How to get rid of loneliness or the path to inner freedom. What to do with feelings of loneliness? State of loneliness

Loneliness is not always a bad thing. Sometimes people need it. I want to be alone with myself, to realize new priorities, goals and objectives. After all, everyone gets tired sometimes and needs to recharge. It is in solitude that brilliant ideas and masterpieces of art are born. But there is another, painful feeling of loneliness, when it seems to a person that the whole world has turned its back on him. Feeling abandoned is difficult to cope with, even with family and friends. What should I do? Let's listen to the advice of psychologists.

The feeling of loneliness is a disease of new times

The faster technologies develop that provide access to surrogate communication through phones, social networks and instant messengers, the more more people suffer from a lack of live communication and a feeling of abandonment. These are interconnected phenomena. Man is a social being. It is vital for him to feel that he is useful, that someone needs him. During periods when it seems that the world is indifferent, a wave of pain covers you.

When there are no family and friends, the feeling of loneliness is understandable. But where does it come from if everything is fine with a person? There are several reasons for the feeling of abandonment:

Chronic fatigue. Constant employment and stress are not in vain. At the end of the day there is simply no energy left for full communication and joint activities.

Superficial communication. We are often afraid to talk about our experiences so as not to hurt our family and friends.

Lack of intimacy. The daily routine sucks us in, we become indifferent to each other and no longer want to ask how we are doing, so as not to listen to long monologues. But it is precisely such conversations that help to establish full-fledged contact.

Feeling of own uselessness. Performing the same actions day after day, we cease to be aware of their meaning. It seems to us that we are useless and of no interest to anyone.

Psychologists note that women most often experience a deeply wounding feeling of loneliness. They have a more subtle mental organization than men, so the need for warm, friendly communication is higher.

A study conducted at the University of Chicago found that loneliness negatively affects health and life expectancy. A depressing feeling suppresses the immune system and has an effect on the body comparable in strength to smoking 15 cigarettes. It provokes cardiovascular diseases and nervous disorders. But that is not all. People who are tormented by a feeling of abandonment become alienated, close themselves off from loved ones, and it becomes more difficult to help them every day.

The good news is that loneliness can and must be fought. To overcome a negative attitude, follow the recommendations of psychologists.

1. Regularly change the pictures before your eyes

Walk more often, or even better, go on weekends to unfamiliar places. A boring environment at home and office reinforces negative feelings. When people and objects begin to flash before your eyes, and your hearing picks up unusual sounds, the depressive state recedes. A trip to nature or to a neighboring city will give you new impressions and emotions.

2. Communicate with like-minded people in reality and online

Look for people with similar interests and hobbies. If you can’t establish live contact, find suitable groups and communities in the virtual space. Read forums where issues that concern you are discussed. Very quickly you will realize that you can be useful, interesting to someone, and loneliness will recede.

3. Choose: Is TV your friend or foe?

If you spend a lot of time in front of the TV, then it’s time to pull yourself out of the cycle of events in other people’s lives. Stop watching stars and socialites and get out into the real world and interact with real people. At the very least, read a book.

There is another way. You can find an interesting series and delve into the plot for a while, tracking other people's experiences. This will dull the pain of loneliness, but will not eliminate it completely. The choice is yours.

4. Movement is life, including social life

Physical activity is a universal cure for many mental illnesses. By playing sports, you give your body the joy of movement and stimulate the production of happiness hormones. Join a gym. Here you will find new acquaintances, peace of mind and a sense of self-confidence. Works flawlessly!

5. Communicate with people just like that, without any special purpose

We are so fixated on ourselves and our experiences that for a long time we have not paid attention to others, but communicate mainly on business. Call an old friend, ask about his affairs and listen carefully. Make it a rule to communicate without any special purpose, but simply for the pleasure of other people. Then they will begin to show sincere interest in you more often.

6. Stop seeing the world as a hostile environment.

Seriously, do you think that no one is interested in you, and that the world around you is hostile? Well, then learn to cope with your fears. Decide to act as if everyone around you is friendly but sometimes upset. Communicate with others based on this attitude, be sincere and open. You will see for yourself how your ideas about the world and people will change.

7. Selflessly help those who are worse off than you.

Take a break from your problems and look around. There are a lot of people who have things much worse than you. They need help. Having provided it, you will understand that you are important to the world and are fulfilling a specific mission. Compared to other people's worries, your worries will seem petty.

8. Work and career growth are not bad either.

Find new career goals, develop and become the best specialist in your field. Surely you have room to grow. Your next achievements will increase your self-esteem and open up prospects. New interesting acquaintances will appear. But be careful: get plenty of rest and don’t become a workaholic.

The closer this world becomes, the easier it is to actually feel on its side. Do you often feel this way? You are not the only person like this, that much is certain. You may be wondering how to get rid of this feeling of loneliness. First of all, you need to study yourself well, and then, on the basis of this, you can begin to overcome your feeling of loneliness.

Steps

Part 1

Keep yourself busy. Organize your activities so that they take as much time as possible. When a person's schedule is jam-packed different types activities that distract him and bring results, he simply has no time to think about the fact that he is lonely. Become a volunteer. Find extra work. Join a club, sign up for a new gym. Start a couple of craft projects. Just get rid of thoughts of loneliness from your head.

• What types of hobbies are you interested in? What do you do best? What have you always dreamed of doing but put off? Take advantage of this opportunity and devote time to this.

1. Change the environment. It's easy to sit at home and spend the day watching your favorite TV shows. However, returning to the same environment will only provoke the development of thoughts of loneliness. Go to a cafe to work on the computer. Go to the park and watch the people passing by while sitting on a bench. Stimulate your brain to distract it from negative thoughts.

   Do things that make you feel positive. By doing something that truly interests you, you can easily get rid of the feeling of loneliness. Think about what makes you feel positive. Meditation? Reading foreign literature? Singing? So go ahead! Spend some of your precious time on your hobby. Ask a classmate, colleague, or guy from the gym if they'd like to join you. Here's a new friend for you.

   • Avoid Abuse harmful substances for the sake of dulling painful feelings. Find healthy activities that actually bring you pleasure, not just temporary relief.

2. Watch for warning signs. Sometimes you can so desperately want to get rid of the feeling of loneliness that you will be ready to do anything that even in the slightest way contributes to this. But be careful - don’t make bad connections, don’t communicate with people who are simply using you. It happens that a vulnerable state due to loneliness makes a person vulnerable to manipulators and rapists. People who are not interested in healthy and strong relationships can be identified by the following signs:

   • They look "too good to be real." They call you all the time, schedule all your time and seem perfect. Often these are all signs of people who are prone to violence and want to take complete control of your life.
   • They don't reciprocate. You can give them rides from work, do things for them on weekends, etc., but somehow they will never do anything for you. These people are simply taking advantage of your vulnerability for their own gain.
   • They get in a bad mood when you plan to spend time somewhere else. You may be so interested in talking to someone else that their controlling behavior may not bother you very much at first. However, if someone is constantly holding you accountable, keeping track of where you are and who you're with, and getting upset that you're not spending time with them, that's a bad sign.

3. Focus your attention on your loved ones. For those who crave independence, this may seem difficult, but sometimes we have to depend on others. If you're feeling lonely, reach out to a trusted relative or friend - even if they're hundreds of miles away. One call can lift your spirits.

   • If you are going through a difficult period, your loved ones may not even know about it. Yes, you don’t have to talk about all your feelings in detail. Share with them what you are willing to share. Most likely, your loved ones will be grateful to you for this.

4. Find others like you. The easiest place to start is on the Internet. It's full of resources where people can find friends. Try to chat with people who enjoy the same hobbies and share your interests. Think about your favorite books or movies, or where you're from or where you currently live. You can create or find a group based on almost any criteria.

   Get a pet. Relationships are so important to humans that they have been breeding furry companions for 30,000 years. And if Tom Hanks could live with Wilson for years, it will only benefit you if a dog or cat appears nearby. Pets can make amazing friends. The main thing is to make sure that you are not pushing people out of your life due to them. Try to maintain friendly relationships with at least a few people, so that you have someone to talk to and someone to lean on during difficult times.

   • Don't pay thousands of rubles for a dog. Contact your local animal shelter and you may be able to select a pet from them that needs a good home.
   • According to research, in addition to all the benefits of the company, pets improve physical well-being and even prolong life.

5. Think about others. Social studies prove that there is a relationship between selfishness and feelings of loneliness. This doesn't mean you shouldn't reflect on your emotions, but it does mean they shouldn't become the center of your life. Once you start thinking about others, your feeling of loneliness will simply melt away. Research shows that volunteering, for example, helps people build stronger, more fulfilling emotional connections, which can reduce loneliness.

   • The easiest way to change your focus is to find a group of people who need your help. Volunteer at a hospital, soup kitchen, or other charity. Become part of a support group. Start donating funds. Become a strong shoulder and support for someone. Everyone in this world is struggling with something; perhaps you can help someone achieve their own small victory.
   • You might even think about ways to help others who are feeling lonely. The poor and elderly are often excluded from social life. By visiting older people in a nursing home or organizing a party for hospital patients, you can make someone else feel less lonely too.

   Part 2

   Change your thinking

   1. Express your feelings in private. Keeping a journal can help you understand where your feelings of loneliness are coming from. For example, if you have a lot of friends, you may be embarrassed that you feel lonely. Observe when you have this feeling and make notes in your diary. When do they appear? How do they manifest themselves? What happens the moment you have these feelings?

      • For example, you just moved from your parents to another city. You have made friends from among your work colleagues, and you enjoy communicating with them, but still in the evenings, when you return home to an empty apartment, you feel lonely. This observation suggests that you are missing someone with whom you can establish a close and stable emotional connection.
      • Understanding where the source of your loneliness lies can help you overcome it. It also helps you perceive your feelings more positively. In the example above, realizing that you like your new friends but miss your family connections will allow you to see and accept that your feelings are quite natural.

   2. Reframe negative thoughts. Pay attention to the mental loops that run through your head throughout the day. Focus on those thoughts that relate to you or other people. If these are negative thoughts, try to rephrase them with positive meaning. For example: “No one at work understands me,” replace it with: “I haven’t made any friends at work... yet.”

      • Paraphrasing your inner monologues can be very difficult. Too often we are not even aware of all the negative thoughts we have throughout the day. Spend just ten minutes trying to track all your negative thoughts. And then try to rephrase them so that they sound positive. Next, gradually increase the time of this exercise until you spend the entire day monitoring and controlling your internal monologue. Having successfully completed this exercise, you will be surprised to discover how much your view of many things will change.

   3. Stop thinking in black and white categories. This kind of thinking is classified as a cognitive distortion and requires your intervention. All-or-nothing thinking like, “I'm lonely now, I'll always be lonely,” or, “I don't have anyone who cares about me,” will only make you feel more lonely and make you feel like you're all alone. more unhappy.

      • Resist these thoughts as soon as you have them. For example, you can remember different times when you weren’t lonely at all. When you were able to connect with a person, even if only briefly, and you felt understood. Recognize that statements dictated by black-and-white thinking are one-sided and do not take into account the true complexity of our rich emotional lives.

   4. Think positively. Negative thinking leads to negative reality. Your thoughts often turn into self-fulfilling prophecies. If you are prone to negative thinking, it means that you are used to seeing the whole world in a negative light. If you go to a party thinking that no one will like you and that you are unlikely to have fun, you will spend the entire time leaning against the wall, not interacting with anyone, and not having any fun. On the contrary, positive thinking contributes to the emergence of positive events in your life.

   5. Attend a consultation with a professional. Sometimes feeling lonely can be a symptom of a much larger problem. If you feel like the whole world has turned its back on you and that there is no room for gray in your black-and-white thinking, you may find it helpful to see a psychologist or psychotherapist.

      • Constantly feeling lonely can sometimes be a sign of depression. Consulting with a mental health professional can help you recognize early signs of depression and treat the disorder accordingly.
      • Even talking in itself can help. It can give you insight into what is normal and what is not, what you can do to fit in better in society, and how much better you can feel if you change your lifestyle.

   Part 3

   Understand yourself

   1. Define your type of loneliness. Loneliness can accept different shapes and manifests itself differently in each individual person. For some, this is just a slight assumption that appears from time to time and disappears without a trace, but for others it is an enduring part of their reality. You may experience social or emotional loneliness more often.

      • "Social loneliness." This type of loneliness includes feelings such as aimlessness, boredom, and social isolation. It can arise during periods when a person is outside of strong social relationships (or has lost them, for example due to moving).
      • "Emotional loneliness." This type of loneliness includes feelings such as anxiety, depression, vulnerability and despair. It comes in cases where a person does not have strong emotional connections with people with whom he would like to have them.

   2. Realize that loneliness is a “feeling.” The main and essential step towards overcoming loneliness is to realize that, no matter how painful it may be, it is “just a feeling.” It does not necessarily correspond to the actual situation and is therefore not constant. Figuratively speaking, “this too shall pass.” It has nothing to do with your actual position in society. All it has to do with are little inflamed neurons in your head. And let them not show themselves in the best possible way However, this situation can be changed. You can easily oppose own thoughts about loneliness and, in the end, experience relief.

      • And finally, it is you who decide what you can use in this situation. Use it as an opportunity to better understand yourself and make changes for the better. The evolutionary view of loneliness suggests that the pain it causes can give you the energy to take action and help you become the kind of person you might not otherwise be.

Even in the biggest crowd you can feel lonely. This feeling prevents you from living fully, enjoying every day, and moving towards new achievements. If there are no friends or loved one nearby, then in difficult times there will be no one to support and console you, or give valuable advice. However, not all single people are unhappy; for many, it is a conscious choice to develop in solitude. But there are few such individuals; the majority still suffer in the absence of family and friends. There is a feeling that something is always missing. How to deal with this feeling and learn to use it positive side Let's look at it in the article.

Reasons for loneliness

Feelings of loneliness can cause various factors, but the main ones are:

There are many more individual reasons for loneliness, and awareness of them is the first step to a fulfilling life.

How to live alone

If you feel disliked towards yourself, then you definitely need to increase it. To do this, write down your advantages on a piece of paper and secure the sheet in the most visible place. Remember that there are no perfect people, everyone has flaws. Use yours strengths to love yourself. Upon reaching inner harmony people will be drawn to you.

Learn to really evaluate the people around us, do not follow stereotypes or first impressions. Even if you have loved blondes all your life, a dark brunette can become your true soulmate. And if the relationship doesn’t work out, don’t despair, there’s still a lot of good things ahead.

By creating an artificial image, you risk being left alone, because you will attract completely unsuitable men. While masking your fictional shortcomings, do not forget to remain yourself. Hair and makeup should

Keep track of your wardrobe. , but should emphasize your advantages, have a pleasant color, be clean and ironed. Go to the hairdresser regularly and get your nails done. You need to smile more often and try to see positivity in the world around you. This will certainly transform your look, facial expressions and gestures.

My soul is aching from loneliness

Each of us is lonely in our own way. We are born and go alone. Maybe friends are just extras, and is it really necessary? After all, it has been proven more than once that in sorrows, friends rarely remain nearby.

Each of us has a natural need for communication, but this does not mean that you can be a friend. Conversations with strangers at a convenient time can be easy and pleasant; it occurs when you want it. But not everyone can or wants to have a friend and be near him at the right moment.

With the advent of a family, there are more worries, and the circle of friends narrows. There is not enough energy or time to maintain friendly relations. You also get tired of your family and friends. Therefore, the concept of loneliness is no longer associated with something bad, but is perceived as an opportunity for relaxation, self-development and gaining new emotions. In addition, communication currently occurs via the Internet, without direct contact. You can find someone with similar interests on thematic forums and chats at any time.

Natural characteristics and character also influence a person’s attitude towards loneliness. If by nature you are an introvert who enjoys communicating with yourself within the walls of your home, then you will not suffer from the lack of noisy company. Living alone is quite comfortable for introverts. Besides, there are very few real friends. Not everyone is lucky enough to have them, and friends and acquaintances do not want to delve into other people's problems, help, or empathize. So maybe you shouldn’t suffer from the absence of such people in your life? Direct all your energy to get the most out of life, travel, discover new places.

How to get rid of loneliness

There are a number useful tips that will help you avoid worries about your loneliness:

A good way to get positive is to play sports. In addition to the fact that there will always be active like-minded people nearby, you will improve your health.

Don't focus on the problem. Many people consciously choose to be alone, enjoying being united with themselves. Periods of loneliness happen in the life of every person. For some, they sometimes become despondent and melancholy, while others use them for relaxation, improving their level of education, and broadening their horizons. What it will be like for you is up to you to decide.

Don't think that family people don't feel lonely. Many married ladies remain misunderstood and unheard; they live in a couple only for the sake of social status. Whether it is worth remaining unfree and unhappy, or living quietly alone - everyone chooses differently. The main thing is not to be inactive, but to move, develop, enjoy every day you live in the company of yourself.

Great minds tried to understand the psychology of loneliness and their views never merged into one definite opinion, because people are unique. Each person perceives his sensations in his own way, which can be compared with someone else’s, but cannot be fitted to a template. Thus, some psychologists believe that the roots of loneliness go back to childhood and adolescence, where the perception of the surrounding world and the understanding that there is “I” and there is someone else is formed. Some believe that childhood does not play a role, and the main reason lies in a person’s inability to adapt to life due to his unsuccessful attempts to meet the standards of life in society and he continues to live, adhering to social “facades”, oppressing his true “I”, which leads to emptiness. Loneliness can be viewed as the result of unjustified expectations, a discrepancy between desires and possibilities, leading to inevitable inner melancholy.

In the process of immersing myself in popular scientific works on psychology, it became clear that I couldn’t do without an understanding person who would help me understand the mass of issues that arise.

How to fully live with the feeling of loneliness, understand it and cope with it?

The director of the women's club "Academy of Happiness", psychologist, trainer and author of programs for women, Marina Petrova, will tell us the answers to these questions.

“We will consider loneliness as a feeling or experience that a person experiences. Because it is obvious that you can be completely isolated from people and not feel lonely. For people with an insufficiently developed psyche, it is enough to chat with someone, drink, etc., in order not to feel loneliness. But there are older individuals with a fairly developed psyche, for whom it is much more difficult. A more subtle sense of others, the ability to empathize, at the same time makes life more eventful, but the demands also increase: without full contact, these people feel lonely, not receiving adequate communication,” says the psychologist Marina Petrova.

Why do people who live in large families and are surrounded by attention still feel lonely?

Marina Petrova: Quite often, loved ones express attention in their own way. For example, a mother may constantly monitor her child, thinking that this is such a concern. I often see criticism as a form of attention. The critic thinks that this is some kind of motivation (he will understand and want to improve). Therefore, attention may be different. Very valuable in human interaction is the intimacy that arises in contact with another person, but this is such a rarity in modern world. In fact, even considering the need to create intimacy, since it does not appear on its own, it is not as difficult as it seems. In order for intimacy to arise between people, you need to experience a lot of touching and vulnerable states, but this is “not accepted.” Vulnerability for men is tantamount to weakness, which means “not a man.” Women don’t understand what to do because they didn’t have an example (almost all parents of our time pay too much attention to their work/survival, so such a trait as vulnerability greatly interferes with this natural biological process and atrophies due to its uselessness).

What are the main reasons why a person experiences loneliness?

Marina Petrova: The need for love and communication are the basic needs of any person. Without receiving them, the human psyche begins to send him signals that his functioning is impaired and this threatens his survival and it’s time to get down to business. Loneliness can also be caused by the loss of a loved one.

When contact is broken, a void appears, and until it is filled, the person will experience loneliness.

It seems that some people are born loners. Can loneliness become a comfortable state for a person?

Marina Petrova: We are all different and each of us chooses his own life path. For one, loneliness is a painful existence filled with depression and a feeling of one’s own inferiority; for another, it is a calm, measured life “for oneself”, the opportunity to make a successful career or engage in creativity. Loneliness comes in different forms; it is associated not only with... negative emotions, but also joy and pleasure. Many people are looking for it, tired of communication and deliberately reducing the number of their contacts with others. Many periods of a person’s life are necessarily associated with loneliness, and experiences during periods of loneliness depend not so much on isolation as on the person’s attitude towards himself.

When we are alone, we have the opportunity to choose what to do and, in many cases, these activities are quite useful and varied.

There are different approaches to the psychology of loneliness; if you understand the causes of this depressing state, can it be eliminated forever or is it already an integral part of a person’s personality?

Marina Petrova: Here I would like to talk more about human needs. Need is what I lack to survive. Only when all needs are met does a person begin to feel “whole.” Without receiving needs (food, safety, communication, respect, self-realization), a person seems to have lost something from his Self. And this is the task of the loser to find his lost part. To replenish, you can also attract other people, but you still need to understand that other people are not obliged to participate in the creation of our “I”, but can only be our helpers.

Therefore, in a certain sense, loneliness is a kind of signal to a person that part of his personality is suffering and needs replenishment. This is if we take the negative aspect of experiencing this feeling. And if we take the positive, many people experience loneliness as a kind of springboard to rise to the fifth level of needs (the highest) - the need for self-expression.

What advice could you give to people who are tormented by feelings of loneliness, abandonment, uselessness and detachment from the world?

Marina Petrova: Once you’ve pulled away, you need to connect. Switch to other meaningful things, for example, find an interesting activity, passion, hobby, throw yourself into work, or learn to build relationships with people in a new way, with intimacy and love, find new friends and a life partner.

Text: Victoria Ionichevskaya

Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology Yuriy Burlana answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

Every person knows the feeling of loneliness, and it is different for everyone. This could be the loneliness of a woman or a man waiting for a relationship. Or the loneliness of a person who finds himself in an unusual place, far from his family and friends. Or there may be a constant state of loneliness, when even among people and surrounded by loved ones a person feels lonely. This is loneliness, from which neither friendship, nor marriage, nor teamwork can save you.

As a rule, the feeling of loneliness is a source of discomfort for a person. He may experience melancholy, despair from the feeling of being useless, and even depression.

Why is this so? Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

What is the feeling of loneliness?

A person feels lonely when he loses connections with other people. On the one hand, we cannot live without people, because we do not live alone, even if it seems so to us. We live in society, interact with each other and survive only together. At a deep mental level, we are all united by a single unconscious. All our troubles, but also all our joys, come from other people.

On the other hand, at a certain moment in his development, a person felt his own uniqueness, separation from other people. This feeling can be expressed by the words “there is no one but me.”

That is why it was from this moment that humanity took the path of the “curse of loneliness.” Since then, we have been unconsciously looking for lost connections and cannot find them. A person is lonely “from a stinking diaper to a stinking shroud.” And in the modern world of individualism, the suffering of loneliness is only getting worse.

However, not everyone is aware of this deep loneliness. Most often it is felt in certain life situations - for example, when loved ones pass away or in a foreign country, when familiar connections are lost. But there are people who experience the pangs of loneliness especially strongly. System-vector psychology distinguishes two main types of loneliness:

• visual loneliness;
• sound loneliness.

Loneliness is terrible, creepy and unbearable

This is how they define their internal state owners when they find themselves alone with themselves. Bright extroverts, they see the meaning of their lives in communication, love, and creating emotional connections with other people. That is why, when these connections are absent, they feel sadness especially strongly. They feel bad and hurt alone. The severance of an emotional connection is experienced by them as severe stress.

When the visual vector is not realized, its owner may experience numerous fears, including the fear of loneliness. He is afraid that in his old age there will be no one to give him a glass of water. Driven by this fear, a visual person can agree to any relationship, just not to be in a state of loneliness.

Loneliness as a way of life