disappear” somewhere for a long time, and most importantly, close people move away. It is possible that in particularly difficult cases, professional support from a specialist may be needed when it comes to personal psychocorrection. If the problem is a lack of self-control and skills of socially acceptable behavior, for the sake of your happiness and success you can try to cope with the vice on your own.

The introduction of qualitatively new forms of behavior into life is associated with energy and psycho-emotional costs. Because those who want to learn talk less It is advisable to involve your family and friends for support.

You need to be aware that this is a rather lengthy process, but at the end of a successful path there will be a significant bonus - a higher, more pleasant and effective level of communication.

Due to individual characteristics, training can be carried out sequentially or comprehensively, the main thing is not to stop!

• Stop rule . Remember how the heroine of the film “50 Shades of Gray” uncompromisingly besieged her partner with one word “red”. Agree with your close friend from your close circle so that at the moment of increased verbal activity (or, more simply, when you “get carried away”) he will pronounce a code word or do symbol gestures. It is important not to break the rules - you should fall silent immediately after the sign, even in the middle of a phrase.
• Exercise “Alone with yourself” It is recommended to use at the very beginning of the formation of a new character trait, when it is difficult for a balabol to refrain from participating in a conversation with acquaintances or random companions. At this stage, it is useful to use headphones as often as possible. Music takes off emotional stress, serves as an excellent barrier to speech signals. Studying foreign language or listening to audio books will bring additional benefits, at least it will give you ideas and topics for an interesting and meaningful conversation.
• Game "Partisan" . The essence of the interactive action is that one of the players is required to remain silent for a certain time (1 hour). At this time, other participants can contact him with any questions and suggestions, provoking him to respond verbally. This is a good training in endurance, willpower and the ability to listen to others.
• Breathing and counting to 10 . Three deep breathing cycles or counting to 10 in forward/reverse order are the simplest techniques, but this makes them less effective. Many people have enough time to do this intellectual work and regain brain control over your own language.
• "Take some water into your mouth" . The advice to keep your mouth busy with something may seem funny and amusing, however, this is a proven method. It is not for nothing that Eastern women, who are considered the most meek and submissive wives all over the world, acquire special stones to hold in their mouths. Modern people They can replace the stone with simple candy, chewing gum, or simply take a sip of water at a dangerous moment when information is literally rushing out.

Dale Carnegie. How to become a master of communication with any person Very interesting, useful, smart book, helps to collect all your thoughts, get inspired, create, try to communicate with familiar people in a new, different way. Online book by Robert Cialdini. Psychology of persuasion. Important little things that guarantee success Just imagine, you get the manager’s consent to increase your salary as soon as you enter his office. Or you enlist the support of a partner in a risky project without even starting to persuade him. Online book Polina Shkalenkova. “I’m so cool, why doesn’t anyone notice me?” Interesting book, With good advice how to communicate so that you are listened to and understood, despite the frivolous title. Electronic version of Nancy Dreyfuss. Talk to Me Like Someone You Love Online book by Stephen Covey. 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families Audio Book E-Book

Lastly….

Chatterboxes and whiners, nonsense people and idle talkers, gossipers and balalaikas - such unpleasant nicknames for people who torment absolutely everyone around them with their conversations. But they are someone’s lovers, children, grandmothers, brothers, parents! Love and respect for relatives is not a reason to stop being selfish and start changing? New hobbies, sports, education, career, romantic relationships - these are the areas that will fill your life with new impressions, free up energy and distract you from endless and meaningless conversations about nothing.

I hope in your environment, dear readers, there are no or very few such “finds for a spy.” If you know such a person, show humanity and make sure that he reads the article. Perhaps he will recognize himself and want to change. Agree, this will only make you feel better.

And finally, answer the question: which girl in the picture is more attractive and feminine, which husband, when he comes home from work, will want to hug?

And finally, a wonderful video: About the effect of swearing on a person on YouTube

Be sure to check it out and have a nice day!

Best regards, Elena Selivanova