How to conduct a conversation so as not to alienate, but to please. How to learn to communicate with people? Understanding the art of effective communication Body language is the key to success

The ability to communicate with people is a guarantee of success in professional and personal life. But often people make mistakes in conversation that ruin all their efforts.

Conversation is a sign of mutual sympathy, when it is required to show understanding, empathy and the ability to conduct a conversation. Our life very much depends on the ability to properly conduct a conversation with those who are interesting to us.

How to speak and have a conversation correctly?

Never interrupt people. Many people cannot restrain themselves and begin to interrupt their interlocutor, inserting their 2 cents. This is very unpleasant and irritates the interlocutor.

Keep the conversation going. Talk about what is interesting to the other person, not you. Ask leading questions and listen more than you talk. People are waiting for the opportunity to speak out.

Be the last to speak. This could be a single conversation or a whole group. Let everyone express their thoughts and give full information. You will know everything that previous speakers said, this will allow you to analyze all the opinions and not get into trouble. You will be the most wise man, if you open your mouth last.

Copy the mood of your interlocutor. Feel the speaker's mood and thoughts. Understanding your interlocutor will help you find it easier common language. Empathize with the current emotional state interlocutor.

Speak confidently, judiciously and calmly. Exude complete control over the conversation and don't fuss. Speak clearly and clearly.

Never be categorical in a conversation. Don't say everything at once or too much. Leave an understatement that can be adjusted in the right direction by you.

Show respect to your interlocutor. Try to be courteous. Call your interlocutor by name, do not be distracted from the conversation, maintain the required distance and eye contact.

Avoid what is forbidden there. It is better not to talk about politics, religion, diseases, gossip and intimacy, in order to avoid misunderstandings.

Life modern man closely related to interpersonal communication. Men and women meet every day at work, in a store or at a sports club. But what to do when you are closed off and don’t know which side to approach when you want to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find a common language with other people.

Ways to Achieve Effective Communication

Eye contact
It’s easy to gain the trust of your interlocutor if you look him in the eyes when talking. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you lower your gaze down and look to the right, your friend may think about a possible trick.

The ideal option is to look at the area between the eyebrows of the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers who want to “sell” a product. If the interlocutor looks at you at the same time, it will seem to him that you are looking into his eyes. It turns out to be a kind of optical illusion, take advantage of it.

Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar; they are characterized by a proud posture, direct gaze and head held high. You want to communicate with such a person; he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately gets to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!

Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression on the souls of newly made friends and do not suffer from lack of attention.

"What's in your name..."
When you first meet a person, ask him what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song to the ears than sound own name. This is the only way to address the listener. If third parties join the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she.”

Try to associate your companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny incidents from your life, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate everyone who is in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!

Genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end to a guy or girl talking about their life without showing any interest in you. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists; do not count yourself among them. Show interest, take an interest in life and don’t burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.

Allow the person to join in the conversation, after which the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: “Say it once, listen the other two!” Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so as not to get stuck in the traffic jam of prolonged silence that occurs when two selfish people meet.

He who does not take risks...
...loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People feel afraid when they want to ask questions or ask questions. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the imaginary incompetence of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.

Don’t be afraid of rejection, analyze what is said, ask relevant questions, express your opinion and give advice! Don't let your emotions take over your self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.

"Mirror" effect
Gestures emphasize the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Don't try to remove your hands when talking, this sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable; the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.

Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closedness. Stand straight, bend your wrists and clasp your hands. Also, you don’t need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in this way can you win those around you towards yourself.

The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the “mirror” method. The method involves repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do it like a parrot; the movements should be soft, unnoticeable and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the “mirror” brings people together and helps them open up.

Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and current films. Stay up to date with events, enjoy communicating with everyone developed person who knows how to carry on a conversation. Such personalities gain universal recognition and are placed on a pedestal of respect.

Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, and involve others in the conversation. Don't hide your knowledge, but don't be too clever, so as not to alienate others.

Relevance of questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other’s company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulation. Did your interlocutor tell you that he was going to the dacha this weekend? Great, ask him how far away it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer with a memorized “I see,” this statement will confuse anyone.

Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to bombard the person with a series of questions; ask in a measured and “on-topic” manner. If we are talking about construction, the automobile section would be inappropriate.

Correct formulation of thoughts
Did an idea suddenly arise? Don’t rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in clear phrases, don’t jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thoughts. Those around you are not psychics; they do not always understand what is being said, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, “yesing” comes from a fear of asking or an unwillingness to listen.

Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of ​​what is being said. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, but your interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate own thoughts, engaging and fueling the interest of the public.

Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the story. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and ruins the friendship.

Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again over a cup of coffee. Open people They quickly find friends, but also often betray them. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence, do not share your secret.

Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities of a business person. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and over a bottle of good wine they loosen their tongues. It’s more difficult for guys in this regard; they don’t share their experiences with the first person they meet.

Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and desire for more, but also by complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication has been so long that a barrier has formed? Let's talk about everything in order.

Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will set the stage for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports trends, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When discussing the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.

Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl about whom there are still rumors is pestering you with conversations? Do not succumb to provocations, ignore gossipers and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own beliefs, and not long tongues chatting behind their backs.

Adrenaline rush
Is your interlocutor talking utter nonsense? Are you starting to argue and prove you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out into the fresh air and catch your breath.

It doesn’t matter what the true motives for the behavior are - a disagreement with your husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others, putting yourself in an awkward position. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will subsequently suffer from remorse.

It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are as necessary as writing and reading skills. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with the help of which you will move from a dead point.

Imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it may sound, talk to the furniture. Tell your closet how you spent your day and what you had for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to construct sentences that are coherent and interesting. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and communicate with it.

Sweet Praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of your interlocutors and praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Don't be shy, tell me. Did the cafe make excellent coffee? Don't skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart for people to believe you.

Chatting with random people
Make it a goal to have conversations with strangers every day. Are you going to the store to buy bread? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother standing at the bus stop for directions. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. It will eradicate the fear of being the first to start a conversation.

Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all kinds of barriers and fight emotions. Address your interlocutor by name, join the team and become the life of the party!

Video: how to learn to communicate with people

How to learn to conduct small talk and find a common language with everyone you meet.

IN English There is such a concept - small talk, that is, a small conversation between two people who meet by chance. It can, of course, develop into a detailed conversation, friendship, business cooperation, or something no less grandiose, but later. As you know, you need to start small. It is the English who can enthusiastically talk for half an hour about the weather, and the French about wine or politics, but we usually get lost when meeting a stranger. Either we keep our face and our distance, remain sullenly silent or mumble something about work, then, breaking all the rules of decency, we immediately begin to speak “for life.” Meanwhile, small small talk is neither one nor the other; this genre has its own simple rules.

First you need to introduce yourself correctly. It’s one thing to mutter: “Masha Kulebyakina.” Another: “Maria Kulebyakina, a specialist in space tourism,” the interlocutor will have a hint, he will be able to ask you a question and start a conversation. After everyone has met, get down to business. Masters of social communication first of all compliment the interlocutor. A beautiful tie or blouse, an unusual frame, an interesting look, thin fingers - everyone has something that can be sincerely praised. And the more non-standard the compliment is, the better. Well, then secular people maintain the conversation in a positive way, paying attention to what unites them with the interlocutor at that moment. They talk about how wonderful the place where they met is, the weather, the audience, the wine, the food... Ease and a positive assessment of what is happening is the key to starting a good conversation about nothing. Well, such training in a positive outlook on people and circumstances will help not only at a social event.

I see you , you are the best

To be considered a good conversationalist, you must first be able to listen. Everyone enjoys talking about themselves, so it’s worth providing this opportunity. A person will begin to appreciate your company if you learn to give him the right feedback. He will stand rooted to the spot and talk all sorts of nonsense to you and only you, even if he is invited to join the company of the president of the country or the most beautiful woman in the world. Firstly, you should adapt to your interlocutor (use the same speech rate and the same vocabulary as him). If the interlocutor speaks pompously, try not to include slang words like “cool” or “gothic” into the dialogue. Secondly, try giving him a paraphrase. This technique is used by all psychologists; it consists of repeating from time to time significant words that the interlocutor says. He says, “I love arugula and shrimp so much! They make me happy." And you echo him like an echo: “Arugula with shrimp makes you happy. How great." After several paraphrases, the person becomes more frank and relaxed, because he has clearly been shown that he is being heard.

Show yourself in the best light

To make it interesting for your interlocutor to talk to you, you should not only listen and paraphrase, but also paint your portrait with phrases and strokes. To do this, choose information about yourself that you can entrust to your interlocutor. You still need to work with the presentation of this information, that is, with the image of the lyrical heroine, who will now tell funny stories from her life. This lyrical heroine is both you and not quite you. Jung called the part of us that we show to others as the persona. For a person to be interesting to others, she must have a double bottom. For example, if you are very open by nature, try to be a little more reserved. Speak slower than usual, using the lowest timbre of your voice. If, on the contrary, you are reserved in communication, try to find an ironic tone in which to speak about yourself. Your interlocutor takes into account both who you are and how you show yourself to him, and will be at least intrigued.

In order to feel confident at a party and easily carry on a conversation, prepare your “homework”. Come up with your image, a persona that you will show to others, and also prepare a list of topics that you will discuss “impromptu”. By the way, experienced PR people do not only this. They also study in advance information about the main guests of the event, compile a dossier on each of them, studying social media and search engines to find a common language with everyone. As is known Read the terms and conditions of the competition.

A conversation is a conversation not about work topics, which can happen with both close people and strangers. Such contact allows you to learn something new, get to know a person, and form a good opinion about yourself.

The easiest way to start a conversation is with a question.

Neutral topics are ideal for dialogue, ask about the weather, plans for the coming weekend, favorite activity or children. Choose an area in which the interlocutor understands, this will allow him to easily integrate into communication. For example, a young mother will be happy to support a conversation about the development and upbringing of a child, a person with an athletic build will be happy to discuss sports and nearby fitness clubs.

A good question can relate to the circumstances of the meeting, simply find out what the person thinks about what is happening or ask for advice on some issue. A good option at a party: “Please help me choose a cocktail” or “How do you like this holiday?”

Increase people's importance by listening carefully.

People love to talk about themselves, they are not too interested in the life of others. Give your interlocutor an opportunity to speak out, follow his words, and sometimes ask clarifying questions. It is very important not to interrupt or show that you are bored. A conversation is considered interesting when it evokes emotions. After starting a dialogue, try to find a topic that gives pleasure to your interlocutor and ask questions related to it. You will notice how the person’s eyes sparkle and how interested he will be in discussing this.

Laughter is a very important element of communication.

Learn to joke to easily make any contacts. Vulgar jokes will not always be appropriate, but anecdotes on the topic will only brighten the conversation. Find a dozen exciting stories for yourself, rehearse them in front of the mirror and, if necessary, tell them surrounded by other people. The smiles and joy that your words bring will improve opinions about you.

Gestures and facial expressions help to maintain a dialogue well.

People exchange not only words, but also a lot of information that is transmitted using the body. The easiest way to please your interlocutor is to start copying his gestures. If he crosses his legs, do the same; if he leans forward, repeat this movement. But remember that changing the position should be associated with some words; at climax moments it is better to change position than during periods of pauses.

Compliments make the conversation more friendly.

But it is important not to confuse flattery and truth. Saying kind words is important, but they must have some basis. If you see that a person is in excellent shape and that he exercises regularly, it would be appropriate to say that he looks good. You can compliment a successful businessman, congratulating him on a good deal or success for last year. If you can notice what a person is proud of and highlight it in dialogue, you will significantly grow in the eyes of others.

Communication is the greatest gift that nature has given us and, with the right approach, can make our lives wonderful. The ancient Romans elevated the ability to conduct dialogue to the level of an art. Nowadays communication skills are directly related to success in business and in all other areas of life.

The specific features of modern times are somewhat distinguishable from the times of ancient civilizations. But some simple methodological tips will allow you to master the successful construction of any type of conversation, be it a business or everyday dialogue. By following these rules, you will win over your interlocutor, making the conversation productive and enjoyable in all respects.

The emotional component of communication

People are not machines. And an ordinary exchange of information is not full-fledged communication in human society. Information in interaction with an emotional component is human communication.

Important!!!

Psychological analysis of future interlocutors is the most important component of success in the upcoming conversation

Based on this, preparation for dialogue involves general ideas O psychological type future interlocutor for a productive emotional influence on it from your side. On the other hand, you will know what to expect from your dialogue partner. Knowing about the interests of the other party will help in the conversation. By touching on this topic you will interest the person, and by choosing the tone and stylistic manner of speech you will make the conversation mutually interesting and fruitful.

The right balance between storytelling and listening

The solution to this question directly affects the success or failure of the conversation. If the interlocutor is overly assertive in a conversation and throws a huge amount of information at you, there is no need to put up an emotional barrier (and even more so, show a negative attitude towards what is happening with your facial expression).

Important!!!

The correct ratio of information given and received in a conversation is the key to controlling the dialogue

Take into account the other party's intention to enter into close communicative contact with you in this way. Sometimes the situation is completely opposite. Sluggish reaction of the interlocutor to your communication activity. In this case, moderate your information boom and allow your interlocutor to express his point of view on the topics raised through leading questions. Thus, manage the conversation process, giving it the required direction.

Using the interlocutor’s personal experiences in conversation

Your interlocutor - ordinary person, which is characterized by everyday problems and internal experiences. Careful observation of behavioral moments during communicative activities will allow you to make the necessary adjustments to the conversation. The expression of the eyes, facial expressions, tone of voice will tell you what problems your interlocutor is experiencing.

Gently inquire about the reasons for the feelings and show concern. If you have had similar problems in your life, this will bring you closer to your interlocutor and help you find mutual understanding in the conversation.

You need to be careful here, since excessive reminders of unpleasant situations in life can negatively affect the emotional mood of your communication partner. In this case, it is necessary to stop discussing this topic and switch to a neutral one in order to avoid irritability in the interlocutor and rethink the reasons for his manifestation of negative emotions.

Using a Variety of Conversation Techniques

Correct facial expression depending on various stages Conducting a conversation is an important detail of communication actions. This will help you show your interlocutor your interest through the shape of your lips or nodding your head, expressing empathy or agreeing with what was said.

Advice

Pay attention to gestures where they are appropriate to impart positive emotion. You can quietly repeat the same movements as your interlocutor. This will subconsciously endear him to you (here it is important not to go too far so that it doesn’t look like a mockery).

How to communicate with people correctly and develop communication skills

Conclusion:

When preparing for a conversation, analyze the psychological portrait of your future interlocutor to control the conversation using the emotional component. Listening and storytelling must be in the right balance. Use vital words in dialogue problematic situations interlocutor, encouraging and giving practical advice with their permission from their practice. Use facial expressions and gestures to emotionally enhance your involvement in the conversation.

Techniques effective communication

How to have a good conversation